Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

[mummylin2495]

Here we are , our new home

Hi Lin.
It is nice to see the sun isn't it?
Mum isn't doing so well. She has been to the gp finally though and is considering meds and counselling. So, thats progress.
I am hopefully going to see a friend tomorrow if the dc are back at school - she is very easy to talk to.
For some reason I keep thinking of the day dad died...I remember the young dr who came up to me and asked about dads meds etc - he looked about 12. As he walked away I touched his arm and said "please don't let my dad die"
I wish I hadn't said that.
How awful for him. He was looking at me with such pity in his eyes.
My dh and friend have told me they think I am depressed.
Dunno.
Not sure I am depressed as such. Grief isn't the same as depression is it?

No I don't think it's the same badvoc . I am glad your mum is thinking of getting some help. I think when you have been a long time with someone and then that person dies, it's like losing half of yourself. It must be almost unbearable. I hope you have a good old natter with your friend as I have done today. We hada brief shower but it's now sunny again and the washing is blowing beautifully !

Thanks lin, yeah good news!! I start my new contract May, i work there already but I will be more committed- annual leave! yay!! [happy]

I think it has certainly helped me through some dark times of late. Still hard at times, this is the in between bit when she was in a coma (although they said there was no hope )

Thanks everyone for the support and comments.
shall we shop im thinking of you i know this is a hard time for you too!!

Hi to everyone else, thinking of you all and here for you x

I have joined from another thread I hope that is ok.
I lost my mum suddenly 3 weeks ago today and am having very up and down days. My dad passed 11 years ago but we knew he was ill and it was difficult to deal with as I was pregnant but had my mum to lean on.
My mum passed suddenly and I cannot stop beating myself up about the fact she died alone (her worst fear) and I was not there.
I miss her so much and have had to clear out her house and hand it back to the council so I dont really feel I have had time to adjust.
I felt guilty yesterday because I caught myself humming to a song and I think I am just blocking it out and not thinking about it.
However at night I struggle. I see her when I close my eyes lying there in her chair or in the chapel and it frightens me. I cannot sleep and I think I am just putting a brave face on the whole thing. I havent cried today is that normal?

Mo2m...I'm very sorry for your loss.
I think the whole "how can I be walking along the street/laughing/humming like nothing has happened" is a very very common feeling after a bereavement.
I know I had a moment like that when hanging out the washing just after my dad died...
Utterly surreal.
Would you like to tell us about your mum? What was she like?

I truly believe my mum waited for us to go we had waited all day we nipped out for some food but my dad was there. Then when we left at 7 to get a breather we got a phone call saying she had passed, i whole heartedly believe after us literally not leaving her bedside all day and then we leave she chose for that to happen. It is all very normal what you are going through, let it all out and be around people who you know will be a comfort and help you, take on any help you can get too.
the what ifs and the if only and the guilt and disbelief is all what we all go through still now at times especially at the beginning more

Take care and very sorry for your loss momof2, i believe my mum is around me and there when i need her, but it still doesnt stop me from missing her loads physically. xx

Hello mumof2 sorry you hpave had to join us here but I hope it Can help you in some way. I completely understand your upset and worry about your mum being alone, this is one of my worries too and I am much further down the line than you. The first few weeks are almost utterly unbearable .but you say you haven't cried today, that is normal. You will have days when you can't stop crying and days like you have had today.
One day you will find longer and longer gaps between the crying times.
It's also ok to do some normal stuff, even though your heart is broken.
What you are feeling is quite normal. I hope you have god support in real life and we are here if you need us.

sorry I havent been around the past few days, half term has take over been so busy. and sorry to see you are joining us mum of two, it is hard and it feels so surreal to be carrying on with everyday things when someone we loved so much and who was a major part of our lives is gone. the day after mum died we had to go into a large local town for her clothes and I remember walking around thinking why are you all so calm and getting on with your day my mum is dead. I didn't think I would ever laugh again without feeling guilty but I can tell you that I do and you will too one day. we are always here to chat to there is someone around most days. take care.

how is everyone? I am finding half term difficult it reminds me of how we would be spending it if she were Still here, as it is ds is being an absolute horror with a right mouth on him and has lost the ability to listen and money is at a low so we aren't up to much!

Badvoc sorry I missed your message I think we must have posted not long after each other!

Sorry to hear about your mum I know what you are going through its so hard isn't it my dads 2 years down the line so it's getting a little easier but we still get bad times with him. Waves.
He went to cruse and it did help him somewhat just to talk to someone who wasn't me and my brother could say what he wanted. Cruse also helped me to be able to help him and myself along with my family. Can you phone them for you?
I to think there can be a link to depression / anger/ anxiety with grief. But it's waves if it stats all the time then best to talk to the doc but if in waves it could be grief.
Thinking of you.
Has your mum got people she can visit?
Any clubs she might like? Took a while got my dad but he's in a club and wouldn't be without it he also has the church he goes too.
Chat to me anytime you want to talk, I know what you mean.
I'll say one thing you do have to do what's best for you too and get that quality time with your family as I have found over the last 2 years it's caused a few issues for my husband. But he also understood I had to be there for my dad.
Xx

