Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

[mummylin2495]

Here we are , our new home

Hi all thanks for lovely messages feeling better today, weekends can be lonely as since my dm got sick we spent all weekend with her. Family all seem better today went out running this evening so feel good myself..
Looking forward to chatting with you all nice to have somewhere to rant and give out.

Ssd - what About these sun 99p holidays you save up the coupons? We were on holiday at haven and we got talking to a family and they had done the sun holiday and had a better accommodation than us!! Lol thanks for your support x
pcb glad your day was a little easier in you yesterday. Hope the week goes ok for you. It's move to have you here to talk to us. Not obviously the circumstances but I have to say this group has been a very big shoulder to me!
super how's ds arm now? Thanks for support. I have been feeling a little better thank you. Very much sitting on the surface for me though at the moment but hanging in there maybe it's April looming as this is when I lost her.
But I know she's kicking me up the arse.
badvoc I really feel for you what a terribly hard time. Sending you a huge hug Hun
lin hope your ok and enjoyed your weekend with extended celebrations no doubt
biscuits how are you doing? Hope your going along not too bad. See you soon x
Hi to anyone else I have missed. Thinking if you all and sending hugs if needed xx

We have the funeral director coming today to sort out the Funeral arrangements. I have had a lot of help from 2 sons. Unfortunately my husband is not an emotional type and does not really understand how I feel. He thinks daily life should go on as usual and cannot see why some days like today I do not want to cook. I have just asked him to clear his paper work off the table in dining room so I can use that later. He thought I should just use our laps to write things down when they come.

Hard isn't it pudcat I changed a lot since losing my mum I couldn't do as much as I was relied upon to do. It shook up our marriage to be honest but I physically couldn't remember and was numb and was just literally getting through my days at the beggining. You do what you have to do looking out for yourself your husband will have to understand. Sending you a hug pus cat for today. We are here got you to talk to after the funeral director. Hope it goes ok the best it can x

badvoc I am sorry you are feeling so low at the moment
I have come to the conclusion that there are many f our dh,s who simply don't / or want understand how utterly bereft we have all been, and still are over the losses we have all had. I don't understand it at all and it would of been nice to of had more support. I barely mention my mum to my dh as he simply doesn't get how sad I am about it even now.
Not a day goes sat when my mum isn't on my mind, and I'm sure it's the same for all of you too.
We just have to carry on and pretend that all is well when inside we are broken.
I am sorry badvocabout your aunt, poor soul. How s your mum coping ?
pudcat I hope you manage to get done what you need to do and that your dh will at least clear the table fr you.
sm friend now gone up to other place for the funeral tomorrow. She is going to the chapel of rest this afternoon . Her dh has taken her but will not be going with her tomorrow !
t years ago we went on two of those holidays, they were fab and the caravans were superb. I would recommend them too.
Well I saw my sister 3 times last week ! On sat her little twins were two years old. She is so happy to be back.
ssd you must feel so alone, and no- one to help you out at all. But I agree about the sun holidays. You deserve a little break after all the stress you have been through. Money or lack of it can be a real blight. Or maybe someone you know has a tent you could borrow or hire one and take a train or coach somewhere, if only fr a long weekend. You def need and deserve something nice for a change.
Glad you are feeling a it better today pcb it def helps to be able to share thoughts etc.
gaelicsheep did you manage to get any more time off work to deal with your loss, I hope so.
To crazykat waterlegobiscuits and anyone else I haven't mentioned, hope you are all getting on with your lives as best as you can. All we can do is take things day by day.
for all on this thread

Mum is finding it very hard.
My aunt is now hallucinating so it's difficult for everyone.
Ds still off poorly. In fact the dr is talking about sending him to the paed for tests :(

Oh crikey badvoc, but at least it would help to see why he is ill quite so often. Your poor mum too what a terrible amount of stress you have had this past year. Maybe you all deserve a holiday yourselves .

whats wrong with ds badvoc I dont know what to say about your aunt as im sure no words can help i can imagine it must be beyond horrendous for you at the moment for all your family. Is it your mums sister? Sorry to hear about your mum it is very hard for them which in turn is so hard for us too isnt it, i know what you are going through with your mum PM if you want a chat anytime.

lin glad you and your sister are loving being back with you guys! I wouldnt be in kent were sinking!! Weve seriously got to have a let up soon!!

waterlego, fod, crazy cat, mouse, im not, and anyone ive missed hope your going along ok best you can xx

They don't know what's wrong. Tested his urine, which was ok. He was anaemic last summer but hasn't had bloods done since then.
Also having issues with his school too :(

Oh no Hun. Hope they can get to the bottom of it all for you. What's up with school? If you would rather not say on open forum that us fine Hun. Sending you a big ol hug girl x

He is being picked on :(
This is how it started for ds1 and I am very very wary now.
We have already looked round another school.
Have a meeting with his teacher tomorrow, but I dont think it will go well. I am really unhappy with how she dealt with a situation...Aibu??
Ds got very distressed (their words, not mine) at lunchtime the day he became ill. Refused to eat. Very upset. Spent lunchtime in the classroom. They didn't tell me til pick up time! I am furious about it tbh. Now ds isn't eating and is worried about going back to school.
Wwyd?

gaelic sheepi am so very sorry for your loss we are here for you and know what you are going through.Take care and hugs to you x

FOD how are you getting along? x

hmm, thats not good. Thats terrible of the school and no i dont think you are being unreasonable, your poor son. Has the school got a council or a liasion officer?
a few times i nailed this, i found out who was picking on my daughter, i went into the cloak room stood very close to that child and said loudly to my daughter no one been horrible to you!!! shouted it loud so the child could hear followed on saying well we have anymore problems and the head can sort it out"
can you speak to the parent? I know this is very hard as some parents can be very defensive so not so easy!? (((hugs))) badvoc what a time for you hun xx

I don't want to go down that road tbh...I tried it with the mother of the boy who bullied my ds1 for years and she called me a liar! :(
In some ways I would like a new start at a new school - for all of us - but just not sure.
The HT at this school loathes me :) I am not a yes person and I don't always agree with "professionals". I like to think I am polite, but if I don't agree with them I say so!
Lots of parents moan in the playground but they don't ever do or say anything...that's just not me.

