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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

985 replies

mummylin2495 · 26/01/2014 17:50

Here we are , our new home

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LollipopViolet · 03/02/2014 13:22

I've actually been thinking about Granddad today - I've got a virus and was sick this morning. As my mum and gran both worked when I was young, he'd often look after me, as well as caring for my uncle.

I remember, one time I was poorly, and I'd been sick before so he said I had to stay in the same room as he was, in case it happened again.

He was on the phone, and a wave of nausea hit me with no warning. I was sick all over the carpet and in tears because I thought I'd be in trouble. He saw, and said, "I'm sorry, I've got to call you back, my granddaughter has just been sick."

Then he cleaned me up, sorted the floor and said it was OK, he wasn't angry :)

I miss him x

mummylin2495 · 03/02/2014 19:12

Hi lollipop . I too had a very special grandad. He spoilt me rotten, but I loved him and my gran deeply. Hope your virus soon goes
To everyone , especially the new posters , I hope you are managing to get through the days and that you are getting a lot of support from your RL families and friends, this helps such a lot.
Do you know I can't remember what it felt like any more to be normal and not feel heartbroken. And this s after 27 months now. It still feels its just happened. I don't do the all day crying anymore, in fact I don't Fter cry at all, but its the awful gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach all the time. And all the time the days are taking my mum further away from me. I hate this feeling.

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LollipopViolet · 03/02/2014 19:30

Yes, even after 4 months, I keep expecting him to walk through the door. I don't cry as much as before (had a cry writing my last post) but I don't feel normal again. I'm not sure I ever will tbh :(

dollywashers · 03/02/2014 21:03

My dad died 4 months ago too Lollipopviolet. It's so hard isn't it. I don't feel the raw grief I did in the first few weeks but still get upset very frequently. I miss him so much. Think I'm starting to get to the "if only" stage where I'm thinking of all the things I wished I had said and done. The loss is so huge and so final. Don't think things will ever be the same normal as before. :(

mummylin2495 · 03/02/2014 22:13

However long we all take, we will never get back to "normal" because normal for us was having the person we loved and list won't be here. Eventually I hope we can all get to a point where we at least can enjoy life again , even though we will always miss the person / people we have lst. It's the point getting from here to there that is so painful snt it.

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pudcat · 04/02/2014 06:51

My Mum passed away yesterday. She was 91. She had been ill for a long time and was in a nursing home. Many times have we only expected her to live for a couple of days and then she rallied round. But not this time. She had breast cancer and dementia plus other things.
I was with her when she went. She was not able to swallow or cough so she was making noises and shouting for her Mum. I told her that I was her Mum to try and calm her. It seemed to work. I told her that I loved her and everyone did and now her work was finished and it was time to put her coat and go and meet John. (My dad who died in 1953 - she never wanted anyone else). She stopped making the noises and became calmer. One of the maintenance men Nathan was at the door seeing how she was today. Mumm really liked him. I said she is not good and not right. He pressed the panic button and nurses came. A lovely one called Raj said that she was going . I told her to take care and to go now. She went peacefully. I hoped I made her journey easier.
It was a wonderful NH. All the staff came to say goodbye to her and were in tears. They truly loved my Mum. They washed and dressed Mum in her favourite dress and when I went back to her they had put her favourite teddies in her arms.
My 2 sons came and decided they wanted to see her and we spent over an hour chatting about her and the holidays we had with her until the funeral home came to take her.

So now I hope she is with my Dad at long last and that she is free from pain and her mind is whole again.

mummylin2495 · 04/02/2014 09:27

It sounds like you have her a lot of comfort at the end pudcat you will always be glad of that. I'm very sorry for your loss. Life will seem very different after having her for so long, what a wonderful age to reach. I'm sure she has now been reunited with your dad.its a very sad time for you and your family but hopefully your family will help you through it all. Please post when you feel like it or if you need and advice.
Tomorrow is my birthday, but sadly t is also my sisters who most of you know died young. So it's a day tinged with sadness. I often wonder what she would be like now and how many children she would of ended up with. Her daughter has turned into a lovely young woman and my sister I'm sure would of been very proud of her. When she died she was expecting her second baby. I tend to think of it as a little boy, but really we have no idea
Hope you haven't all gt this horrible dark and rainy morning, it's like night time here at the moment.
We are all going to my other sisters new house tonight for fish and chips, so that will be nice. She is so happy to be back home at last.

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t875 · 04/02/2014 09:50

Lin I'm sending our sunshine to you.
Oh please enjoy your birthday best you can I'm sure your mum and sister would want you too. You do so much for everyone Lin that day is your day to celebrate you as a person do something special to you. wish I could pop round and have a cuppa and cake with you x

Will be back later got b gas coming as cooker is broke!
Thinking of you all xx

supermariossister · 04/02/2014 09:53

sounds like your mum was very much loved pudcat, I hope you have support over the coming weeks and feel free to chat anytime.

