Thanks YG, people need to be told what to say and I will remember your words. I think the problem is people are afraid if they bring it up the bereaved person might get more upset there and then and be embarrassed that they broke down in public. Or they might not want to have to go over things again. I know that sounds stupid because it is with you all the time.
I recently went to a party where I knew there would also be some people who had lost their first child at birth, around the same time as I had DS. I was originally going to take DS but agreed with the host beforehand that I wouldn't. But when I walked in everyone I knew asked me loads of questions about how DS was getting on etc. I knew these people had to listen to it all and I wanted to go to them and say I have heard about your DS, I'm so sorry. But I didn't - because I was afraid it would look like I was rubbing it in or that it would make it worse for them.
I hope at least in that way MN can help - you can ask to talk and know people will be here.