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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support For Anyone That Has Lost A Parent

999 replies

mummylin2495 · 15/01/2015 23:29

Well here we are again, yet another thread. I am worried about the big tree by my mums grave. I would be horrified if mums stone was smashed, and my sisters too come to that as they are side by side.

OP posts:
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12
riverboat1 · 15/03/2015 07:53

I'm so sorry dee.

I hope you can have a quiet, reflective day today doing just what you need to do to get through it.

candykane25 · 15/03/2015 10:06

I'm thinking of you all without your mums today and hope you are comforted by happy memories xxx

t875 · 15/03/2015 10:22

Oh dee I'm so sorry to read your very sad news. My god it is horrendous and I feel for you so much. Take each minute / hour at a time. Take on help. Hope you have someone who can share and help you. Eat and sweet tea I also found phoning the CRUISE bereavement phone line helped me to talk to someone on the other end of the phone. It's very hard. Nothing makes sense and the utter shock is awful. But in time the gaps of that shock do widen. I stil do though after 3 years struggle some days with a certain song or a memory could creep up. Sometimes they make me smile / laugh too. I did take on the belief my mum was still around me and in 3 years I can honestly say I have had a lot of signs messages and coincidences to back this belief up for me. But that's not to say I don't miss her physically.

Really feel for you and your family. Hugs to you Hun. Come back to this thread anytime we are here to listen. The support over 3 years I've had has been immense. Xx

t875 · 15/03/2015 10:29

Hope your Mother's Day can be the best they can. Sending you all hugs xx{thanks} xx

t875 · 15/03/2015 10:29

The thanks was meant to be flowers. Lol!! I put the wrong brackets in :-D xx

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 15/03/2015 11:17

For all of us missing our loved ones immensely today, especially the newest posters Thanks. AsTsaid try and remember the happier times and maybe something that you have both laughed about in your lives together. Thinking of you all x

OP posts:
Original poster
mummylin2495 · 15/03/2015 17:22

Hope you are all getting through the day ok especially the newest posters which must of been a very tough day. Thinking of everyone Thanks

OP posts:
Theas18 · 15/03/2015 20:44

Aww a thread baby. Congratulations little pink ! Lovely to have happy news here mixed with the sad bits iyswim

t875 · 15/03/2015 22:10

Been thinking of you all. Hope your day went the best it could.
I know along with others how unbelievably hard Mother's Day is
I lit a candle tonight. And said my happy Mother's Day.
I got a gorgeous charm bracelet and magazines olly murrs cd and a boufle bear. From hubby and girls. Lovely roast from hubby too xx

deeedeee · 15/03/2015 22:22

Feel calmer now I' m home, but guiltybecause I've stopped crying

t875 · 15/03/2015 23:25

The tears will start and stop dee. Your emotions will be all over the place. Glad your feeling calmer now. Hugs to you. Surround yourself with people you feel comfortable with xx

starfish12 · 16/03/2015 19:17

Just checking back in after a week away on holiday and wanted to say hope that everyone got through mothers day ok yesterday. I've already looked up Father's Day and am dreading it.
Had my birthday last week and felt shit getting a card from just mum. Why is it the little things that get to you so badly?!

chickennoodle · 17/03/2015 09:21

Starfish I know how you feel, it's my birthday, then my dads, then Father's Day all within weeks, not to mention the dreaded 6 month mark around one of those dates Hmm and I'm dreading my birthday card, all my life it's been signed mum & dad, this year it won't be Hmm in trying not to think about it too much xx

candykane25 · 17/03/2015 13:30

Snap. It's the six month mark on Monday for us. My dad was irish so memories of last years St Patrick's Day celebrations are bittersweet. We already knew he was dying just not when. Celebrating a feast when you know it's probably the last time you'll do it together isn't fun. We just tried to make it fun for him.
Happy Paddies Day Dad, love you xxx

riverboat1 · 17/03/2015 15:31

I have had my birthday too, it ended up being spent almost entirely in the car driving back home after funeral and everything was over (7 hour drive).

It was probably my saddest point so far, not because it was a crap birthday but just because of that sinking 'that's it then' feeling when I got home. Life supposedly back to normal but without dad.

