Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

[mummylin2495]

Here we are , our new home

Thank you mummylin, how are you doing?

Badvoc Clearing out their personal belongings is so very painful. I find I have to switch into this sort of hard-nosed autopilot mode, otherwise I just wouldn't be able to get rid of anything.

Will be thinking of you on Thursday, and hope that the sun shines for your aunt's funeral.

We are interring Mum's ashes on Friday. I'm looking forward to it in a strange sort of way. We interred Dad's ashes in October, just before mum died, and then her ashes have been sitting at the undertaker's all through this long winter. I hope I will feel a sense of peace to be able to finally lay her to rest with dad. I'm going to read a Shakespeare sonnet that she loved. It's more fitting for a wedding than a funeral, but I figured that as we are laying her to rest with her beloved, it will make sense to talk of love. As a poster on another thread said, 'it is love, not death, that has the final word'. That really struck a chord with me.

My children are both going to read too. DD is reading a poem we found online, and DS is reading some of his own personal thoughts about his Mormor. (Grandma).

In other news, I have been feeling physically absolutely awful for a while. This sent me into a spiral of panic about cancer and all sorts. I went to the GP and then saw the nurse for a blood test. The results have come back clear- there's nothing wrong with me it seems. It's scary to me how one's psychological state can have such a profound and real effect on our physical well-being. I'm sure you must all think I'm a total hypochondriac with all the moaning I've done on this thread about my health! I never used to be a hypochondriac, and in fact I've always been lucky and blessed with good health. I very, very rarely get colds or sickness bugs.

But since mum and dad got ill and died, everything has changed. I am so very paranoid about cancer. Every little change or niggle in my body is interpreted as a possible sign of cancer, and then my anxiety spirals out of control, and that then causes more physical symptoms. It's such a vicious cycle!

Anyway, I'll stop waffling now. Sending love to one and all.

Lego...yes. I can relate to all that. I have moments when I panic about all my (many) physical ailments. I read an article once about bereavement and it said that the bereaved visit the gp far more after the loss of a loved one than any other time.
So - I think we are reassuringly normal :)
I will be thinking if you and your dear mum on Friday - I am sure it will being you sense of peace knowing your parents are together again. Your mum managed to be at your dads interment didn't she?
I am dreading Thursday. Just dreading it.
Ds2 is really poorly (again) with an ear infection and conjunctivitis and I feel very on edge and weepy.
Lack of sleep not helping.
It will help knowing you are all thinking of us on Thursday. I shall carry your kind thoughts with me.
My aunts name was Audrey btw. They say I am very like her to look at.
Dear Aud..RIP....give Dad a kiss from me x

waterlego I also will think of you on Friday, although not a happy occasion it will be lovely to have your mum reunite with your mum.
badvoc hope you will be ok tomorrow, I'm sure it will be a great upset for you all.
Thinking of everyone today and hope you are all getting on as best as you can.

In my thoughts today badvoc surely this has to be the end of the terrible last few months for you and your family.

Gosh lin i would be having nightmares with that spider!!
thanks, will be thinking of you too, we know we can all jump in here for a or or my thoughts will also be with you all. I will be picking up my yankee candle on Friday.

Badvoc - Thinking of you tomorrow, we are right with you. xx
waterlego - it really isnt unusual you have been through so much be kind to your self, if you do struggle not sure how you feel but maybe you can think about cruse or just a general anxiety councillor. I cant imagine how you feel with paranoia i really do have that, im scared something will happen to us suddenly i have to really not think about it but its very hard, sending you a big hug and were here to chat anytime xx

hi to everyone else who ive missed xx

badvoc hope you are doing okay as possible today, I have been thinking about you and of Audrey too x

Thank you all.
Very hard day.
Lovely service and just what she would have wanted I think.
Her grandsons and my brother carried her in and her gs and gd read poems.
My cousins eulogy was lovely - I was ok til he mentioned dad :(
I feel utterly drained.

hope you can get some rest tonight badvoc x

Badvoc - I am glad today went well. I can understand how emotionally and physically exhausted you will be feeling and hopefully also a sense of relief that you got through the day. Sending a big heartfelt hug.

Waterlego - I have been feeling the same as you about my health - very anxious. Have had numerous blood tests which put my mind at rest for a while until something else triggers it - it's horrible. I hope tomorrow goes well for you all. What you have planned sounds lovely and has given me ideas on what to do when I scatter my mum and dad's ashes in a couple of weeks. Mum died 8 years ago and dad died 2 years ago - both in April so anniversaries are coming up. Like you, the words another poster on here wrote about love, not death having the final word, has really stayed with me and I am going to focus on that on the day.

