Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

[mummylin2495]

Here we are , our new home

That is lovely shabs ( I love joe brown ) how do you put the video on like that ?

Errr let me think - I go onto youtube - get the video I want - then copy and paste. Come back onto MN and paste it onto a new message. Put the [[ round either end of the video and it magically comes up on the message. That has to be the least technical set of instructions I have ever seen!!!!!!!

Love that song - I'll see you in my dreams, hold you in my dreams......'

Never used to be able to put a video on like that on MN - now it just converts it for you.....thought I had become an expert at IT and now know that it does it automatically xx

Beach Boys- I Can Hear Music (1969)
For dad
X

badvoc your link dosent work so have done it again I hope !

beach boys here

Thanks lin!
We played this at the crem as we left.
It's one of dads favourites and I love to listen to it on a sunny day like today :)

I have no idea how that little video just appears as shabs says " it's magic " of course I had to try it and you gave me the perfect opportunity ! Don't the beach boys look so young. Hope it gave you lovely memories today.

We had the ashes service. It was very sad and a few tears were shed. One thing I was really surprised about was I thought they would be in a wooden casket but they were just in a big white paper bag and I also couldn't believe how much there was of it. I can't get my head around that that's all that was left of him. It was all very odd and difficult to come to terms with. I feel very lost without him at the moment. Mum is putting the house on the market next week so and I have alot of mixed feelings about this. I respect her decision that she doesn't want to live there anymore but so sad that we won't go to the house and area he loved so much anymore. She wants to completely cut ties with the life they had together there and move on. I support her decision but I can't help feeling sad about the decision.

How's everyone doing? Have you had a nice time in the sunshine?

Oh pink that dosent sound very nice to have the ashes in a bag. O vinous ly that's hw they must do things. Mums were in a casket but that may of been because they were going to be buried. I understand about your mum wanting to sell the house, but they do say not to make any big decisions like that fir a few months after a loss. It's easy to do the wrong thing in the immediate weeks after a death.
Yes I have been to the crem today to plant some bedding plants in my mums and sisters graves. It looked lovely when I ad done it and also put fresh flowers for them both. Because they are next to each other, they both look the same flower wise, what one has so does the other !
Now going out in my own garden to potter about, it is so warm isn't it, too good to be inside.
Glad the scattering is over for you

Littlepink....my dads ashes were interred and were in an oak casket.
My aunts were in a tiny whicker casket - like a mini picnic basket! - I don't know why that surprised me as she had a whicker coffin.
I am glad your are supporting your mum, but totally understand your feelings wrt the house. Must be very hard for you.
Am having good days and bad days tbh.
Mostly bad recently, but that's due to household stress and worry about ds2 and dh being away.
The next couple of months will be hard...f day, his b day and then of course the anniversary. (And ds1s and Dhs b day in between)
Dreading it tbh.
Dh getting cross with me over mum. She stresses me out so much, and he pays the price when I get homes it's not fair, but what can I do!?
I feel utterly torn.

Very difficult for you badvoc divided loyalties really. But you can't not help your mum can you, so your dh surely must understand that ? And with your boys being ill , you have so many things to see to. Who sees to you though ? I think you have had a terrible year and I remember very clearly the day that you first posted, then you had the shock of your mum being take ill the same day, then your aunty and wasnt there another relation died uncle ? I may have that wrong. You have been a brick but do remember to look after yourself too.

