Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

[mummylin2495]

Here we are , our new home

Funnily enough I understood what you wrote first time T !!!

nataliehope all goes well for your dads funeral. You will be ok and get through it. I will be thinking of you

Thankyou everyone. Back to normal today, in the sense that Dh back to work and me at home. I think ds will keep me busy though. My mum was a kind caring person but she let a lot of her issues eat away at her life and had only just been seeking help. Feel very angry from time to time as now we definitely won't have the relationship we were capable of and dc won't either. Then I feel sad as she was my mum and she could have had such a happy life then feeling guilty at getting angry.

Thinking of you Natalie x x x

t875, all the very best in your new job. Im sure your mum knows all about it, but like you this belief comes and goes a bit. Just now I just dont know. But I hope so with all my heart xx

sorry I've not been back it's all gone a bit tits up this last week or so been mega busy. mad neighbour has screamed at me this morning and next week is 18 long long months since I've seen my mums face. truth be told the entire world is getting on my last nerve . how are you all

Hello SM sorry to see things not been too good. Snap , here too ! Only just came In from the garden. I've actually got enthusiasm for a change! How is your mums memory garden doing ? Have you planted it up ?
Natalie was thinking f you and I hope you managed to bear it ok, I suppose we really have no choice but to get through it as best we can.
T good luck with job

there are some plants coming up and something weird happened I put some cut roses on from Asda that were meant for grave but I didn't get there, they were looking a bit lacking so just lay them down then took them off few days later, it's a couple of months on now and there's a rose growing there! the woman whose dog bit me went ballistic at me this morning because I told her her dog should have a muzzle on, am wondering if to report her for screaming at me like a loon / dog she cant control but don't want hassle every day she's a bit nuts. how's things with your family now linn? glad to hear you are getting out in the garden

How strange about the rosé ! Not too bad but last week was very distressing. But for now all ok . Yes there is a lot to do garden wise at the moment, have only just had dinner as I was out there till 6. 30 . Need to get some little plants to do mums and my sisters little gardens up the crem. Just to make it look nice. I can't bear it looking messy. But went on Sunday and everything looked very nice there and there were flowers from mums birthday still fine.nearly 3 weeks they have been there !

it is hard isn't it I wish I didn't go over things so much because it's kind of like torturing myself when it won't change anything but I can't help it I guess we all do that don't we

Yes I think we do SM. it must be a natural thing to do. Just relive the worst day of our lives.but it has such a devastating effect on our lives , we are probably quite normal in that now and again we can't help but slip back there again. As long as we continue to get on with our lives and don't get obsessive about it, I guess it's fine .

T - good luck in your new job, I really believe that your mum knows about it.

Gem - sorry to hear about your mum. I think one of the hardest parts of grief is thinking about all the things that could have happened if there had been more time. I hope you are doing ok.

SM and Lin - hope things are a get better for you both.

Is everyone else ok?

We had the funeral yesterday and it wasn't as bad as I had feared. My mum found it really difficult but I still feel as if it isn't really happening. I was sad of course but it still doesn't feel like dad is really gone. It was a lovely send off for him though, which I am pleased about. Just scared about when it does all become real and really hit me.

sm, I do that too, go over and over everything in my head, its driving me nuts..even though I spoke it all out its still there, and I notice when i do talk about it during the day it wakes me up at 4am thinking of it all. ..and dh said everything gets on my nerves, wish I had his nature, nothing bothers him. I LOVE the rose story, thats so nice! I dont know what to advise about the screamer with the dog, tbh my gut feeling is to report it as the dog might bite a child, but reality is she sounds a nutter who might give you hassle you dont need.
good advice mummylin last post (as always!)

My sleep pattern is awful......we are, sadly, living on disability benefits (dont have to go any further with that one - other than to say money is beyond 'tight), its my DS3's 22nd 'remember day' (anniversary) on Saturday, and I have, today, had enough. Had enough of 'coping', had enough of my Dad being dead, had enough of my precious Mum coping with advanced Alzheimers...and I want to be a little kid again. Sat here in my living room shouting at my Dads picture....bet he is thinking I have lost the plot. I hate being an adult - getting older is not fun - at all.