Hi sm!! Good ol school holidays eh!!
Good to hear from you.
Hubby off today but with ohhh the joys... The flu ( cold) ugh. Sympathy that's me
Up the shops to get my mum some flowers and a scented candle to remember her tomorrow the day she left us
I'm not too bad sad feeling round me but I'm ok
I know she is around me.
I've got to share a story
I got my letter from my boss yesterday saying welcome to the company I'm over the moon it's been a long haul on the temping road normally I'm covering people or maternity leave and when they come back I'm gone
Well hubby put my letter up against my daughters picture on the fire place we were watching tv and after 15 mins the letter fell down onto its face. There was no breeze or wind it was weird and I took it as a sign she was saying well done and proud of you..

Thinking if you all xx

T - she has been referred for counselling. I am glad. The dr has told her that he is there for all of us.
I have taken ds back to school for the last day. He was crying :( I feel terrible, but he has missed 11 of the last 15 days of term.
I know he has been really poorly but I think school think I am a neurotic mother :(
I am speaking to the teacher who he,so kids with emotional issues at 2.30 today...
Is morning. I asked him why he wS so upset and he said "when I am at school I worry about you mummy"
:( :(
I have really messed up haven't I?
I though both boys were coping well.
I was wrong.

No you haven't messed up atall, children do not understand how hard we go through the grief of losing our mum or dad, you honestly can only do so much for them hun, it is so hard also i know to look after and take on the responsibility of our other parent now im not saying i begrudge that of course i don't, but it is very draining at times. Can you and family go out for the day or just a meal, do your siblings help you with your mum?

its hard as children don't speak to us, youngest did she was 7 how old is ds? my eldest didn't, just shut off, got angry, screamed shouted but she did have hormones going on too. How are you to you know if he doesn't speak to you and tell you hes worried about you. I remember the first year on and off i was a mess, and the girls saw that often, some days i couldn't hide it. so no you have not messed up hun ((huge hugs)) and sending you xx

pm anytime you want a chat

That is good she has been referred for counselling, hopefully this will help her. its a long road though i know its been the last 4 months of this year my dad has been doing better and is more settled in the house. xx

He is 5.
He was 4 when dad died.

does he talk about your dad?
how are you feeling, are you ok? do your siblings support you/your mum? x

Not really T. Occasionally he will say "it's a shame pop died" or something like that.
My siblings don't see mum much.
God knows what's going in with my sister - she has always been very selfish but since dad died its got worse.
Feels very raw today.

Not bloody fair on you Hun! You are going to have to tell your sisters they need to share the help and responsibility for your mum it's only fair!! You can't do it all in your own. Me and my brothers relationship isn't great since I told him he has to do more. But it's tough my dad has two children not one. I would take a tiny step back I know you feel guilt I've been there but we do have to have our lives too. I have walked your shoes with this situation many times over 2 years and I'm sure will carry on. I feel for you. We all get raw days Hun. Sending you a big ol hug xx

Thank you x
We are having a kitchen fitted over Easter and dh is away with work for 12 days from Easter Sunday (!!) so we are moving to mums for a week :)
I think she is quite looking forward it :)

ahh bless any time! Helps to let off steam sometimes doesn't it. We are all here and i have seriously let off steam lately on the forum x Yeah my dad is coming here tomorrow he knows he can stay if he needs too. Tomorrow is 2 years since my wonderful mum passed over. How great having a new kitchen you must be excited about that. we are out for dinner Easter Sunday! xx

Oh T :( I will be thinking of you and your mum tomorrow x
Mum has gone a bit mad...has bought new bedding for the beds we will be sleeping in and is threatening to buy a DVD player for her bedroom so the dc can watch DVDs in bed!!
:)

Same here t .hope you have lots of happy thoughts instead of sad ones. Dropping off to sleep here so can't write anymore now. Night all

Anybody up?

Sitting with my dad, who has stage 4 liver cancer, diagnosed at Christmas. He's gone rapidly downhill since I was here with the dcs last weekend for his birthday, mum called me back. He's stopped eating last Sunday.

I can't sleep, but had to give mum a break as he's had 2 bad nights and last night fell a couple of times and she wasn't able to get him up (paramedics had to be called).

He's incredibly proud and is still trying to retain control, but he's just not capable.

Sorry to burst in and unload like this.

isthatrue I'm sorry no- one was here for you. I guess you are going through a very tough time at the moment. It must be very difficult at such a sad time. I hope you are still able to chat to your dad and make more memories. I'm guessing your dad is still at home ? Will he stay there or go into hospital ? Please post again if you need to offload.

Oh I am sorry isthattrue
My aunt was like this when she was at home and my poor cousin just couldn't cope. She also had a couple of falls.
She spent her last few days in a nursing home.
Does your dad have a care package?

In case anyone hasn't seen what's happening on the site, it would be wise to all change your password. Looks like site been hacked. Lots in site stuff. First time in 8 yrs I have changed mine !