Insist that the head teacher calls a meeting with the parents of the bully. It's such a horrible thing to do. If you get no joy write to your local education department telling them you are not satisfied with what has happened. It's the bully who should move school. Why should your ds who prob has his friends there have to move. But this may be the last resort if nothing else can be resolved. Good on you for speaking up.

The funeral celebrant has been - a lovely lady. We are not religious so we are having a simple service. Music the sentences, one hymn the eulogy and a poem and music to go out to. The suffering Mum has had for the past year does not make me want to have a religious service. My sister is not too happy but she refused to come over and meet the lady or the funeral director, so she will have to put up with it. All I get from her is - it makes no difference to her - she has only got to turn up. Ah well another half hour til the funeral director gets here.

That sounds lovely pudcat.
It's frustrating and upsetting when family members opt out of funeral arrangements...mine certainly did and I found it a huge burden tbh.
I hope I did the right thing, what dad would have wanted.
Dh goes away to the US on Saturday with work and everything is just such a mess....feeling very tearful and lost ATM.

were be here for you badvoc at the weekend!! You wont be on your own. Yeah im the same i dont stand for crap, like you though I am very polite. Well if all else fails after speaking to the school and getting them to talk to the person who is bullying then maybe a new start will be good. i know a friend of mines girl is a lot happier since leaving a school she was bullied at. Keep us posted how he goes xx

This school was very good for my ds1 - but my dc have very different characters and I'm not sure I trust the teacher now...she made it very clear she used her "years of experience and judgement"...but no apology made!
Will let you know how we get on.

Hello, everyone. it was Mum's funeral yesterday. It was a tough day but the service was beautiful and I think she would have been proud of us. I was so pleased so many people came- old colleagues, old friends, friends and neighbours who lived locally. There was even a group of Dad's friends from the golf club who came to support him- and he hasn't played for over a year. So many good, decent people. It was very touching and I feel we gave her a good send-off.

I felt very flat this morning though. It seems we were gearing up for the funeral and now there is a great big nothing stretching ahead of us when we just have to get used to going on without her.

My husband upset me this morning too. I had a little cry and he made a 'joke' about me needing to see a friend who is a psychologist. I am so so hurt. I think I have been doing really well. in fact almost too well. I haven't really cried properly as it upsets my young children and I don't want to upset my Dad- so I feel I have to be brave for everyone else. And we had such a tough week at the hospital the week before she died and he knows that. I'm just so disappointed in him. He is great at taking on the burden of practical stuff, looking after the children and so on but honestly, sometimes I think there is something wrong with him. He just cannot show emotion or empathise properly with how I might be feeling. I told him how hurt I was but he's come in tonight, taken the children off for their bath (yes, helpful and practical) but he's not spoken to me or asked me how I am. Pudcat- big hug for you. I know what it's like.

Just reading back through the thread and am so sorry to hear you have lost your mum, gaelicsheep. I spent almost a week with my Mum before she died and it was so tough physically and emotionally, but you are right- it is a privilege. Don't under-estimate how hard it has been on you. If there is anyway you can take some extra time off work I would. if you really can't, then I hope your colleagues are kind and sensitive.

Hello fay so glad to read that everything went well yesterday. I quite understand how emptiness stretches out in front of you now it s over. It seems like there is always so much to do straight after a death and it does occupy you for a while then a whole fat nothing . As I said in a previous post I'm not sure what it is with husbands, they just don't seem to get how upset we are. I can remember dh heartily singing away to a song on the tele. It was the one we had at my mums funeral only a few weeks before , and I lost the plot. He just could not see the problem.Take it easy and allow yourself time to feel sad. We are always here.
badvoc I'm not surprised you are feeling down at the moment, with a sick and worried child. Your aunt so ill, not being well yourself and now your dh going away and you are at home with all the problems on your own.i would be feeling tearful too. But we are all here for you

glad it went as well as could do fra these days I thought were the hardest when everything was done and all the family had stepped back to their lives was when I felt at my worst, we are all here though to talk to even if it's not about anything much. badvoc hope the meeting goes okay with school my sons ht is not the fondest of me for the same reason, but your ds knows your in his corner and that's all that matters. lin hope your friend has got through the day okay no matter what's gone on. T8 every day really is different isn't it I hope you are still feeling calm ssd how are you doing? and everyone else who is reading I can't read back on my phone so can't tell.
I am epic cross tonight , trying to play loud music and stomp my feet abit instead of calling a few people out, it's not working

Fay, where the hell did fra come from. go home autocorrect, you are drunk .

hi girls, sorry to not name everyone am rushing to my shit job but just wanted to send hugs and thoughts to everyone, I'll be back later xxx