Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

[mummylin2495]

Here we are , our new home

I would get upset at the rest of my family just being their normal selves, I just can't do it, any other day I would of, just not that day. I'm not sure what my mum would think. I wouldn't like to think that I could enjoy her birthday now she isn't here. Oh I don't know, it's just all so mixed up

It's very very difficult.
am dreading dads b day on June, and f day of course.
There's always something isn't there? :(

I think it's a flip side isn't ot Lin. I would feel the same as you but then the other side like badvoc said would she like for you to go even for an hour?
I can imagine though hard decision this stuff isn't easy it really isn't. Your mum would want you to be happy but I can imagine and I know it's hard really I do. X

Been out for dinner tonight with dh and my brothers, not been home long , my sis was meant to be coming but a problem cropped up so she couldn't come. Dh got real shirty when I said I didn't want to go to the party, so of course I snapped at him and said I wasn't stopping him going, which I'm not. I don't think anyone realises that mums death has affected me so much.the only people who really understand are the people on this thread. I don't understand it.

We feel what you are going through the battle of emotions lin. You do what you feel comfortable with. I would go if it was me for an hour and gage how I felt after that. She will have her little ones there will she!? Might be a break you will enjoy. We're be here when if you go x

Shall we - sorry I've not got bank sooner!
Sounds like I times of loss are roughly the same. I lost my mum 6/7 the April. That is when she had her stroke which put her in a coma but they told us her brain had died and she wasn't coming back week after she slipped away it was an absolute killer!
I'll be thinking of you! Luckily I'm inna lovely place of work and people so this April I'm more busy but it was still be beyond hard. My mum had her stroke Good Friday!!
Lin I'll be thinking of you too with April as I can imagine tough time. Just thinking is there anything you could do what your mum would have done for your sisters house warming? You could maybe take a photo frame or picture that you think your mum would like for her or your sisters favourite flowers x

I forgot to get back about my dad. He has barratts but they aren't worried. I worry about some of this stuff being hereditary how can we prevent our selves from getting to danger points. Cause I know for sure I will hate a camera down the back if my throat that's for sure!
Gorgeous sun today guys. Hope your going along not too bad xx

T...I Know several people with barrats, come of whom have had it for years and years.
My barium meal results were ok btw. I know I need to control my symptoms though diet but it's hard ATM...lots going on, can't really concentrate on me ATM.
Ds1 has tracheitis which there is no real treatment for other than lots of his blue inhaler and linctus.
Ds2 is back to school today but still on antibiotics :(
Everything just feels like crap ATM.
I see no light at the end of his tunnel :(

Hello everyone.

Mother's Day was crippling, that's all I need to say really isn't it?

Badvoc - Life is being rather shitey to you and your DC just now lovely :( I'm so sorry to read about the boys, because it puts more pressure on you, from start to finish and that's exhausting..... you're coping with grief and that drains you completely..... and so unfair.

I want to send you a massive {({( HUG )})} :) xxx

There is light sweetheart, it's just on energy saving mode right now.... but not forever, I promise xxx

oh badvoc I really feel for you, you;ve been through the mill so many times now , its amazing you've kept your clear head, although I know it wont feel like it sometimes!

t875, if they arent worried to me thats a good sign, I dont know anything about barratts, so cant offer any advice other than take care of each other xx

mummylin, dont go to the party if it makes you feel bad, you'll feel sad enough that day, but maybe wait until the day and see how you feel, sometimes I find how I think I'll feel isnt actually how I eventually feel, maybe just before the party you'll decide to go for a little while and it;ll be ok, though of course if you just cant face it thats fine too, you must do whats right for you. I dont know how other family members can just forget and get on with their lives so easily, its something I'll never understand either.

for everyone here xxx

t - you can have an endoscopy under a stronger sedative if you request it, the first time I had an endoscopy, I went mad so they gave me a pre-med and sedation throughout the next times.

If they refuse that, tell you want a General, they soon agree to a stronger sedation! xxx

Sorry to hear about your Dad lovely. xxx

Hey ssd - missed you there, I was working my way back through everyone... how are you? xxx

Thank you.
Am feeling pathetically sorry for myself :(

WOW! Reading back, you are all really going through the mill with relatives and those on the outside of the circle of your internal grief. It's so haunting and sad to read how much you are all hurting.

The night before Mother's Day, my family were all together in the pub, all together, without me. They posted comments and pics all over facebook and it really, really, hurt me.

BUT - they were celebrating Mum's life, it's just that I wasn't with them that made me hurt so much, I really did. My heart broke. I know that others would say 'don't be so daft' whilst other that have lost a parent would see the reasons for me feeling so crappy about it them all being together.

It's pathetic and childish, that I know but I can't help the way that not being with my Dad, Brother and Sister.... If they'd had warned me and said, 'we're all going to the pub to celebrate Mum tonight so you might see pics of us all' which would have been fine then I'd have coped better, but to have a number of pics shoved on my FB wall, with quotes like 'my sis and me' - not even sisters but have been very close etc.

