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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

985 replies

mummylin2495 · 26/01/2014 17:50

Here we are , our new home

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5
Mouseface · 28/01/2014 21:49

Aww -Lollipop - that's lovely news, the day that I gave birth to my DD, my great aunt died, she was an awesome lady....

My mum came to see us and said your great aunt Joan has passed, this morning, in the same hospital as DD was born...

I am a huge believer in 'one life begins, as one life ends' or one in, one out! Grin

Congratulations to you all xxx

LollipopViolet · 28/01/2014 21:57

Me too Mouse :) Maybe my granddad knew his work in the physical world was done and left our lives so the new arrival could enter?

Mouseface · 28/01/2014 22:06

Lovely :) Lolli

Off to bed my dear friends, see you all tomorrow xxx

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 28/01/2014 22:30

Night mouse ,hope you have relatively pain free night

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ssd · 29/01/2014 07:54

lovely news violet, congrats all round Thanks and I'm sure, almost know, your grandad will visit the little one x

ImNotCute · 29/01/2014 08:00

Morning all, hope everyone has had a good night.

I also have a friend who has had a baby this week, it is one of very few things that can make me Smile at the moment.

ssd thanks for your wise words, I'm sure you're right about having to go through the painful feelings. I don't mind so much for me but I absolutely hate that others in the family are suffering and I can't do anything about it- if it was anything else except a bereavement it seems like I could do something more to help.

mummylin it's very understandable that you're feeling stressed, I hope you at least get some time to try to relax and take care of yourself.

ssd · 29/01/2014 09:48

you're welcome Imnotcute x.....losing my mum has been something thats played over in my mind since it happened, not in a mawkish way, (well not all the time), but because no one else felt it like me, and I'm not saying that selfishly like "I suffered so much", but genuinely no one else felt half of what I felt, my dad had already died years ago and my siblings, well just lets say if their favourite jumper had shrunk in the wash I think they'd have been more upset.....and this I find hard to take, very hard, but its how it is.

its all the emotions surrounding the death, that trouble me, the death itself is more straightforward for me, although dealing with that is hard enough, its been dealing with others that has floored me.

supermariossister · 29/01/2014 11:38

I suck at dealing with other people, from my side my family are all very close even though some of us are not actually fully related as in my dad is not my brother and sisters dad but he still spends time with them,buys them Christmas presents, helps with odd jobs, goes out with them sometimes because he was their dad for many years until he and my mum got divorced and she asked him to look out for them, although he joked about at the time and told her she wasn't going anywhere he has been true to his word and helped them out.

Other people though, people who have known us for years I cant hack. my grandfather is very much thinks he can do things himself that now he is too old and frail to do but still insists on doing, one of his neighbours stopped me to have a moan that he shouldn't be carrying/working in the garden and I have to admit I wasn't polite when he said wheres that grandson of his he should help him, meaning my brother. I pointed out that he actually has a grown up son and daughter and 3 other grandsons who haven't even bothered to see if they are doing okay. Grrrrr. very frustrating as help them so much but he is fiercely independent at 75 and we cannot make him stop doing the things he insists that he can.

supermariossister · 29/01/2014 18:14

v nervous tonight about going back to the hospice, wonder if it will be hard to see the day room chairs and expect to find mum sat in one telling me all about who's birthday it was that week or the painting class she had taken. hope I don't sit there blubbering like an eejit

ssd · 29/01/2014 20:31

you probably will blubber super, but am sure everyone there will understand. maybe the first time doing this will be the worst, or maybe you'll feel a link to your mum being there? let us know how it goes x

supermariossister · 30/01/2014 09:30

well there was only a couple of us there and they asked if I had been to the hospice before so I shared our story and why I wanted to be involved. didn't cry but I think you could tell that it was a bit difficult for me they are all lovely though :D im really excited about this project it could be huge

ssd · 30/01/2014 10:10

super, thats brilliant, well done to you! It sounds like it will fill a bit of the gap missing since your mums been gone, I hope it does, it really sounds great. x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 30/01/2014 12:20

Well done SM . I'm sure it was a time of very mixed emotions. Your mum would be very very proud of you for finding te courage to take that step

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supermariossister · 30/01/2014 14:04

was very strange walking around knowing it was somewhere she used to be, and was much liked. peculiar feeling, I don't go back to many places we went together

t875 · 30/01/2014 14:36

Hi everyone.

