Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

[mummylin2495]

Here we are , our new home

Hello there, do you mind if I join you for today at least? It is 8 years today since my darling mum committed suicide. I'm on my own today and although DH is lovely and supportive I don't really want to lean too much on him (have leant on him an awful lot over the years)!

I feel guilty and embarrassed talking to anyone else in RL as I find that lots of people don't really know what to say and I feel bad for making them feel awkward and uncomfortable. I miss her so much although it has got easier over the years, but I'm so sad she missed meeting her GC. She was just an awesome and onspiring woman who left a gaping hole.

So many things remind me of her. She was a very strong-minded, compassionate and intelligent woman who campaigned for years to improve services for people affected by mental illness. She was also very eccentric and funny with a fantastically bizarre sense of humour. She loved the cinema and we would talk for hours about films we had seen and loved. She was just wonderful. I was lucky to have her as a mum but I do miss her dreadfully.

Sorry this is a bit of an essay. It feels better just writing it down and hoping today won't be completely unacknowledged.

fiveleaves

you are welcome to join us fr as little or as long as you like, your mum sounds like alovely woman who knew her mind and was cherished by you and your family. we all know how you feel with refards to not meeting gc it is so hard to imagine that they will never meet this must be hard for you. my ds was 5 when my mum passed away and I find that very hard even though he has memories of her. he has a memory box of her things to hel him which he likes to look in now and again.
I am sure that your dh would not mind you saying how you are feeling at the minute it is a big milestone. please don't feel you are making other people uncomfortable by talking abou your mum, if they are friends in any way they will handle being slightly uncomfortable if it means that they can support you in a difficult time. I hope you can do something nice today to remember your lovely mum she sounds like a character :)

supermario thank you for your lovely and welcoming message and I'm very sorry for your loss. Your memory basket idea is great. My DC often ask about my parents (lost my DF when I was a child) and I really like the idea of a basket of objects we can use to play with to make them both seem more like 'real' people somehow.

You are right, I will talk to DH this evening. It is a hard day for him too as they were very close and had lots in common, and it was all very traumatic for him too.

She certainly was a character. She was a fantastic baker (well, her cakes tasted amazing even if they looked a bit peculiar sometimes!) so maybe today I will bake a cake in her honour.

that sounds like a good idea, when I am feeling low I will get a glass of coca cola, has to be coca cola and go and sit in the garden ( not toda or I probably blow away) before my mum got poorly she hated fizzy drinks and sued to drink gallons of tea. once she got ill she would drink coca cola all the time it was her drink of choice. makes me smile now remembering going t the shop in he pouring rain to buy coca cola.

my memory basket has things like a bottle of mums favourite person, a shopping list she wrote, her hat, a teddy ds bought for her that I then brought back home, photo album, one Christmas present from her that ds has never opened. she always paid through the year fo cristmas vouchers and when she died in November her husband asked us to chose everyone one last present from her. I chose ds a st Christopher pendant which I will give to him when he is a teenager. it is nice that he does enjoy to look in it andtalk about the things in there so that could be an idea for your children too.

We are a friendly bunch always here to chat, feel free to sick around :)
im sure your dh will be supportive of why you feel low today, my dp was quite close to m mum too and I know he found it hard but ultimately I am sure they wouldn't want us to struggle alone.
I hope you make a wonderful cake, one of those that looks totally shocking but tastes amazing,they are always the best cakes!

Thanks Supermario. It's amazing the significance that every day objects can hold, isn't it? It's nice you have something to help you hold onto those memories. How lovely you were able to have the St. Christopher for your son. Something to keep with him always and to remind him of her.

Your cake description is spot on. My mum made my wedding cake and transported it 200 miles, on the train, in a (clean!) cat basket. I can only imagine the looks she must have got from fellow passengers. It leant alarmingly when put together, and was by no means the traditional wedding cake (we have some great pics capturing the expressions on our guests' faces when looking at it) but it was just the absolute essence of her. And it tasted out of this world.

I would of loved to see that, can you imagine the aibu post, "aibu to ask the lady on the train why there is a cake in her cat box" would of been great. she sounds like she had a great sense of humour. I think other people often flounder when talking about our parents because they worry about saying the same thing but mostly I just want to remember her and all the wonderful things she was as I'm sure you do too, don't feel guilty for that x

Thanks, that made me laugh!

I aim to please :)

The weather outside is horrendous and ive got to pick ds up in a bit, hope we don't blow away. times likes this I really wish I had learnt to drive by now!

