Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

personalclown I am very sorry for your sad loss. It is a truly awful time for everyone concerned and we all know how you will be feeling at the moment. In the coming weeks and months you will have so many conflicting emotions, but eventually there will be good days as well as sad, and then the good days become more and the sad days lessen a bit.
For all the new posters, I hope you are all coping day to day, that's the only thing you can do really, just take each day as it comes.and I also hope that you have supportive friends and families
ssd I hope you are feeling a little better with things now! although I know how badly you were treated.
SM thinking of you too.
I am finally on the mend, it has been the most awful bloody virus I have ever had, but nearly back to normal now.
ssd my dh! brother and 5 others off for their male trip at end of this month, BUT our town has the last game on the day after they get back in London, but there is the threat of strike by the French and that means they won't be able to fly back ! They are all frantically trying to work out how they can get home if flights are cancelled !!! You being in a football family will understand this !
Take care everyone and be kind to yourselves.

that would be dh's worst night mare mummylin!!! glad you're feeling better now, what a time you've had of it!
sm, thats so sad your ds writing that, but at least he is getting his feelings out, even if they are so sad

personalclown, I'm sorry, thats so young

yep, he seems better today he's had ss and sd here extra this week and they have kept each other busy on minecraft and trampoline. set up my bird table in mums planter, are any birds coming near. are they heck! how are you all

thats good he seems a bit better, it just takes time, doesnt it

its wet here today, after being nice all week, hope the dry weather comes back!

It very much depends what mood he's in he had fell out with friend that day and things seem worse when he's upset about something else. yeah not to bright here either ours have another week off so they are happy but I'm dreading going back things have been so lax here I can't see it going well next week haha. what's your plans for today?

Where to begin...

Last week, 5th April 2015, I got a call from my mum asking for my DP. She then told him that there was a problem with my Dad and I needed to be there now. 2 minutes later (thanks to DPs driving) and I arrive at home to 2 ambulances, a first response car and most of my immediate family.
I am told that Dad had collapsed.

Less than 20 minutes later, the paramedics come out and say that there is nothing more they can do, he is gone.

He had been complaining of heartburn the night before so had cancelled going out. He'd been sick and then settled down to watch a film at home with my mum. He got up on the Sunday still feeling a little rough but insisting on going out to Easter lunch with Mum.
Mum nipped out to get something from my aunt. She was gone less than half an hour and came back to find my Dad collapsed on the living room floor.

She ran to get the nurse, paramedics and off duty police officer that live across the road and other paramedics arrived within a few minutes. Nothing could be done.

We had to wait 2 hours for the On call Doctor to come and pronounce his death. Saving grace I guess is that he thought it was an immediate death. I am holding onto that. He didn't suffer and it wasn't a prolonged end.

I think the worst part of it all is that we/they live opposite the local hospital before it was shut down to be rebuilt/renovated. Mum knew the paramedics and then the Funeral directors that came to collect him.

Nothing could be done until the Tuesday as it was Easter/bank weekend.
Pathologist's findings were that my Dad had severe Chronic heart disease but nothing was picked up when he saw his GP a week before. Apparently his heart valves were almost completely blocked and his heart just gave up.

Death was finally confirmed by coroner and paperwork delivered on Thursday and death was registered on Friday. Now we have a 3 week wait for the funeral.

The hardest part is trying to get my 13 year old to understand properly. He has ASD and is really struggling to understand that he can't see Granddad anymore and is highly sensitive right now. He's struggling with everyone asking how he is doing, trying to be social and he is alternating between sensory seeking and isolation.

I knew I'd have to deal with this eventually but I hoped I would be well in to my 40's/50s/60s.

Personalclown, I'm sorry for what you're going through, my dads health & death was very different but I have a 13yr old son who isn't diagnosed but is on the spectrum & he has found it very very difficult it breaks my heart to see him struggle, it's a hard age without the additional special needs and the problems it brings xxx

super, just the usual today, ds at football, was very cold and windy watching, then home and various jobs round here, nothing too exciting! kids off school this coming week, I'm off too with them, have no plans, will be a boring week I can imagine!

personalclown and chickennoodle

This will totally out me if any of my friends or family are on here, but with my 13yr old, he just point blank refused to talk or listen to anything to I had to say about grandad, grief or feelings, so what worked for me & him, was if we were in the car together I would take long detours etc and just talk to him, I'd be crying, he'd be crying but he couldn't go anywhere or do anything except listen, then when we eventually got home I'd leave him completely alone so he could chill out/unwind a little x

I am upset today, I dropped my phone down the loo and although the phone is now working my memory card isn't and I have lost my photos, lots of them were of my mum. It fell out of my dressing gown pocket when I reached over to the window sill. I am so mad with myself.

Mummylin is it synced to any other device? Or an iCloud? If you take it to a phone shop maybe one the young whizz kids could try to retrieve them?

Reading back i see my weird autocorrect randomly inserted the word tomatoe into an older post. You have to laugh sometimes.