You have a very good memory Lin! :)
Yes, my Dads brother died last April. Then dad in July. Then my dads sister in march (she got her terminal dx in nov)
Mum is ok I think. Still having health issues but refuses to follow a coeliac diet so there is little I can do :( (she was dx coeliac a few years ago)
She has her first counselling appt in a couple of weeks.
She has had a lot of work done - fencing, gardens landscaped so they are low maintenance etc and has put in to buy the house from the LA. She has driven me demented with her demands...I told her I thought she needed a down pipe for the gutters. She bit my head off...rubbish Idea apparently! Then The surveyor recommended it and suddenly it's the best idea ever!
Ditto just about everything else I suggest. So I'm not anymore.
I asked my sister to sort out a solicitor and have had nothing to do with it.
She is very lonely but won't do anything to help herself...she isn't very friendly really, not approachable. It's lack of confidence, but she doesn't come across well :(

sorry I've not been back how is everyone, badvoc you are only human, I can see why it would be a problem with dh though so I hope you can manage to find a balance. had some shitty news tonight that I can't post on thread so I'm hacked off :( wish mum was here we could have a cup of tea and a vent. my sister and nephew has been away for a week now, one week to go. I miss them so bloody much :( they are having a great time though and thoroughly deserve it.

PLease pm me if you think it would help SM x

Hello,

Having only arrived mid-way through this thread I am aware I am skimming over the pain of others. I am just in such a mess at the moment though - I feel desperate. I feel I want to join my mum and dad (I won't, don't worry.) But I am miserable.

There just doesn't seem to be anyone I can talk to. I feel angry - angry that I'm only 32 and have lost both parents, as if it wasn't enough for my mum to die when I was 16, to lose my dad as well and he wasn't even 70. Angry that my dad was so impossible to pin down and talk to properly. Angry with myself, for not having used the time we did have "properly."

And so, so unbelievably sad and alone. I don't know if I should look into counselling (I am reluctant to, to be honest) or if I should wait it out?

x

Hello mytwo I am so sorry you are so unhappy. It is indeed very young to have lost both parents. When did you lose your dad ?
Some people have found cruse to be very helpful, I think it works for some but not others, but it's certainly worth a try.
I am sure you sometimes feel like joining your parents at times, I guess at some point we all wish we go and be with our loved ones. But life can be good again eventually, although never the same. Grief can take such a long time to recover from.
Please feel free to post at any time , wether to rant or because you want to talk to people
Do you have any family and friends in RL who will be there for you to talk to ? Siblings ?

Just my brother but I'm supporting him at the moment really.

My dad only died last week.

I don't really have any other family. People say things that are so unhelpful.

I have rung up about counselling today - my feelings wrt the next couple of months have convinced me I need to.
They do normally say you need to wait a few months but as you have already been bereaved that may not apply to you.
I think people mean well. They are just tactless/dint know what to say.
A woman came up to me in the street this morning and told me who is going to be living in my aunts old bungalow....I really don't care and don't really want to talk about it.
I spent many days there caring for her and it doesn't bring back the happiest memories...
My mum is still here, albeit in poor health.
She favours my brother so much and to such an extent it is pushing my sister and I away from her, which is sad.

Oh mytwo no wonder you are feeling so down , your bereavement is so recent, just a matter od days. It's a horrible time to be going through and I really feel for you. It's a mind numbing thing to be going through. It seems like your world has been turned upside down, and for you at the moment it has. What you are feeling is very normal. It is so bloody painful.who is there to support you ?
badvoc this is maybe what you need, you have been through so much and a person can only take so much before something has to give. I hope you get your apt through quite quickly so you can get the help you need. I am like you. I don't want to know who is in my mums house, I never met the people , but my brother did. I won't even go down mums road in case I see someone in her garden. I couldn't bear it.

Im struggling, had mums funeral on Friday, it was a lovely service. Im at the citizens advice today, she had a lot of debt and we found bags of debt letters hidden all over the house. Just don't want to deal with any of it today, but must carry on.

Ooof.
That must have been a shock.
I found dealing with letters, paperwork one of the hardest things after dad died.
You will get good advice at CAB.

Oh dear gemdrop I have no idea what happens in things like debt, don't they just write things off ? Hope it's all worked out and you won't have to worry about it personally.

Think it's just a case of they will write to each company with death certificate on my behalf, advising of mums death and her estate is insolvent. Im not off to the best start, left my handbag with several copies of death certificate and some of the paperwork in the car, which is with Dh...at work...Im bloody useless!