Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

[mummylin2495]

Here we are , our new home

[supermariossister]

I am glad to hear that you have your family to support you, it is so very hard and time seems to pass in a bizarre daze for a while. try to take care and have a little food if you can manage it. there is always someone here to talk to x

[DowntonTrout]

Hello all.

So sorry for your loss Eliza.

Mums funeral was yesterday. As we came out of the crematorium snowflakes started to fall. I'm not sure about signs, but if there could be one, that was it. Quite beautiful and we all felt strangely uplifted.

[mummylin2495]

Glad that part is over for you downton I hope it was not too much of an ordeal for you and that it all went as you wanted it too. Such a dad time
eliza I am sorry you have had to join us here. The first few days you will be somewhat in a daze really, but just take each day as it comes. Glad to see you have a close family, that will help a lot.deepest sympathy to you.please post when you need to.

[Fayrazzled]

Hello. Could I join you? My Lovely Mum died on Thursday. I don't feel like I thought I would. Everything is a bit surreal and I feel a bit spacey, like everything is not quite happening. It was a bit of a shock, although she had been ill.I loved her so so much. I don't quite know how we're going to manage without her.

[t875]

Downtown - Glad the day went as good as it could for you, i can imagine extremely difficult too. Maybe that was a sign with the snow flakes Down town, i have read things like this. It is very random isn't it and that's the coincidences me and ssd are talking about, things literally come out of the blue. I remember when we went to the crem and it started snowing literally very random as it wasn't snowing.. x

Eliza - So sorry for your loss, its an horrendous time and i feel for you so much, as the others have said take each day at a time and surround yourself with people you will be able to talk to and know they will support you. We are here for you to talk too. x

Super - Hope you are going along ok there, hope things calm down. xx

((hugs)) to you all on the thread.

[t875]

oh Fayrazzled ((())) it is unbelievably hard i was lost beyond belief and wailed for my mum so much when she passed, our was a shock too. I still miss her a lot especially when things are going on or the girls have achieved something but i like to think she can see it all and is still part of it. It is very hard though, but has got a little better, the first year was definitely the hardest but it has got a little easier but i think ive had to learn to shut off thinking of my loss of my mum as it kills but she is never forgotten and is a massive part of my week as i will still talk to her and we also do things she would love and keep her spirit and memory alive. But it can wack me in the face too. We are coming up to her 2 year anniversary of her passing in April and that i know will not be easy. x

[mummylin2495]

Hello fayrazzled I am deeply sorry thatyou have had to join us. It is a very weird time to start with and although you feel so uset it still dosent seem real at all. I think you just get through the early days in a dreamlike condition. Maybe it's our minds trying to help us , I don't know. What I and all the others on here do know is how painful and life changing it is. Now is the time you will find out who your real friends are. There us always someone here eventually to seak to when you need. I am very sorry .

[ImNotCute]

Hello all, and welcome Eliza and Fayrazzled. It's only a month and a bit since I lost my mum so i remember the earliest days after losing her very well (my mum had been ill but died unexpectedly too). I hope all goes as well as it can do for you in the coming days and weeks.

This weekend me, dh and my 2 kids are all staying over with dad for the weekend for the first time since mum died (I've stayed a lot with dad, but without the kids as they would have been too much for him). It is very strange that this is how it will be from now on- mum loved having us over and it seems very strange she is not here.

I hope you're all doing ok x

[Fayrazzled]

Thank you so much for your welcoming comments. I feel so tired tonight- I've done 3 all-nighters at the hospital in the last week and I think it's catching up with me. I feel a bit daft for feeling sad that each day that passes is a day further away from the last one I had with Mum. Does that make sense?

[Fayrazzled]

ImNotCute, my dad is coming to stay with us tomorrow and I think we're all feeling a bit stressed- Mum absolutely loved coming here to stay over and see the children and it will be so strange for him to be here without her. I want him to know he is always welcome here though and this is his home too. I guess this is the first step in us getting used to life without Mum.

Thank you all so much for your kind words.

[mummylin2495]

It all makes effect sense fay my mum also died unexpectedly and I think each day I was like a robot. You wonder how everything else can possibly be the same, how can others be shopping , don't they know someone has just lost their mum . I am glad your dad will have company, he will be lost and trying to find his way.
imnot hope your weekend with your dad is going well, will be nice for both of you to be together and give each other support
Thinking of everyone. Been a bit tied up this week.