I am so sorry for your sudden loss personalised and all of you trying to help your children with their grief xxx

Am sorry to hear that mummylin, I do hope there is some way they can help they can do great things now recovering things. It's hard isn't it. I was tapping away on the computer the other night looking at a friends profile and there was mum smiling at me. Forgot that we had mutual friends and it really shocked me then I felt awful at being shocked seeing her. hope you are okay don't beat yourself up accidents happen I hope something can be done to get them back.

wow that's a lot to take in and I'm sure you are reeling. i hope you are taking care of yourself and your family as best you can be. It's hard to think that things were missed In our parents medical care and I've had to let go of a lot of anger due to that or it would of ruined me, not bloody easy though!

Mummylin put the memory card in a bag full of rice or in a warm dry place (airing cupboard?) for a day, I would have thought that a phone would suffer more damage than a memory card, hopefully it just needs drying out & it'll be ok xx

I'm feeling a bit low, mainly the last few days then today I received a letter from my aunt (dads sister) and I didn't want to open it I love my aunt to bits but for various reasons my dad was always the one who maintained contact & now he's not here to do that ?? x

Hi everyone , hope you are all coping ok at this horrible time. It's awful how things just creep up on you when you are least expecting it and catches you unawares isn't it. And things you thought you had forgotten pop into your mind. Even a nice memory makes you sad. I am now 3 and 1/2 years on from the newest posters and I still get overwhelmed sometimes. And I still have the disbelief that I felt when my mum unexpectedly died. But in the main I manage to now get on with life. But for me life will never ever get back to how it was. There is always someone missing and always will be.
I know for the latest posters this is such a horrible time, but I promise things do improve, but it does take a while.
I think one of the worst things is as time goes by. It's longer since we have seen our loved ones, and the reaction from others who expect us to be back to "normal" in such a short space of time.
Thinking of everyone who is missing someone at this time

My bereavement is old, very old - I lost my dad 34 years ago when I was 15, the anniversary was 14th April. Usually I cope ok, have a little weep and tell him what we are all up to but this year has been especially hard. My best friend, who I've known since I was a child, lost her Mum on 13th and it seems to have set me off. I can't stop crying (for her? for me? for our lost parents?) I don't know. I dread speaking to her on the phone as I just seem to cry and it seems wrong and the funeral next week is going to be very difficult. It never goes away does it?

No it dosent frosty and your friends loss so close to the date of your own has brought back all the sad feelings for you. It's understandable ,especially with the anniversary of your dads death. It's all very fresh in your mind again. But I'm sure you will be an immense source of support for your friend as you understand exactly how she will be feeling at this time .

all I can say is thank god for this thread, where we can let it out.

I'm so lonely today, its eating away at me, I miss my mum so bad and so want to go out and see her and just be. I seen a relative yesterday and it was great as we talked about my parents, no one else does that with me. But now I just want to go back and sit with her, I feel shes my only link to my mum and dad. But I cant, her daughter and family lives with her and is pretty demanding, shes the one who told me I've to stop living in the past. So I cant go, but am yearning just to sit with her, it really calmed me down yesterday.

Its just overwhelmingly lonely sometimes. I wish I hadnt been born when my parents were so old, I'm so distant from my siblings and havent any family now, apart from relative yesterday who I dont get to see much. I spoke to my siblings recently, life is full and busy and interesting for them, no mention of mum, nothing at all, they are like people who have never lost a parent and never grieved. I come off the phone with a lump in my throat wondering why I called.

Its just all so shite sometimes.

Oh ssd I feel so sad for you. To a certain extent I understand a part of your post in that I like to see my aunty , who is my mums sister. She feels like an important link to me as well.
As for your siblings, I like you, don't understand how they have been so distant towards you, almost from when your dear mum died.
I am lucky that I am close to my siblings but in saying that. One brother never takes mum any flowers , not even on Mother's Day or the anniversary of her death, I don't understand that at all.
All the others at least do go on important days.
I think that if your siblings were more understanding of how much you still feel the loss and had been more helpful at the time, you would not be so upset still after all this time. You haven't really been able to move on as it seems not only are you still grieving badly for your mum, but the loss of your siblings as well. It's a lot to cope with and I really feel for you. But you are not alone ssd we are here for you as you know

thanks mummylin, I know

I never met any of my mums family and dads family had all died by the time I was at secondary, there was only us. You're right about siblings, a kind word from them would have made all the difference and its hard to take. But I feel I've accepted it now.

Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely and distant from your remaining family ssd, especially if the relative who brought you such comfort told you to stop living in the past; everyone is different and deals with grief in a different way and you should take it all at your own pace.

My sister has become detached from me in the last 3 weeks - I've texted and rang her 5 or 6 times and not once has she responded. I hate it as I feel she is blocking me out - she's done it to me loads in the past too. It's making me really angry though this time as we promised each other in dad's final hours just 2 months ago that we would never lose touch yet she leaves me no choice but to leave her to it as I can't keep hounding her!

Hope you feel a bit better tomorrow.... xx