Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

[mummylin2495]

Here we are , our new home

So sorry, but like with my Mum take comfort in the fact that she is now at peace. Bodies and minds are now made whole again.

gaelicssheep so sorry you have lost your dear mum But glad she can now be at peace. I hope you have the support of family and friends at this sad time. It's a very strange and confusing time when newly bereaved and sometimes its hard to believe its happened. Please feel free to come here and post whenever you want to. We will be here when you feel ready. Take care of yourself and just take each day as it comes. Do make sure that you eat, it's very easy to not bother .

pudcat I hope you have been coping ok the last few very sad days. Are you having to arrange everything yourself or do you have someone in the family to help you ? I too believe that the sick are now whole again.

GS - very sorry for your loss x

Thank you. Currently trying to do fast track grieving so I will be OK to return to my unsympathetic work tomorrow. I've a feeling it could all go horribly wrong...

Can you not go off sick with a dr's certificate tomorrow, and at least til after the funeral gaelic? There is no way I could even think about work a week after Mum's death, - I am glad I am retired.

Hi. I know that would be frowned on by work, who have been so kind to allow me to take entirely unpaid leave to nurse my dying mother in her last days. But it wouldn't feel right to me either because I'm not sick, and in a more sympathetic environment I think I would be welcoming the distraction. But work never feels right to me after a crisis - it is a male orientated office, half of which have some kind of personality disorder, and the most unsympathetic environment you can imagine. I know I'll be expected to just pick up where I left off two weeks ago. 've been sleeping most of the day today, hoping that by dreaming I can organise my thoughts. The problem is I'm not only still in shock at how quickly she deteriorated since Christmas, I'm also reeling from the emotional strain of caring for her as she steadily lost all her much prized independence and became a sleepy, vomiting skeleton.

I just found an article about returning to work after a loved one's death. It talks about emailing in advance to thank colleagues for their support, having one colleague spread the news so you don't have to revisit it over and over, etc. Ha. Not a single close colleague has been in touch at all to see how I'm doing. If I sound bitter, I think I am.

think you have a right to be gs, no matter the environment you still deserve support as this time so please do ask for it even if you don't think it will happen. I do understand it being a distraction though and ultimately you know what's best for you.

am sorry to ask for trivial advice when people are newly bereaved but not sure who else to ask ds has had a fall tonight and is saying his arm is hurting. he seems to be using it fine but says it's sore. do you think I should do anything to it or put anything on it, he fell from the car when he was getting in but managed to stop him hitting his head or back sorry to be a pain doubting myself as he is well known for amateur dramatics but would hate it to be sore and I could of helped somehow

these things like the article are great if we lived in a perfect world, arent they gaelic?

if only life was like that!

am sorry for your loss and your work, sometimes things are just shit. try to put yourself first and dont knock yourself out for anyone..if work feels wrong go to the dr and try to get a sick note, or as they are called these days, a fit note

super, if he is using it then it'll probably be fine, but if you are in any doubt take him to A&E to get an xray, just in case x

he's merrily playing with water toys now and seems fine but when he was waving at the door was clinging onto it saying it hurt, think he's having me on.

he sounds ok, maybe make a wee fuss of it now and then to keep him happy

might put a huge bandage on it and say he obviously cannot play x box in his condition see how long it lasts then

ds2 is partial to a bandage, we have them in every size!