Hello fiveleaves it sounds like your your mum had a huge personality and made her mark on the world. I am glad it has left you with some lovely memories. I hope today is not too sad for you and that you can think of all the good things instead of the bad. You are welcome to post here at any time as sm says we are all very friendly and enjoy talking to each other through good and bad times. We all have a bit of both I think but t certainly helps to be able to chat to like minded people. I don't know what I would of done after losing my mum if we didnt have this thread

Thank you mummylin. I have found this year more difficult for some reason, and this thread has really helped me. I think sharing experiences (good and bad) can be very consoling.

Supermario I hope you managed the school run ok. I've just got back from mine-it's wild out there!

Cake in a cat box :) genius :) She sounds wonderful. I am very sorry for your loss x
I went to ikea today.
I now have a migraine coming on.
:(
Trying ds2 back for 2 afternoons at school this week before half term starts to get him back on the swing of things.
I would quite like to go to bed for a week.
Oh well.

badvoc, I wish I could babysit and you could go to bed and get a rest

fiveleaves, your mum sounds wonderful, I hope you feel a bit better tonight knowing you've spoke about her to us, sometimes I/we just need to get it out and hope someone listens and understands, we do here so please feel free to join in when it suits you xx

super, hope those winds dont blow you away down there!

mumyylin, this thread has kept me sane too and stopped me feel so mad and alone x

t875, hugs as always, thanks for all your support xx

fay, pudcat, gaelic, mouseface, all of us here, thinking of us all

had to hold ds down on the way home and keep stopping because we couldnt walk through it. garden is a state, all the greenhouse covers are off and all blown down. my tv isn't working so I am bored witless. bloody weather. hope you are all safe

Thanks ssd x
It's a bit wild out there isn't it? Almost horizontal rain and high winds. Ugh.
On the plus side I do like lying in bed snuggled up listening to the wind and rain outside :)
Those poor people who have been flooded though :( my heart goes out to them.
Ds1 is currently making a papier mâché dinosaur. Oh the horror.

SM..if my tv goes off I shall have a proper tantrum!

My mum left when I was 11, my dad kicked me out at 14 (into care)

Some people don't deserve to be parents x

oopsadaisy it sounds like you had a very sad childhood , and I agree with you that there are people who should never have children. Do you have any siblings and how is life for you now ? Very much improved I hope

mummy I have two beautiful children who are my world x

In regards to relationships personally, I've had awful ones - I think I've previously gone for controlling types, because I've always (and still do) long to be 'looked after', no matter the pain that may cause -

That's the first time I've admitted that - but when you have parents that don't or have ever wanted you, that's what you get - me

That us very sad daisy I can't imagine the distress you have gone through. I too am the mum of two but mine are now adult. I cannot imagine treating my children like you have been treated. It's good to see that you have your own beautiful children now. You can't change the past but maybe you can alter the path of your future.
I quite understand your need to be looked after, you are looking for what you should of had when you were younger.
I feel very sad for your circumstances. Please post again here if you need to, although it s for bereavement I'm sure no- one will mind you coming here for a chat. Good luck for your future

Sorry xx I think I'm bereaving in a different way - I've still lost my parents, but maybe in a very different way - sorry x

Don't be sorry , you can chat to all of us here. You have had losses as we have, just in a different way

Thanks everyone. It has really helped to be able to talk about my mum so openly. It is so sad that your shared experiences of grief and loss have brought you all together, but lovely that you have found each other and provide such comfort

we aren't a bad bunch. it's nice to have somewhere to go just to chat about anything.

I have got the rage again about my aunt's fb statuses.

I think Facebook is the work of the devil ! It causes so much upset for a lot of people.
The wind here is horrific, I can't imagine how the poor flooded out people are feeling / coping. Think I would just cry !
Can't go out , I would get blown off down the road

half the greenhouses are in pieces because they are those slot together pole ones, trampoline ok for now as weighed down with bags of gravel but if the wind keeps up might have to weight it some more. my aunt is
very difficult person to like, she hasn't got in touch with my grandparents since christmas. her latest post is one of those awful share this for all those still fighting and those who lost the fight. my normal response would be to tell her to fuck off, it doesn't work like that, my mum did not lose a fight she survived against all the odds for longer than they said, cancer doesn't care if you are a frail old man or a bodybuilder it is nothing to do with how strong or weak someone is it is early treatment, medical input abd mostly sheer luck.how dare anyone diminish what she did by implying that she had lost a fight. noone wins or loses against cancer only the people left behind lose.

the worst thing was it was oh I know you will repost this, "no aunt I won't because it's a gigantic pile of balls I just don't say that because it would hurt grandads feelings if I fell out with you. you self absorbed mad bat" . ah I feel better for writing that out .