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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Tonight I am really missing him.

141 replies

Yorkiegirl · 17/09/2006 23:14

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Gingerbear · 18/09/2006 07:05

How are you today YG? I hope you got some rest.

bubble99 · 18/09/2006 07:24

I hope today goes OK (well, it's not going to be 'OK' - but I hope YKWIM)

XX

Miaou · 18/09/2006 07:28

Just seen this this morning Yorkiegirl. I really wish there was something I could do! Moo is right about needing to go through all the steps of grieving - such a hard and painful process and no-one can do it for you.

I hope choosing the headstone goes well today, and is a positive experience for you. I am glad you have some personal knowledge (through pixiefish) of the firm - that must help.

Thinking of you (((hug)))

Pinkchampagne · 18/09/2006 07:30

I am so sorry, Yorkiegirl. I too think of you often & think you are an amazing woman.
XXXXXX

comebacksummer · 18/09/2006 08:03

Oh Yorkiegirl.. I am so very sorry for your loss... I can't imagine the sense of emptiness you must be feeling at the moment.
Your headstone choice sounds lovely.. have you thought about what words to put on it? Focusing on something that needs working out carefully might numb the pain for a few minutes..
Thinking of you today
xxx

tigermoth · 18/09/2006 08:16

Yorkiegirl, I can't say anything much to lighten your burden. From my experience of being bereaved and seeing other people bereaved, having good and bad days (or even hours) is what happens a lot. Of course you must miss your dh - it would be so strange if you didn't. I hope you can get comfort from good memories of him. If it helps you to feel he is still 'out there' somewhere, don't stifle that feeling - you don't have to be religious. It might help you through - it did me, when I lost my mum.

danceswithmonkeys · 18/09/2006 08:31

Yorkiegirl - I am so sad for you, everytime I read your threads I am in tears. Huge hugs to you. My mum had a baby before me who died when she was 5 months old, she also told me people would cross over the road rather than talk to her and how awful that was. I won't make that mistake if I know someone has been recently bereaved. How are your beautiful girls doing?

scoobytwo · 18/09/2006 08:37

yorkiegirl,i dont know you personaly but have read your threads&think of you every day,i wish i did know you so i could be there for you,im so sorry for what you are going thru&wish you all the best hunixxxxx

Bugsy2 · 18/09/2006 09:15

Big hug to you YG, you have been & are so brave. I'm so sorry your husband isn't still with you all.

CheesyFeet · 18/09/2006 10:14

Oh Yorkiegirl

I remember from my own experience of losing my dad how difficult it is when people try to pretend nothing has happened. When I went back to university after the funeral, one friend asked me how the funeral had gone and I was so grateful to her for not brushing it under the carpet.

Being sad and missing Nigel are good signs that you are dealing with things well. It is so hard isn't it when you are dealing with the practical things like sorting out insurance and clearing out personal belongings. I remember how hard my Mum found it when my Dad died. I think she felt she could only get on with her greiving properly when all the practical stuff was sorted out, and she had time to concentrate on herself.

You seem like such a strong person. It will be hard but you'll be fine.

Marina · 18/09/2006 10:22

YG, in my very different experience of bereavement and mourning, I found that good moments were like pinpricks of light in the overwhelming, disorientating fog of sadness, for many, many weeks and months
Gradually, slowly, the pinpricks turn into shafts of sunlight, and the fog lifts.
I found thinking of grieving as a process you have to get through, at moments when I could be objective about the situation, helped.
Virginia Ironside wrote a brilliant book on grieving and dealing with other people's terrified responses to your bereavement. XXX

Thomcat · 18/09/2006 10:25

OW. Just saw the thread titles in active convos and instantly winced for you.

So sorry babes. I wish he was with you too. Talk to him though, tell him stuff still. It's not going to be easy but you can still tell him stuff, it might help a little bit???

hugs to you and your girls

Thomcat · 18/09/2006 10:25

OW. Just saw the thread titles in active convos and instantly winced for you.

So sorry babes. I wish he was with you too. Talk to him though, tell him stuff still. It's not going to be easy but you can still tell him stuff, it might help a little bit???

hugs to you and your girls

fussymummy · 18/09/2006 10:25

yorkiegirl i've just seen this thread today.
I don't know you, but i've left messages for you at the time of your loss.
You and your girls have been in my thoughts so much.
If you've got Nigels clothes waiting to go to charity shop then that is a huge step to take.
Also picking his headstone is another big thing to have to do.
At least you're very clear in your mind as to what you want.

I remember when i went to order the headstone for my little baby, i walked in and just stood there crying. I hadn't even spoken to anyone, but they were so lovely to me at such a very difficult time.

I also remember when my sisters husband died suddenly, she was pregnant with their first child at the time.

She used to spend so much time at the cemetary, and would tell me that if it wasn't for the baby then she wouldn't be here.

We'd be out together and used to see people who we'd known for years, cross the road, and avoid contact. That was just so awful.

I spent so many hours just being with her and both of us speaking about him.

One minute we'd be laughing, next we'd be crying.

Sad but true, that's how life is.

Keep going for those two lovely daughters that you have together. xx

CookieMonster · 18/09/2006 10:25

oh Yorkie, so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you today - I hope that choosing Nigel's headstone can be a positive experience for you and is another step in your grieving process.
I am around on MSN quite a bit so add me to your list if you fancy a chat/moan/rant or whatever - dgilmartin at hotmail dot co dot uk.
Hugs ... CM

geekgrrl · 18/09/2006 10:39

oh gosh yorkie
I don't know what to say - I'm so sorry
this must be so hard

ledodgyrobespierre · 18/09/2006 10:55

Yorkiegirl I'm still thinking of you too. Grief does get easier with time but you will never stop missing your dh. It is a big step sending his clothes to a charity shop and it shows your great strength. I'm sure you've done this already but I found it comforting when my parents died to keep at least one piece of clothing, aftershave etc as sometimes it can be very comforting to smell their smell iyswim, I still have my dad's glasses case and it has a smell that reminds me of him 15 years later.
Also remember whatever emotions you are feeling are normal there is no right way to grieve, cry when you want to cry and laugh when you want to laugh and take each day as it comes, cliched I know but it will help get you through.

stleger · 18/09/2006 11:28

Take care, thinking of you today doing your practicalities.

hulababy · 18/09/2006 11:33

Thinking of you today YG. Hope you get what you want regards the headstone.

Of course you miss him. I can't imagine how difficult and hard it is, but it is early days still. It's only right you miss him and want him here. I wish we could somehow make it right and better, but can't

You take care and let's get that lunch arranged soon, yes?

SpaceCadet · 18/09/2006 13:37

thinking of you today YG
xxx

CarlyP · 18/09/2006 14:02

Thinking of you and the girls YG..
cx

Lio · 18/09/2006 14:06

So sad for you YG. Are you getting enough physical contact from others? Sending cyber-hugs.

LieselVonTrapp · 18/09/2006 14:12

So sorry to hear this. I dont know what to say. Thinking of you. (((hugs)))

dollyp · 18/09/2006 14:27

Thinking of you today YG and hoping you and your girls are ok. Big hug.

Northerner · 18/09/2006 14:40

Oh YG, don't know what to say, can't even begin to imagine what you are going through.

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