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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

i want my little girl back :( :(

77 replies

whohasnickedmyvodka · 20/10/2014 08:32

My wonderful baby girl eve was born on Friday I just want to be with her I don't know how I am going to get through this :( :( :(

OP posts:
LilAnnieAmphetamine · 20/10/2014 09:14

Can you call a friend? Somebody who can come and be with you?

Original poster
whohasnickedmyvodka · 20/10/2014 09:15

I don't have many rl friends

OP posts:
LilAnnieAmphetamine · 20/10/2014 09:16

Of course you miss her and want her back. It doesn't feel real sometimes does it? To go from being with your unborn baby and then be plunged into this.....It is all a terrible shock and I am sad that the hospital has not given you better support.

How is your DP feeling?

LilAnnieAmphetamine · 20/10/2014 09:17

How have your family been? Are they supportive?

Only1scoop · 20/10/2014 09:17

Oh Who you shouldn't be on your own....tell the dr that you havn't seen a bereavement midwife. I'm concerned you left only 4 hours after having Eve. You need someone to care for you. It's so tough my love....x

KoalaDownUnder · 20/10/2014 09:20

Well, we are your friends. So I'll tell you what I'd tell a RL friend if I couldn't be there in person with her:

Be kind to yourself. Make yourself a cup of tea, lie down, stay warm. Listen to some soothing music. Read a book or magazine. Have a bath if you can. All you're doing is surviving until your partner gets home from work. Be very, very kind to yourself: treat yourself as if you are a sick patient who needs treating gently. Go through the motions, even if you don't feel like it. You need and deserve it.

PM me any time. I'm in Aus, so there is a time difference, but I will always reply as soon as I can. Thanks

LilAnnieAmphetamine · 20/10/2014 09:23

You know you can always phone the midwifery team. They should have somebody who can talk to you. They can refer you to local support groups and may be able to arrange a home visit.

If you are nearby I would be happy to come be with you. I know I am a stranger but I would like to help. You shouldn't be alone if you don't want to be.

PeachyTheSanctiMoanyArse · 20/10/2014 09:26

Oh my love XXXXXXXXXXX Your Dp's boss is a disgusting human

amy83firsttimer · 20/10/2014 09:31

Shocked by the behaviour of DP's boss. That's disgusting. Contact SANDS and if there's any other mums on your road who you know are about in the day just ask one of them to come and spend some time with you. People are in general glad to be asked to help.

RandallFloyd · 20/10/2014 09:34

Oh my love, I'm so so sorry.

I don't know how you'll get through it either, but you will. Minute by painful minute at first but you will.

Life can be so bloody cruel
Xx

Original poster
whohasnickedmyvodka · 20/10/2014 09:35

Our family didn't know about eve nobody really knows my dp has shut down he is just angry :( :( :(

OP posts:
Kormachameleon · 20/10/2014 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itscurtainsforyou · 20/10/2014 09:41

OP - I've been in a very similar position and can safely say I've never known pain like it.

Please contact SANDS - they've been very helpful to me. I hope your GP can help in some way too.

You're not alone, even if it feels like it at the moment.

Original poster
whohasnickedmyvodka · 20/10/2014 09:47

I just want to die and be with her

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 20/10/2014 09:58

And you know, you will be with her one day. But not now - it's not your time. xx

KoalaDownUnder · 20/10/2014 09:59

Can you call a support line, OP? I'm worried about you. It's an awful lot of pain to carry on your own.

How long until your DP gets home?

Original poster
whohasnickedmyvodka · 20/10/2014 10:12

I don't know koala most days he doesn't finish until 12.30am :( :( :(

OP posts:
Grockle · 20/10/2014 10:20

Oh, lovely Sad

I'm glad you have apt with Dr. Please be kind to yourself. x

RalphGnu · 20/10/2014 10:30

I wish I could wrap my arms around you, I really do. I know the pain you're going through - it's cruel and not fucking fair at all. But it will get easier to bear over time; this I promise. Eve will never know pain or fear, all she knew was your love and warmth. I wish I could do more to help. You are in my thoughts.

Beth xxx

AllJalapenoBusiness · 20/10/2014 10:46

Life can be so unfair. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your DP, and it is awful that your DP's boss is so unfeeling. Lean on each other and draw what limited comfort you can from your love for one another.

I can't imagine what you are going through and feeling, but know that, whilst you will never forget Eve, the pain of her passing will eventually hurt less. You will learn to smile again, but when that happens is up to you, don't feel you have to pretend to be happy before you are ready. But you WILL feel happiness again, and Eve will help you get there. She is with her mummy, and will never leave your side although she physically couldn't stay.

Lean on us if you want to, there is always someone listening, and there are others who have sadly been through a similar experience. We are here for you, any hour of the day or night, with open arms and hearts.

Be kind to yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you xxx

LilAnnieAmphetamine · 20/10/2014 11:03

Wohas

Is there a reason why you haven't talked much to your family? Would you be able to pick up the phone to one of them and ask for help?

You and your partner are Eve's connection to this planet- living proof that she was loved and existed and was real. Your continued life is going to be painful for some time BUT you will be able to smile again at her memory, the memory of her being with you., It IS going to happen in the future for you. There are so many of us that can attest to that.

We can help you get there.

Original poster
whohasnickedmyvodka · 20/10/2014 11:06

My mum is toxic and I have very little to do with her she would make me feel even worse and use this as another stick to beat me with :( :( :(

OP posts:
LilAnnieAmphetamine · 20/10/2014 11:10

That sounds familiar- I have one like that Sad. Is there nobody at all IRL who could come be with you?

LilAnnieAmphetamine · 20/10/2014 15:36

I'm still here lovely Flowers

Only1scoop · 20/10/2014 15:46

How did the Drs go? We are all here for you....I hope they were supportive x