Thinking of you today Lego x
Well, I didn't tell you last night, but yesterday was a bit draining for lots of reasons...
Was told to call the paramedics out to ds2 yesterday morning at 9am as he had suspected meningitis!
Long story short he doesn't but has got a really nasty infection and is on ABs. He seems much better today.
Had a sleepless night and kept checking his temp hadn't shot up again - all in all feel quite out of it today.
Waiting for dh to get home so I can go to bed :(

oh badvoc :( what a day eh. am glad that ds is in the clear but sorry to hear that he is so poorly again. am sending some positive vibes your way for a really boring few months ahead!

Oh yes.
That's what I need....
To be be bored
I wonder what it's like? :)

probably dull but full of restful moments which would be appreciated eh. hows ds today x

Seems Perkier. The dr now thinks it's tonsilitis.

Badvoc my god what a time you have had, thank god ds was ok, how very scary for you all. I know what that's like when dd has an infection her temp goes sky high!!
your still in my thoughts i remember oh so well them feelings don't just disappear after the funeral.

oh my word how hard was it up the shops!! god, really hard! I bought a glittery butterfly which i got from the florist the ones where they clip them onto flowers! Got some candles from sainsburys that are in a glass Vanilla smelling!

We are heading to the dreading time of April when we lost her, next week the 5th is when she had the stroke the week after is when she passed away. bloody hard!! Can i hibernate all April!?

Speak to you all soon, hope your all going along the best you can xx

t875 - I feel for you - so hard to see all the mothers day stuff around. its been 8 years since i lost my mum and because my kids are quite young, i have become used to the day being just about me now, though of course i think about my mum too and we will visit my MIL who is in a care home with alzheimers.

April is a hard month for me also. It used to be full of happiness. Our wedding anniversary, our DD's christening, DH's birthday and my birthday. Then my mum died on 4th April, FIL died on DH's birthday, and my dad died on 23rd April!! Talk about hijacking our month! Anyway, the good thing is that I now try to focus on the happier parts of the month and not on the sad anniversaries. I prefer to remember my family on their birthdays and I think they would prefer that rather than me dwelling on their last day.

I know this is easier said than done but it works for me.

Badvoc - so pleased your DS has perked up. Wishing you a very boring rest of the year!

Oh my goodnessbadvoc you certainly do get ls thrown at you ! Glad to see ds s bit better today.
waterlego picturing your mum and dad now together again, hope it went well.
T my mums birthday in April so I also dreading that. Someone bought my brother a big china robin for Xmas and he asked today if I thought he could put it up with mums grave, I thought it would be lovely so he is going to take it to the crem on Sunday. I think we will run out of room for flowers as I know one of my brothers has ordered a display from the florist, and there are 4 more of us ! I will have to find some extra pots to take up there.

hi all how's things? I'm in a foul mood today can't shake it, but my mothers day present in part has come, it's a dance mat for the play station 2 I used to love it as a teenager, will get me moving for sure. now I just need the game to arrive! mums garden has been put back together but no flowers yet. feel mopey today for want of a better word want dp to do something so I'm not sat here with my thoughts but no such luck!

SM...I feel much the same today...(hugs)
I seem to be coming down with ds2s lurgy and now ds1 is coughing too...it's a plague house here ATM!
The kids were too excited and have given me my Mother's Day gifts (even though I said not to get me much) and I have a lovey bunch of daffs (chosen by ds2) and a fluffy onsie (chosen by ds1) :) AND I get breakfast in bed tomorrow!
Might go back to bed for a nap soon....

that sounds nice am glad they are looking after you b. I have bought flowers to take to mum tomorrow couldnt decide so three different kinds. I am so bored today it gives me too much time to think

I too have bought flowers to take to mum tomorrow, but I have had to sort out more vases as I think the flowers from last week will still be fine. I know we would all give anything to be seeing our mums tomorrow. I hope they will all know that we are thinking f them. For the first time my sister should be able to take flowers for tomorrow now she is living back here.i have also bought some for my sister because I don't want hers looking empty when mum will have lots, and anyway she was a mum too for two short years until she died. Hope you will all get cards from your own children as you are mums too !

I will be thinking of you all tomorrow.
I didn't know any of your mothers, but I feel I know you and as such I can tell you your mothers must have been incredibly proud of you all, you are all such kind and compassionate people x

Tomorrow is my first Mothers Day without my mum as she died last summer.
Need to get through it for the DDs as they have planned surprises for me but not sure how.

inkle it is a hard day especially when it's the first one. You will get through it even with the sad memories.the first of everything are difficult . Are you going to take flowers or anything or do you have a photo up at home where you can put a flower ? Always someone on here at someone if you need a shoulder.

We have a memorial plaque in the remembrance garden at the crematorium so have got roses to put in the vase tomorrow.
I expect the 'first' of everything is the worst.