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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

i want my little girl back :( :(

77 replies

whohasnickedmyvodka · 20/10/2014 08:32

My wonderful baby girl eve was born on Friday I just want to be with her I don't know how I am going to get through this :( :( :(

OP posts:
SpanielFace · 20/10/2014 16:12

So sorry. I saw your post last week & was thinking of you. Sad I lost my baby boy Alex in May at 21 weeks. It's the worst, most empty feeling ever.

I know it's hard to imagine, but it does get easier. I still miss Alex and think of him all the time, and going through this has changed me as a person, there's no doubt about that. but 5 months on it's less raw, I can function in normal life again. But at the time, I could hardly get out of bed, the pain was so devastating. Be kind to yourself. Cry as much as you need to. Do you have anyone who could come & help you today?

Oh, and DH's boss is an arse. Surely he should be allowed compassionate leave? Angry

PM me if you want to talk. I hope you have someone in real life who can help and support you. Sending hugs, for you and your beautiful daughter. x

whohasnickedmyvodka · 20/10/2014 16:17

My Dr was brilliant I told her every thing I have been given anti depressants but my dp has to get them for me she is also getting the bereavement midwife to call me I'm an emotional mess but hanging on just

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 20/10/2014 16:19

I have just popped back in to see how you are.

Here's a virtual hand-hold for you, and many hugs. Thanks

R4roger · 20/10/2014 16:25

glad the doctor was brilliant Thanks

Only1scoop · 20/10/2014 16:29

Oh who....well done its an effort just to leave the house at the moment....I'm so glad the bereavement midwife is going to get in touch. These nurses are true angels in my opinion and do a wonderful job....don't be afraid just to cry or ask any silly questions. Mine helped me plan a little service ....just for me and Dp for our little Lil who we lost in December. Please be kind to yourself and pm me anytime. I'm thinking of you my love and would love to just hold you for a huge hug x

For Spaniel thinking of you Thanks

LilAnnieAmphetamine · 20/10/2014 19:06

Whohas- I am relieved to hear you went to the GP. There is a lot of wise advice on here.

Spaniel much love to you and in memory of little Alex Flowers

LilAnnieAmphetamine · 20/10/2014 19:07

And for Only and her little Lil Flowers

SpanielFace · 20/10/2014 20:52

Who, I'm so glad the doctor was helpful, and that you're getting some real life help. I didn't ever see a bereavement midwife, but we found the hospital chaplain to be really supportive, even though we're not especially religious. We had a little service for Alex at the hospital chapel, which was handled really sensitively, and really helped me with the healing process.

angelopal · 20/10/2014 21:06

So sorry for the loss of your daughter. I lost my first neonatally almost 2 years ago.

As others have said can you contact SANDS. They have people who can come and see you. People who have been through similar experiences and will understand what you are going through.

I found their online forums supportive and got me through some dark days.

It will not feel like it now but it will get easier. The pain will get a bit more bareable. It takes time. There will always be days that are harder than others but it will get better.

Its really early days for you so just take each day as it comes. Take care.

Penfold007 · 20/10/2014 21:21

Oh Eve's mummy your beautiful little girl was only delivered three days ago of course you need her. I so wish I could take your pain for you but I shouldn't and I can't. We are all here for you and trying to hold you xxxx

Only1scoop · 21/10/2014 16:28

Thinking of you hope someone is taking care of you Thanks

KoalaDownUnder · 21/10/2014 17:49

I thought of you and your beautiful Eve today. Sending you big hugs and strength. Thanks

SpanielFace · 21/10/2014 20:24

Hope you're ok. Thinking of you. Thanks

whohasnickedmyvodka · 22/10/2014 12:43

I'm not great but I have started my anti depressants I feel like a walking zombie to be honest :( :( :( :(

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 22/10/2014 15:27

whohasnicked, antidepressants can do that. Sad They often take a while to kick in, too, and you have to get worse before you get better.

Hang in there. Sending kind thoughts to you and your precious Eve. Thanks

whohasnickedmyvodka · 23/10/2014 16:35

I'm really struggling here I don't know if I have the strength to go on :( :( :(

OP posts:
R4roger · 23/10/2014 17:19

sending hugs Flowers

KoalaDownUnder · 23/10/2014 17:21

Yes, you do. You do have the strength. Don't think about the future, just think about right now. Have you had something to eat and drink? Are you warm enough? Are you somewhere safe? Just focus on being okay right here and now.

It's after midnight and I have to go to sleep now, but I'll be checking in on you in 7 hours' time, when I wake up. I want you to tell me one thing you did to look after yourself - even if it was just having a piece of toast, or a warm bath.

Hang in there. Thanks

Only1scoop · 23/10/2014 20:10

Oh who.... you will get through this I promise you that my love....even if it feels like just existing and getting through the day right now....have you got someone looking after you at home there? Has the midwife been in touch.

Just want to hug you....

Thanks
KoalaDownUnder · 24/10/2014 00:33

whohasnicked, I've just woken up and am wondering how you are. Let me know what you've done to take care of yourself. We all want you to be okay. Big mega-hugs. Thanks

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 24/10/2014 00:50

Oh my love :(

It is so unfair, so sad and so unfair.

I don't know what else to say, for fear of making it worse not better, but it is true, you don't 'get over it' but you do learn to live around it and in time you get used to the hurt being there and it's not so raw.

Big hugs
x

whohasnickedmyvodka · 24/10/2014 10:23

I had a mega meltdown last night :( :( :( it started because I couldn't leave the house due to panic attacks :( :( :( I'm worried how I'm going to cope tonight :( :( :(

OP posts:
LilyTheSavage · 24/10/2014 11:59

Hi vodka. I'm so so sorry about your darling daughter. I lost my 21 year old son in an accident last year. I'm posting a link to a thread where unfortunately there are quite a few of us bereaved parents. They will give you lots of support. They have been, and continue to be, brilliant.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/2052800-Our-special-thread-where-we-can-be-who-we-are-A-thread-to-remember-our-children-who-are-no-longer-physically-here-Our-safe-haven

Sending you love and strength. xxx

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 24/10/2014 20:02

I wish I could be there IRL, I really do just want to hold you and tell you that this intense grief does pass, it honestly does. It doesn't mean you love them or miss them any less, but your body stops turning itself inside out 24/7 after a while... it would be impossible to keep up this intensity. Of course there are still times when it all overwhelms you - just no all the time like this :( x

I have never taken AD's but from everything I have read about it, it takes a while for them to kick in and often you can feel much worse before you feel better :(

What was it you were meant to be doing tonight? Are you doing/going to do it? (Sorry if you have said, my memory isn't what it used to be!!).

Panic attacks, I had some after a bereavement, however, knowing how badly they affected some people I must have only had 'light' ones. Someone on here said something once that really helped me (they were saying it to someone else, someone with quite severe panic attacks)... just to stop and think, it's only a feeling. It can't DO anything. NOTHING will happen. It's just a horrible feeling and we are in control of our feelings, so control it... breath in and out, and think about the fact that it cannot last, it just can't, it will stop and you will feel ok. I found it took the 'heat' out of it.

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 24/10/2014 20:03

Lily :( I was on your threads xxx