Just wanted to jump in quick, I'm so sorry I've not been around. I think of you all and hope your days are going along not too bad.

I just also wanted to let you all know I went to see a psychic spiritualist/ today and she was great. I was apprehensive but my god she blew me away.

She got her name. - and her birth name was an unusual name- picked up on my dad having an op and pain in his side - stuff with a family member and showed the flower Lilly as she was with my aunty someone close to her. Also said she was with our dog that has passed.
I'm the same as ssd I feel my mum spiritually and keep her close with signs and messages.

Obv I'd love her here physically but it did give me a lovely comfort too. And felt close to her. Also my mum said she loves candles and for me to talk to her round the candles.

I know loads don't believe but thought I'd share. It gave me a comfort to know she is around us and guiding us.

Xx

t875 · 30/01/2014 14:38

Not meaning loads don't believe like you guys as I know fair few do. But I didn't want it to look I was preaching it. Just sharing my experience and hope it might to some give some comfort I know also very hard too. X

ssd · 30/01/2014 14:59

thanks for that t875. Its really great you got that from your mum. As I might have said before, when my dad died I didnt feel anything at all spiritually, in fact I asked mum one day if she believed we went anywhere and she said no darling, when your dead your dead. So I never asked again, it never crossed my mind. But when mum died, well certain things just blew me away, coincidences, things that happened, even one conversation I had with mum in my head that I still refer to to this day, but I dont mention it was with mum weeks after she had passed.

I dont know. I just feel something really deep in my soul my mum and dad are around for me, especially my dad just now, I dont know why. And the robins are a little sign, even ds2 said when he sees a robin he knows its his gran, and he never got that from me, I never mention these feelings to my kids.

I hope so anyway. Its a comfort to think we'll all see them again, thats all any of us want. Maybe I cant let go, I dont know, I just feel something I cant deny.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 30/01/2014 16:13

I'm not quite sure what I believe. But I do always think my mum will know if I haven't done her and my sisters flowers at the crem.

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ssd · 30/01/2014 18:57

she'll also know there will be a good reason why you couldn't make it that day mummylin, and I bet she'll understand! x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 31/01/2014 01:40

I think your right ssd she would understand , and anyway she knows my friend and also knew her parents! Of course when we first got to know each other we didnt know that . There are so many coincidences you just wouldn't believe it !

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t875 · 31/01/2014 07:46

I'm sure she is with you and also helping them mummylin.
How are you feeling now? Hope your better. You've had a lot of stress going on.
What's your coincidences ? I have so many.
The other day I was walking for school run and went a different route and as a was walking down I was guided to look to me right and I could see the back wall there were these wooden letters spelling out I love you.

supermariossister · 31/01/2014 21:10

having an epic bad night here ds screaming the place down because that's his current way of thinking. if he cries he won't get told off. his behaviour has absolutely sucked today he's having a go at me left right and centre, answering back and just being gobby as possible then crying about anything under the sun to get out of trouble . proper bone aching tired and fed up of this Angry Angry

ElizaCBennett · 31/01/2014 21:38

My mum died today, I am so sad

supermariossister · 31/01/2014 21:39

I'm sorry to see your sad news Eliza, we are always here to talk to, do you want to tell us about her. please feel free to talk on here and get some support over the coming weeks, thinking of you and your mum tonight x

ElizaCBennett · 31/01/2014 21:56

Thank you super. She went in her sleep this morning. I've been with my family all day, we are very close, just all sad together really.