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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

999 replies

mummylin2495 · 15/01/2015 23:29

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

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candykane25 · 23/03/2015 16:42

Chicken my dad died three days after their sapphire anniversary. So we have the two anniversaries at once. It's really hard to judge what is the best thing to do.

chickennoodle · 23/03/2015 16:52

It is hard candykane, but I think we all did good today Smile my gift was more personal, I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, but I'm glad I did & I think it would have been worse if we'd all tried to ignore the day x

mummylin2495 · 23/03/2015 20:21

mumslifei hope everything went as well as possible today and that it was more bearable than you thought it would be.

Still quite poorly, meds don't seem to be helping at all. Fed up with it and MN keep crashing . Hope you are all doing ok for now.

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mumslife · 23/03/2015 21:14

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chickennoodle · 24/03/2015 10:35

Mumslife that sounds like he had an amazing send off and you should feel very proud of him & especially your daughter Thanks x

mumslife · 24/03/2015 10:58

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starfish12 · 24/03/2015 11:56

Wow that sounds amazing mumslife and like chicken said well done to your daughter. I wrote and read a poem at dad's funeral so know how hard it is.

6 weeks ago today we lost dad :-(, so sad that time ticks on and he's not here, feels like we've left him behind in the past. Feeling hormonal and emotional today!

mumslife · 24/03/2015 17:26

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Truckingalong · 24/03/2015 19:24

Starfish, I recognise that feeling of moving on and feeling like you're just leaving them behind. Like they didn't even exist and weren't important.
Mums life, it's about 2 months since mum died (can't believe it's so recent and yet I can't even remember how long it's been anymore) and its getting worse in some ways for me too. I cry less but the hurt just cuts through me deeper and deeper and the true meaning of forever becomes clearer.

mumslife · 24/03/2015 19:39

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starfish12 · 24/03/2015 19:45

Dont be cross with yourself mumslife, the best thing you can do is let your feelings and emotions play out and not have a set way you 'should' be feeling. Good luck going back to work, it might help to take your mind off things otherwise just take some more time off if you can.

Beautifully put trucking, its the feeling that they weren't important as life still goes on that gets to me. That and the wondering as to 'where' they are.

Does anyone else feel a massive responsibility towards their surviving parent? This is something i really struggle with as i live at the other end of the country to mum. Ive got an 18 month old and a new baby due in 11 weeks making it difficult to make the 6 hr journey home. Really want to help make mums life meaningful but feel at a loss as to how i can do it...

Truckingalong · 24/03/2015 20:49

The 'where are they' feeling is quite surreal. I guess it's the oldest question around and one that most of us grapple with. No one has the answer and learning to live with this uncertainty is quite the challenge! Sometimes, it almost makes me want to laugh cos its just so bloody ridiculous. That we have this life and then we just drop off our perch and that's it! Done! Who the actual eff thought that one up???!!!

mumslife · 24/03/2015 20:59

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mummylin2495 · 25/03/2015 11:39

Thinking of you all, been back to docs today, now on a third inhaler and different stronger anti biotics ( doxycycline ) doc seems to think they will do the trick.yet I wasn't given any anti b,s last week as doc didn't think I needed them ! Despite me saying I was struggling to breath !

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chickennoodle · 25/03/2015 11:55

Mummylin I hope they do the job, please look after yourself xx

supermariossister · 25/03/2015 12:37

hope you feel better soon lin it's rotten being ill

myrtleWilson · 25/03/2015 19:36

Hope you feel better soon mumylin. Sorry I haven't been on in days and missed your funeral day mumslife, you should be very proud of your dd and what a lovely gesture from his colleagues. We have funeral on Friday, not sure how I feel to be honest. I've come back to my home and am away from mums world so I think it feels like a different life iyswim?

riverboat1 · 25/03/2015 20:08

Trucking - the way you phrased it that as time goes on you feel worse because 'the true meaning of forever becomes clearer' - that is so, so true for me now. Over a month since dad went, and in many ways I feel so much sadder now than I did in the first week.

Went to a street today dad loved because it was full of classical music shops, whenever my parents came to visit me he was so excited to go there.

I had to buy some music for myself, my reflex was to tell dad about it to see what he thought of it (he had v strong opinions re: classical music that tended towards extreme love or hate) but of course I couldn't and knew that all along anyway. But I feel more alone now, music was a big thing we had in common and I can't share that with him any more.

Also cooking. We both loved cooking, whenever I rang him I'd ask him what he was cooking and he'd return the question. I keep cooking things and wanting to tell him about them, and miss hearing him tell me what he was making for him and mum.

It's not like the sadness is throwing me into constant depression and despair, I can still get on with things and laugh and make jokes at work and feel genuinely fine. But then there is such sadness whenever I leave work and start to think about dad.

Mum seems to be doing quite well though which is good as she had sounded low the past few days on the phone. We have booked to go on a sunshine holiday together in August, which will be nice for us. Dad hated holidays in the sun, he was definitely a city-break-in-the-spring person so he wouldn't be jealous of missing out on this at least!

Sorry for the stream of consciousness type post, it's good to have a place just to get everything out.

Hope everyone else here is holding up OK x

chickennoodle · 25/03/2015 22:21

Hi riverboat, I know what you mean, I can have fun & laugh etc but the sadness feels like it's a part of me, down to every last cell in my body but I know I'm not depressed Confused what I try to do is enjoy the fun/happy moments when I can, our parents who have gone (or anyone who cares about us) wouldn't want us to be sad xx

starfish12 · 26/03/2015 08:38

I had a dream last night that me and dad were chatting on the sofa, then i looked away and when i turned back to say something he was gone...

I still try not to think too much about the fact he isn't here. I know what you mean about the things they enjoyed riverboat, dad loved boats and when i was on holiday last week i took some pics of boats in a marina purely to show him then i remembered i couldn't... think every day a pang of sadness hits about one thing or another.

mumslife · 27/03/2015 19:02

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candykane25 · 27/03/2015 21:42

I've had a big of a word with myself this morning because I've been so down and I've decided to try and buck myself a bit and try and enjoy life again.
Feeling very sad about the families who have lost a loved one in the plane crash this week.

ssd · 27/03/2015 22:37

yes the plane crash is heartbreaking, utterly unimaginable

t875 · 27/03/2015 23:07

Mummylin hope you get better soon ASAP. Will be asking for help for you xx

Thinking of you all. I've got stuff here I'm dealing with I'm sorry I'm not that active.
But I think of you all often and my thoughts go out to all of you.
Hugs for them tough tough times xx

chickennoodle · 28/03/2015 11:02

I'm doing ok, but one of my hobbies has closed after I've been doing it for about 4 years, that was my escape to get me out of the house Hmm I've met lots of lovely people there & now it's all over Hmm I can carry on with my hobby elsewhere but it won't be the same & I'm pretty sad & emotional about it Hmm x