Try putting a cold compress on it. Something lie a bag f peas but not directly onto the skin, wrap ideas in a t towel. If no better tomorrow doc or A and E

Hi
My mum died 2 months ago and my dad died 14 years ago. I'm the "rock" in my family and have to keep everyone together I have a few brothers and sisters and 2 dc... I suppose I just want to say hi and also that I'm so sad and don't feel like I have anyone to talk to as have to keep my family together.
Thanks

Hello PCB now you do have somewhere you can omento and chat wth us, we are basically all in the same boat and t has helped me enormously to be able to chat to lovely people on this thread. Like you i am the oldest sibling, and everyone looks to me but of us all I seem to be the worst for accepting what has happened. I'm not sure why that is . Are we too busy trying to sport all our siblings that we find it hard to get on with our grieving ? I don't know. I am sorry you have lost your dad and I hope you have some support in RL now you have lost your mum so recently. Come here even if you want a rant about something. We all do !

oh Gaelic sheep so very sorry for your loss, I echo what mummylin has said. ((big hugs to you))

Pudcat - Hope your going along not too bad

Super - If he was in agony moving it around i would say go to A&E but hes ok when hes got the controls in his hand (good sign for us here too especially with the youngest) Has it swollen compared to the other arm? Any bruising? I'm the same as mummylin, nurofen to reduce the swelling if he as any and a cold press on it. See how it is tomorrow if not happy you could always take him to a&e and get an xray.
I only say this as my eldest come off her bike and she was fine for a few days but then her wrist started swelling and she ended up after having it xrayed having a fracture and was in plaster for 6 weeks. But doesn't sound the same as your little one though.

blah ol time at the moment feeling the loss of my mum a lot more, never easy finding her stuff and finding homes for it, bloody unfair and crap, going through her craft stuff and remembering us sitting up the table together making cards, that loss is huge, my god. Just cant think of it, it cuts so deep.

pcb you have us, talk away,its very hard isnt it. Look out for you too though pcb otherwise you will be ill, i know this from experience.
so very very sorry for your loss big hug to you x

pcb feel free to talk to us there is always someone here. T I know what you mean, those things that seemed so every day you would give anything for now, hope your taking care and doing something nice for yourself.

Thanks super harder at the moment feeling her not around me a lot deeper keeping myself busy helps a little. All the spiritual belief I have gets obliterated when I feel like this. Thanks again. Hopefully tomorrow will be a tad easier.
Hope your going along ok there x

Pcb...are you me!?
I can relate to much of what you say. I'm sorry for your loss.
My aunt is now not getting out if bed at all or eating.
It's awful.
We are just waiting for her to die.
:( :( :(
Ds still ill. I'm still not really talking to dh. All in all, everything is utterly shit.

och girls, I'm sorry so many of you are feeling so low just now. I think its the weather and the time of year not helping. I know it well and I'm sorry.

we all need a holiday!!!

at my work just now everyone I work beside is talking of summer holidays...both girls my age said last week "I'll need to ask my mum for some help, I cant afford a holiday" and I just stared at them and almost killed them on the spot. We cant afford a holiday and now my mum and dad have gone I've got no one to ask for a loan, or a help. Our parents never owned property or had any money so we never got left anything and although I'd 1000% rather have my mum and dad back theres no lift for us money wise to help with the grind of life. My mum was always very generous to us and the kids and now its just us and things like a week in the sun are impossible, I may go to the bank to speak to them but dh is dead against getting into more debt just for a holiday, we've always been really tight with money. But its just so hard listening to people going on about their mums giving them a deposit or paying the kids driving lessons or something when your struggling to take your kids to pizza hut. Money shouldnt be so important but it is. I need a better job!!!

T hope your having a slightly brighter day today, I know what you mean some days you can keep on and others feel ten times harder.

badvoc I am so sorry to hear about your aunt,it is a horrible feeling isn't it, it is as though you are waiting and wishing for it to happen just so they are out of this horrible limbo. How is ds now is it still the same thing? been thinking of you.

SSD You are so right there, I don't begrudge people their own families but when all they seem to use them for is a cash cow it gets hard t hear. And in that sense I am lucky that I have my dad and grandparents if I ever needed. I am not much of a holiday person it seems a huge amount of stress when none of us have a car and we wouldn't be able to go with family, I was talking to my granddad yesterday and I haven't been on holiday in 11 years!

linn How are things? I hope you are getting some chill time as wellas helping your friend