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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

UPDATE ON YORKIEGIRL

167 replies

helsi · 15/08/2006 21:09

HI ALL, YG IS HOME SAFELY BUT IS OBVIOUSLY BUSY ORGANISING THINGS. I SAW HER AND THE GIRLS TODAY AND THEY ARE DOING REALLY WELL CONSIDERING. SHE AGAIN COMMENTED ON HOW OVERWHELMED SHE IS WITH EVERYONES GENEROSITY AND SUPPORT ON MN - I AM SURE WHEN SHE HAS TIME SHE WILL SPEAK FOR HERSELF. SHE IS JUST VERY BUSY AT THE MOMENT AS NIGEL IS NOT HOME YET AND SO SHE HAS SO MUCH TO ORGANISE.
THE DONATIONS FROM YOU ALL WILL COME IN REALLY USEFUL AND SHE ALREADY HAS SOME PLANS ON HOW SHE CAN USE IT WHICH WILL HELP HER OUT IN A BIG WAY WITH THE ORGANISING OF THINGS IN THE NEXT DAYS/WEEKS.
TAKE CARE EVERYONE X

OP posts:
FN · 18/08/2006 16:37

Glad Nigel is back home YG and your girls are so beautiful a credit to your and Nigel.

Take Good Care

sunchowder · 18/08/2006 17:09

Dear YG, you have also been in my thoughts. I am relieved that Nigel is home and so glad that Jan was able to come and spend some time with you yesterday. I can't even imagine what you are going through in terms of facing the finality of it all, hopefully if Nigel is able to, he will be sending you comfort to get through this day and evening and the ones to follow. Please let us know if there is anything we can do. XO, Sunchowder

Marina · 18/08/2006 17:19

Good to hear he is now on home soil again. Thinking of you as always YG XXX

tissy · 18/08/2006 17:25

sorry I missed this earlier, YG. Hope things get better for you soon.

toofatmum · 18/08/2006 18:47

I am new to the site and this is my first message. My best friends husband died suddenly from a heart attack on his sons 4th birthday. I watched her feeling so helpless and frantically searched for ways to try and help. There is a web site called Winstons Wish which is a wonderful site for parents and children who have had such a terrible loss. There is a star filled sky and you can make your own star and name it. You can have planets that orbit the star and each one can be filled with pictures or just words expressing your love. You can choose to make it public or keep it private protected by a password that only you know. My friends sons often visit daddys star and add planets to it. They also have wonderful ideas for helping to keep the memories alive for the children. I hope this helps. Much Love

Yorkiegirl · 18/08/2006 18:52

Message withdrawn

Blu · 18/08/2006 19:04

Well done YorkieGirl.
Must all be very very strange.

Miaou · 18/08/2006 19:07

Yorkiegirl, I am so glad to hear that it was a positive experience for you. If I can do anything for you (I am racking my brains!) then please, please let me know

(((((((hugs))))))))

Californifrau · 18/08/2006 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hermykne · 18/08/2006 19:27

yorkiegirl my heartfelt sympathies , your girls are gorgeus and you are really strong.
i'm sure its comforting to have him near now.
xH

Cam · 18/08/2006 19:35

YorkieGirl

How hard was that, but glad you did it. Lots and lots of love to you and your 2 darling daughters, Cam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

tigermoth · 18/08/2006 19:43

yorkiegirl, I am so glad Nigel is home where he belongs and you have been with him.

I can echo in a way what sunchowder said about him sending you comfort. My mum died over 6 years ago and I have lost a best friend, other relatives and my father in law since then. I can still at times strongly feel them, or their memories (depending on what you believe)guiding me, comforting me and protecting me. I am not particularly 'spiritual'. I don't think you have to be. I hope Nigel gives you strength and I am sure he will.

Auntymandy · 18/08/2006 23:21

his smile was for you and the girls x

fussymummy · 19/08/2006 00:17

yorkiegirl You sound as though you're being such a brave lady.
I'm so happy that your husband is back in England where he belongs.
If you can find it in yourself when you go to see him again, you might want to take a lock of his hair for yourself and your darling daughters.

My sister did this when she was widowed at the age of 26.

She was pregnant with their first child as well.

She even took photos of her husband in his coffin, which some people thought was a morbid thing to do, but each person is an individual, and she found them comforting.

She also asked me to take photos of all the flowers at his funeral and to go back to the cemetary afterwards to collect all the cards that family and friends had written.

When my baby was buried we all wrote cards and tied them to helium balloons that we all released into the air.

You might find this comforting for your daughters to do.

Sorry for rambling on, but you have been in my thoughts ever since i saw this thread.

Your pics of your girls are abosutely gorgeous and a real credit to you both.

Take care. xx

tortoiseshell · 19/08/2006 00:23

Hi YG - I'm glad it wasn't too awful going to ID Nigel. I don't know if you'd want to do this, but my MIL found it hugely helpful taking pictures of dh's dad after he died, as it gave her 'closure' and she could remember exactly how he looked.

xxx

MarsLady · 19/08/2006 00:30

Well done darling.

jaamy · 19/08/2006 07:46

Once again you have embarrassed me with your braveness, YG. So glad it wasn't too bad. And of course Nigel's smiling - he's surely glad that it was you who went to see him.

BudaBabe · 19/08/2006 07:55

YG - words fail me. It must have been so hard to do and yet also a comfort.

Anything I try to say just sounds so trite and useless. Thinking of you and your lovely girls often.

WideWebWitch · 19/08/2006 07:57

Hi YG, your girls are gorgeous

Be kind to yourself too if you can. I'm glad ursulatheseawitch is around to spend time with you. x

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/08/2006 08:53

Well done YG. Thinking of you lots

xxx

kimi · 19/08/2006 12:40

Still thinking of you,
Like fussymummy our children tie notes to balloons for their grandad and let them go on his birthday etc....
Also when he died we put photos and drwwings from all his grandchildren in his coffin, my MIL also kept all the cards and notes and messages off of the flowers, and we took photos of them.
I kow it will be heartbreaking and hard for you to think about all this stuff for a funeral, but you will take comfort from it afterwards.

toofatmum · 19/08/2006 13:35

I spoke to my friend last night and she wanted me to tell you about the way foundation a web site for people who have been widowed young. She has found great help and support from them. In the months ahead when everyone else gets back to 'normal' it may help to have a forum that allows you to express how you feel. She has made 2 good friends from this site and she says that sometimes it is only talking to someone who has gone through a similar experience that can help. People say I know how you feel but unless it has happened to them they can't. On a more immediate note my friend also said there is a one off payment of £2,000 available from the DHSS for young widows but there is a fairly short time in which you can claim it so I wonder if any of your friends can look into that for you as I notice mums were giving donations and this would add to it for you.
Your girls are wonderful and he will live on in them. I am thinking of you. Much Love

fussymummy · 19/08/2006 14:31

My sister also got the one off payment (think she had to claim within 2 months!!)
She also then went on to receive a widows pension.
Horrible to have to think about all these sort of things but you'll be glad that you did. xx

Olihan · 19/08/2006 14:43

I just wanted to add my sympathies, I was in tears at the montage of your beautiful girls and I'm so sorry that you all have to go through this.

I don't know if you're up to it but there is a site here that was written for young widows by a young widow. It's a mix of practical and emotional support but deals with all the things like the widows grant and legal issues that will arise.

Hope it helps, thinking of you xx

beansprout · 19/08/2006 19:29

I'm so sorry to hear this YG. Your girls are gorgeous. Much love to all of you xx