I wish I could be there IRL, I really do just want to hold you and tell you that this intense grief does pass, it honestly does. It doesn't mean you love them or miss them any less, but your body stops turning itself inside out 24/7 after a while... it would be impossible to keep up this intensity. Of course there are still times when it all overwhelms you - just no all the time like this :( x
I have never taken AD's but from everything I have read about it, it takes a while for them to kick in and often you can feel much worse before you feel better :(
What was it you were meant to be doing tonight? Are you doing/going to do it? (Sorry if you have said, my memory isn't what it used to be!!).
Panic attacks, I had some after a bereavement, however, knowing how badly they affected some people I must have only had 'light' ones. Someone on here said something once that really helped me (they were saying it to someone else, someone with quite severe panic attacks)... just to stop and think, it's only a feeling. It can't DO anything. NOTHING will happen. It's just a horrible feeling and we are in control of our feelings, so control it... breath in and out, and think about the fact that it cannot last, it just can't, it will stop and you will feel ok. I found it took the 'heat' out of it.