Feel like having a full blown toddler tantrum - right now!!!

Oh dear shabs I think it's fine for you to have a rant about your situation. You have gone through so much that would of completely floored a less strong person. It doesn't help when finances are so tight and you have to budget for every single thing. I can see why you can't sleep, your mind is overloaded at the moment. Can you get anything to help you from your doc or try nytol to help you relax ?

Trouble is that I have several things to 'discuss' with my GP - she is my parents and my GP and she failed them dreadfully near the end of my Dads life. I am going to change GP's and then go back and blast the stupid woman.

I know all this will pass - I know my memories and feelings will change but, for now, I am like a mad woman - just want a fight

Been visiting Mum at the nursing home this afternoon. They had a 'music and movement' hour.....young man and woman getting them to play instruments and move around and sing. It was hysterical. The sight of my Mam banging on some bongo drums and singing Delilah on top note almost made me wet my pants laughing. So, at least, she is happy with her day and thats all that matters xxx

Your mums music session sounds like great fun !
Yes if you have had problems with GP. It's very wise to change, you need to have confidence in your doc.

I'm sorry shabbs you've got a lot on your shoulders. It isn't fair. No one could blame you for being angry at the world. Just sending you and a quiet hug xx

mummylin, hows your dd doing now x

Sending everyone hugs, looks like we are needing some, my birthday was alright. Was in tears a few times throughout the day, seemed to perk up but am on a complete low today. Feel very guilty as have little patience with dc and have become shouty lately.

She is fine ssd now they are out of the situation they both feel much better and the best news is that their dad seems to be on the up. Fingers crossed it continues. He had a very close call.
gemdrop glad you managed to Beth through your birthday, it is very sad when someone we are used to seeing on our special days are no longer here to share it with us. You are allowed to feel sad / cross. We all get like that at some stage.

gem,, its the days/months "after" that are the hardest, the lowest. To me people think its the first birthday, mothers day, Christmas that are the hardest to take and dont get me wrong, they can be heartbreaking, but its the "nothing" days when all you do is get on with things whilst your heart is broken and no one seems to notice that are the hardest. Sorry to be glum, just wanted you to know your not alone and we understand how you feel here.xx

I agree ssd any day can suddenly turn into a very sad day when your mind starts doing overtime . Nothing seems the same anymore. And I have a complete lack of interest in things since mum died. I am not interested in going on a holiday anymore, which I loved before. But for years mum used to come with us ( 2 brothers, 1 sis in law dh myself and mum ) and I always shared a room with mum and dh shared with one of my brothers. Now she isn't here and my enthusiasm has gone. But on the other hand, thank god we did have those holidays, there are a lot of lovely memories, least of all when my mum woke me in the middle of the night thinking someone was breaking in above the wardrobes where the safe was, the noises were obvious to me, was an energetic couple enjoying their holiday sex !!! We had such a laugh, but it scared mum and she would never of stayed in a room on her own.

God love her mummylin!

Hi sorry ive been awol for a while. Saturday is going to be a difficult day. We will be scattering dads ashes. Im really worried about it. I really don't want to do it. It just seems so final. I know hes gone and that's final but this is like the complete end. Mum said any of us can hold the urn and scatter them into the ground. I said no way, I cant do it. I just cant. I cant bear the thought of it. On a more positive note, ive just found out im pregnant. What a crazy time. Dad died 5 weeks ago and im 6 weeks pregnant. Its like one out, one in. I really feel like this baby has been sent to fill his space and it was all meant to be. Gives us something to focus on and mum something to looks forwards to. Mixing pregnancy hormones and bereavement is very strange though.

Hello littlepink yes it is the final thing you will be doing for your dad and it will be a very sad occasion . But the worst thing has already happened. Your dad died. The ashes mean your dad will be at rest in his final resting place. It was different for me as mum although cremated is buried in a full size grave as it is for me and dh too. I have to admit I could not look down to see her little casket.are you having a vicar or someone there ? We had the one who conducted mums funeral service. But it literally only took a few minutes . I don't know how it is when the ashes are scattered.