Linn I hope you enjoy your birthday as best you can, you are always so kind to everyone and deserve a day of spoiling.

I am full of a cold today, ds is being better which is nice.

Badvoc · 04/02/2014 10:18

Pudcat..I am very sorry for your loss x
Lin...what an emotional day tomorrow will be for you. Enjoy your fish and chips tonight!
T- hope the cooker gets sorted!
Ds still off school poorly. He may be off all week with this if my nephew is anything to go by :(
I am having An MRI this week and going back to see the dr next Friday.
Something is happening at least.
Off to see my aunt shortly.

t875 · 04/02/2014 10:42

Badvoc - good luck for your MRI thinking of you let us know how you get on with it. I hope the cooker can get fixed. It been three times now guess its time to dip in the pocket.

I do know what you mean my dad was the same and very dependant. As time has gone prob around 6 months he started seeing his friends and doing parts of the weekend on his own but even now he's lost at weekends and evenings and dark evenings havent helped. I guess I've got used to it but I also have had to let my dad know that I've got other things to do too and will be there ad much as I can. I am devoted to my dad and always there but it's a lot to write here but he was getting hard the phone calls wasn't stopping even phoned me in the middle of the night. I was getting nothing done. I've taken a tiny step back but this for him too as he didn't want to be in the house and no one was going to wave a magic wand and get him moved plus he was heading to depression and I couldn't let him rot in depression my mum would kick me up the arse big time.

Here if you ever need to talk. I know what you are going through. I would plan your day around your mum this is what I did so I could split myself for everyone including YOU xx

t875 · 04/02/2014 10:48

Oh pudcat what a time you have been through the love and comfort you have your mum through her illness and final days to the end. What a wonderful daughter you were.
To her. And she sounds a wonderful mum.
Sending you hugs for these next few months they will be tough and we are here for you if you need a chat. Surround yourself with all the people that comfort you and take your days slowly. If it helps you have a special little place for a few of her things that are special to you. She will always be with you I truly believe my mum is there for me when I need her not the same which kills but I know she is. I will always keep her memory alive with my girls too.

My thoughts are with you xx

t875 · 04/02/2014 10:54

Tough time though for me Sunday went to my dads he's doing a lot better at the moment which is good. His spiritus are high maybe the comfort he found when we saw the psychic last week.

Anyways I make cards and my mum done this too. She had quite a bit crafty stuff. Well I hadn't gone through it. But it was so hard to take them bits.. Although I know she would live me too as she would give me bits and pieces over time. But taking our stickers and all the bits for the cards was very very tough.

On a lighter note ..
We were Playing good ol classic scrabble last night all of us. Oh it was funny! Especially me and my 9 year old swapping a few letters!!

mummylin2495 · 04/02/2014 11:09

Glad you have had a bit if fun over the weekend t just what everyone can do with at times. I have had a very trying weekend A with my friend and B with my dd,s ex. Neither situation is improving and in fact in both instances can only get worse. Every year on news eve another friend and I always say to each other " well lets hope next year is better " well it hasn't happened yet ! But one day it will i suppose. Terrible weather here today, rain hail and thunder . But looking forward for going to first dinner at my sisters. We are all going not just me and dh.

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ssd · 04/02/2014 17:54

have a nice chippy tea with your family mummylin, sounds really nice xx

supermariossister · 04/02/2014 18:26

have a lovely tea

t875 · 04/02/2014 22:42

Hope you had a lovely tea Lin. We're all have a cuppa and cake with you tomorrow!! X

mummylin2495 · 04/02/2014 22:43

Just got back from my sisters . We all ad a lovely evening and one of her twins actually said " aunty Lin " it was so cute. They are two at the end of the week and sadly our mum didnt get to meet them. Although she did feel them kicking the night before she died.
We have had a laugh and lovely fish and chips !!

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t875 · 04/02/2014 23:07

Ahh glad you had a nice night Lin! Totally deserved it! Precious little one saying aunty Lin.

t875 · 05/02/2014 08:06

Jumping in quick to say a big
Happy birthday to Lin
I hope your day goes the best it can. I know it will be hard but hope you can enjoy it as your a special lady x
Save some cake for me! x

supermariossister · 05/02/2014 08:19

happy birthday linn x will be thinking of you and of your sister today

mummylin2495 · 05/02/2014 20:15

Just got a few minutes until my dd and ds with their families arrive. SUPERMARIO thankyou , you have no idea how you cheered my day, what a thoughtful person you are. Will post again later after visitors have gone. Been a very strange day with one thing and another.

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Badvoc · 05/02/2014 20:21

Happy birthday Lin x

supermariossister · 05/02/2014 20:47

heck that was quick I only posted yesterday thought it was going to be late, trusty post service. hope you had a good day lovely lady x

t875 · 05/02/2014 21:40

Good luck for your MRI badvoc? Is it tomorrow? X

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