[ssd]

fay and eliza, I'm very sorry for both your losses , its a totally surreal time, just try to be kind to yourselves and lean on family for support, if you have that..and take each day as it comes x

[Badvoc]

Sorry to see new faces here but you are most welcome x
Been a bad few days here...ds2 is ill, I am back to the hospital tomorrow to beg for a scan and my aunt is fading fast.
Had a worrying text from a friend earlier too so trying to get hold of her.
Been watching the 6 nations yesterday and today and missing my dad who loved rugby.
Mum is being very difficult. She was so utterly dependant in dad and now is on me. I cannot forge a new life for her. I wish I could :(
Just feel very very low.

[Fayrazzled]

Badvoc, thank you for your kind words. I am sorry you are feeling so low and have so much on your plate. .

[ImNotCute]

Hi badvoc, sorry to hear you are feeling low and have so much going on. It is really tough that your mum is becoming so dependent on you when you must be in need of support yourself.

I hope you can find some time and space sometimes to look after your own needs, it is bloody hard being the one supporting everybody else. Fingers crossed that things improve for you soon x

[Badvoc]

Gosh, my posts are all me me me lately aren't they? :(
Got in touch with my friend... It's her dad. He is waiting for test results.
Just want to give her a big hug but she lives 2 hours away.
I keep trying to take my own advice... Kept breathing in and out, keep putting one foot in front of the other...it's all any of us can do.
Love to all x

[t875]

Badvoc I remember this all so well with my dad. Luckily he had friends and he was a bit independent doing his things along with my mum would have her days of doing things. But I know what you mean. My dad has been very dependant on me lately but he has also been very very worried about everything my sibling isn't there as much so it's all been on me. It got very stressful we had a good chat it got to the stage where I wanted to be there for him but I was feeling really in the middle trying to be there fit the children and my husband. He is doing better.

Is there any friends or any club that your mum can join or a bereavement club? Have you got brothers or sisters to help you?
I feel for you though as much I'm doted to my dad the pain and loneliness and lost ness kills me to see him go through big hugs badvoc. Pm anytime. I did try to pm you the other day but it didn't come up. X

[southernbelle79]

hi all. my hub has just lost his mum. to cancer.

his brother was her carer for the last 10 years, she was his life.

does anyone know where I can find him bereavement counselling? he will jolly well need it. He has had no social or work life and is only 30 years old.

any numbers gratefully received. he will probably not be ringing them for himself so I hope these organisations don't mind me doing the enquiring.

thanks in advance! !

ps Marie Curie nurses are utterly fantastic!

[Badvoc]

T...she won't. I've tried. My friend has offered to take her to a knitting group once a week. She won't go. She won't go anywhere that isn't with me or my sister and my sister will only take her grocery shopping.
I feel utterly trapped.
And guilty for feeling trapped.

[Badvoc]

Belle...you can try cruse. My sister is having counselling through a local hospice which had been much quicker.
If you go through a gp you will only get 6 x sessions whereas if you self refer you will get as many as you need.
He will have to self refer I'm afraid which means phoning himself and having a home visit.
I'm sorry for you loss.

[supermariossister]

sorry to see new faces here. I agree with others about trying cruse or local hospice for counselling.

badvoc, you can only do so much don't feel guilty for still needing time for you, am always on pm.

totally confused this morning shopped online paid through PayPal the payment took ages to go and then lots of bills went out same time must have sent me overdrawn by a couple of pound so this morning the money has appeared back in my bank, it's showing on PayPal as on hold, will they take it again now or do I have to do anything too it?

[Fayrazzled]

Morning everyone. Dad and I are in the throes of planning Mum's funeral. It still all seems very unreal. I have cried a little bit but I still feel very numb.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable about something though. A few close friends have expressed a wish to attend the funeral- they knew my Mum via me, and I am so pleased they want to be there. However, I have heard on the grapevine a few other, less close friends wish to come. I think their desire to come comes from a good place and they wish to support me but part of me also feels as though they're treating it as a bit of a day out.

I am being unreasonable, aren't I? Anyone can attend a church service so it's up to them. I hate the idea of my Mum's funeral being a bit of a spectator sport though.

[mummylin2495]

It's a difficult position to be in, but I would just take it that these other people want to give you their support. I know when my sister died a friend of ours who didnt even know my sister came just to support me and I very much appreciated the thought. And at my mums I had several friends attend, who although they knew my mum slightly also came to give me their support.i would not worry about it but feel glad that they want to be there for you. Hope you get the arrangements sorted so you have exactly what you want for your mum. It's a very fraught time.

[Dutchoma]

From a slightly different perspective (husband not parent): I was very glad of the support of eight MN buddies at the memorial service, only two of whom had ever met my husband. Get all the support you can get, it will mean a lot.

[LollipopViolet]

Our next door neighbours came to my granddad's funeral, as did a very good friend of mine who knew him. I was grateful, especially for my friend being there, I needed the support that day :)