It is becoming more and more real that I will never see him again, will have no fresh memories to make with him, just have to try to hold on to the ones I have. Almost want to write down as many things as I can remember because I am scared of starting to forget things.

starfish12 · 17/03/2015 18:25

Ahh riverboat I'm sorry that's how you spent your birthday. I had exactly the same feeling following our (6hr drive!) back from dad's funeral 3 weeks ago. I walked thru the door at home and just burst into tears as it just hit me like you say in a 'thats it then' way.

And candykane is awful thinking back to 'this time last year..... xxxx'. I wonder if it gets any easier after a year of 'firsts'

Chicken -shall we write June off?! Ive also got dad's birthday, fathers day of course and DC2 is due mid June (argh!)

X

Truckingalong · 17/03/2015 18:29

I drove past a hotel yesterday that I'd taken mum to in the last couple of weeks of her life. I'd forgotten about it until the moment I clocked it. It was such a jolt. An immediate plunge back to not just a few weeks back. It remains virtually impossible to take in. I feel like I want to shake my head in a cartoon-like fashion and look again cos it just can't be real.

Truckingalong · 17/03/2015 18:31

I'll join you in writing June off. It's mums birthday and its gonna be tougher for me than Mother's Day. I'm crying now just writing the words mums birthday.

starfish12 · 17/03/2015 19:01

Ditto trucking I cried writing my last post. Esp hard when something catches you unaware.

Wierd thing for me is that if i elect to have a c section with this baby (i had an EMCS last time), it will be done at 39 weeks.... which is exactly dad's birthday. In a dilemna as to what to do re choosing something nostalgic/circle of life or just letting nature take its course (tho knowing my luck I'll need to be induced again and prob end up with another emcs!)

ssd · 18/03/2015 16:32

ds 2's birthday soon, as we have hardly any family theres hardly any cards.

he's got no grandparents, who would always have sent cards and he notices it

yesterday he came in from school and seen a card had arrived from BIL, he said "yes, someone cares..

it breaks my heart, hes lost the only person outside of me and dh who would have given him everything.

candykane25 · 18/03/2015 17:29

Ssd I had my 12 yo nephew for tea yesterday. We talked about my dad and he broke his heart crying because he misses him. He was used to seeing him every day or two. Which in turn broke my heart to see him so upset.

supermariossister · 18/03/2015 17:55

That's hard ssd and candy I feel the same when ds is upset. ssd we could always send cards if you think he would like that, I know it doesn't replace a card from family though Thanks

ssd · 18/03/2015 18:07

oh thanks supermario, but he'd be confused getting cards from people he doesn't know, tha'ts kind of you to offer though xx

Lifeisabeach · 18/03/2015 20:24

Can I join? My mum died this morning. She was 72 and had cancer. She was diagnosed over 3 years ago but was relatively well after treatment for the first 2.5 of those. She started to deteriorate last November and spent the whole of January in hospital, before deciding to move to a nursing home.

A nurse from the home rang at lunchtime to say she had died. Apparently it was very sudden, the nurses had been in and spoken to her several times this morning and then the next time they went, she'd gone. I only saw her yesterday and although I knew she wasn't going to ever get better, she didn't seem any worse than she's been for the last few weeks. I had no idea it would be the last time I'd see her. To make matters worse, my Gran (her mum) died 4 weeks ago, aged 100. The funeral was on Monday. Mum was too ill to be there, but when I visited yesterday I told her all about it, what a nice service it was, who was there etc. I left the order of service with her to read through. I'm wondering now whether she was hanging on until she knew her mum had had a good send-off.

To make things even more complicated, I'm pregnant, 39+2, DC3 is due on Monday. I really thought mum was going to be able to meet the baby. I can't believe she won't. I told my other DCs, aged 6 and 4, and they seemed to take it well, although I know there will be lots of difficult questions coming. They were very close to my mum, saw her every week and adored her.

I haven't cried yet, I just feel numb and it doesn't feel real. I'm an only child and the thought of sorting out the funeral, let alone emptying and selling her house, feels impossible at the moment. Especially as I'll have a newborn to deal with any day now. MIL rang me tonight in tears, offering her sympathy and I just felt angry. I can't deal with her sadness at the moment. OH is worried about me as I haven't cried or shown much emotion. It just doesn't feel real though.

Sorry this is long and probably incoherent, just needed somewhere to put the stuff in my head.

ssd · 18/03/2015 20:37

I'm so sorry lifeisabeach

it wont feel real for a long time

try to be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time

Thanks