Maybe I'm jealous but it hurt. Yes they all live nearly 2 hours away but it really hurt.

So, I'm going to STFU moaning and remember that grief is causing me to feel so lost.

I've been to see where Mum is lying to rest. That crushed my heart.

Anyway, time for Nemo to go to bed. I'll be here again xxx

badvoc, your not pathetic at all, we're all gobsmacked here at the amount you've had to go through since losing your dad, its so very unfair, I think no one could grudge you a bit of self pity....try to be kind to yourself x

mouseface, hi! am fine, that generic "fine"!! worrying a bit about health issues, pissed off a lot with my "family", not dh or the kids may I add....generally trying to keep smiling whilst having a wee cry to myself..probably like most of us here..how are you doing now, things much the same? x

sorry mouseface, just seen your post before mine.....I get the crushing hurt and the inability of those who should be close to you not seeing it or not wanting to see it, never mind not acknowledging it.

I don't understand it, I never will. I've had similar with my "family", and I'll never forgive and forget. I've been told life is too short, blood is thicker than water etc etc and I remember reading a great quote about that...yes blood is thicker than water but it makes more mess when its spilled on the carpet...very true!!

I hope you are closer to your family than I as and you can discuss this with them instead of it smoldering inside you. xx

hugs ((()))

Mouse...gosh, yes that must have hurt :(
I didn't want to post this as it seems that all I post is bad news lately but my cousin (the daughter of my aunt who died) has found a lump. She is on the 2 week wait for an appt.
It's just relentless ATM.
No good news at all.
:(

ssd - I am much the same, BUT.... my lovely GP has put me on Duloxetine which is used for depression and also pain in diabetics. Neither of which am I, but the way it works for the diabetic side of patients is that it blocks certain nerve patterns, so, my pain in my hips is none existent anymore.

AND............ I have been accepted on a three week Pain Management Residential Course (I am allowed to go home to look after Nemo) and that means three weeks of learning how to manage my pain, my own personal pain, in the best possible way :)

From hydrotherapy (which I loved and really helped me so much) to using their state of the art gym, with gravity machines that take all of your weight so that you feel weightless, and learning how to distract your brain from initial pain when it hits...

I am so happy, at last something that is longer term and intense that I can use just for me!

DH is totally on board which is great news. In fact I am so made up I could cry!! :)

But, other than that, you are spot on my lovely. I'm close to my Dad, my sister can be hard to deal with, I love that 'Blood is harder to clear up than water'

I find it's also easier to spill

Massive hugs to you too sweets xxx

Badvoc - Don't be daft about posting 'bad news all of the time'

Life IS bloody bad new most of the time isn't it? :(

I'm sorry that your cousin has a lump, life is so cruel. Stay strong sweetie xxx.

Badvoc - omg that's terrible about your relative that is beyond evil to happen to her. I hope she will
Be ok and it's nothing too bad.
Hope your ds are getter soon too.
Mouse - so pleased to read about you being better with your pain and your pain management lets you be able to be with nemo. Xx ooh how horrible for your family to do that to you. It's their loss mouse your so lovely. Did you say anything?

Ssd the way you explained how your feeling is spot on for me too.

Thanks about the barrats I haven't got it my dad has. They said they will get back to him for a review in two years.

Lin how are you? How is everyone going xx

They said they were not worried about the barrats x

Hi all. badvoc that is unbelievable ! I thought that there would be a good spell for you and yours now after all the heartache. I do hope your cousin will be ok.
My dc have flown to Ireland to see their dad, he is in hospital with phneumonia . Had a text from my dd to say they could of both cried when they saw him on Monday but today he is a lot better. Despite us both being married to other people now, we have always remained friends, that's the way we wanted it when we split and it remains that way to this day. Hopefully he will soon be much improved. Dc coming home on Sunday. First time I haven't had either one of my own dc here.
mouseface glad to read of your pain management coming up. Not so glad to read about the photos on Facebook . Everything seems so hurtful dosent it.
ssdis your Internet back now ? I will see about the party, as I said any other day I would of gone, but I know I will be a misery guts on my mums birthday and won't want to mix with my sisters friends !
T what is barrats ? I have never heard of it before
SM hope you are ok

We'll ds1 and I are sat here watching a horrible histories DVD in our onesies :)
Been to see mum...it would have been mum and dads 43rd wedding anniversary today :(
Mouse face...good news re pain management clinic x

Lets hope your mum is having happy memories instead of sad ones today badvoc a bittersweet day for her. Very dull day here today at the moment although warm

badvoc and massive hugs to you and your cousin xxx

mouseface, brilliant your pain is being managed more positively, all the very best with it xxx

and xxx to everyone else!

PS the laptop came back today hurrayyyy!!!