Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

[mummylin2495]

Here we are , our new home

Thank you, you are very kind.
It's awful that my mum is a burden to me but that's how I feel ATM.
I will go and see my aunt next week again and am dreading it.
My friend from church is coming to see me on Friday and she always talks sense into me :)
Also have an mn friend who pms me who is very easy to talk to.
In other news...my car is still broken (at least I have walked a lot this week!) and my new kitchen has been ordered!
It's going to be a busy few weeks! :)
Love to all x

mouse sorry to hear you are struggling the wave of firsts are awful, the mothers day emails and influx of adverts is really getting me down too.

badvoc, you are not a terrible person everyone needs some time now and again to get their own thoughts in order you are only human and can't do everything, please pm me if you want to chat, any of you at all I'm normally around within an hour or two. things are okay here aside from mothers day looming. kid at school being mean to ds it's driving me bats it seems like the kid is naughty and the mum doesn't deal so they just don't tell her, he's getting frequent headaches and aches but I wonder if he just doesn't want to go to school

Oh so many different worries on this thread, as if we don't have enough to deal with without anything else ! But we all have each other thank god and are tied together by the same thing.
badvoc it's amazing you haven't cracked up with everything you have had to deal with in the past few months. Give yourself a break, you are entitled to have some time to yourself. You do the best you can for your mum, but you do have your family to look after as well as looking out for your aunt. Don't make yourself responsible for everyone else. You are a good person but you are not in the best of health and if you get worse through worrying about everyone else you will be no good to anyone at all. So don't feel guilty, be proud of what you have been doing for months.

Wonderful advice for badvoc from mummylin. Very true.
Dreamt of dad last night, anyone else having dreams of their loved ones?,Its so weird he was in hospital but alive again but all the time I was thinking but I have his ashes how has he come back to life. Its like I was aware he was dead but not that it was a dream. Me and mum still didn't speak openly telling him how much we loved him though, wanted to but did not seem right as wanted him to get better not thinking he was dying. So bizarre isn't it I guess my brain is trying to process my thoughts while I sleep. Sorry for rambling.

I haven't. At all.
I wish I had :(

feeling really Crap about the school situation today, ds isn't a huge fan of writing but has been trying really hard to improve, yesterday he had been working on making a booklet when this other child came past swiped it off the table and bent it out of shape . he was upset because his work was ruined, ive mentioned it today and they have said that they didn't see anything. this same child has called ds names, took things off him and generally been a pain in the arse since he joined the class but because the school are involved with the parents they seem to do nothing about it as they know it won't make a difference. because ds is quiet and not much trouble they keep sitting him with this child :( driving me bats

Well, that's not acceptable sm.
Ask for a meeting with the ct and ht and make them aware that - as they are in loco parentis whilst your ds is at school - they have a duty of care to ensure he is not bullied and made miserable by this boy.
Insist that he be kept away from this child in class.
Make it clear that the next step will be a letter to the b of gov.
Seriously, I have zero tolerance for this shit.

i don't know how to word that the main reason they don't pull this child up for bad behaviour is because the parent makes it hell if they do. really getting me down knowing he's there and not happy he has enough to deal with. he was poorly last week and was fretting and they said oh it's okay everyone gets poorly and then they get better, I have spent all week listen to him tell me how wrong this is because nanna didn't . he is too young for all this. how are you badvoc? I hope you managed to have a somewhat restful day

Then you make more hell sm. It shouldn't be like that, but it is.
Your son welfare should not be sacrificed to keep anyone else happy let alone an adult.
I am so sorry. I know how heart rending it is and how impotent you can feel when dealing with "professionals".
Do e mail and ask for a meeting (so there is a trail of contact) Do make it clear you will write to the b of gov if your worries are not taken seriously.

please please forgive me guys im so sorry ive not been around much, my work has been crazy things in the back ground have been crazy too, i have not had a chance to get back on the computer.

Im afraid i cant back track, im going to jump right on in.
anyone that has joined us here I am so sorry you have had too, we are here for you and please take one day at a time and get support where you can, delegate out jobs, and take care of you surround yourself with people that your comfortable with.

Hope all is ok with any of you having appointments.
hope you are all going along the best you can, i think about you guys and im very grateful to have had you all here for the last 2 years don't know what id do without you guys at the lowest times

im going along ok, my work is crazy busy. But im really going to try and jump in more.

hugs to whoever needs it. xx

Oh please don't worry t we are sometimes all busy with other things. Life has a way of finding ,it's for us all to do. Glad you are doing ok, I was only wondering where you were last night! You must have got my thoughts !
Lovely day here today , but can't be bothered to do anything much, so been reading my book that dh got me for my birthday.
Hope you are all coping ok especially the newest posters who have been bereaved so recently. The early weeks are awful so you all have my sympathies . Take care all
SM hope you get something sorted at the school. That's terrible for your ds.
kerstina I have had two dreams with my mum in , but each time she didnt speak a single word to me, but it was comforting to "see" her in my head

My sign was ready today - it's now out in our Angel Garden and looks lovely :) Things feel "right" now that we have a memorial for him.

Also saw a friend who hadn't contacted me since before my granddad died. It was good to see him, we talked, shared experiences, and almost got a bit emotional. It was just nice to know he wasn't deliberately avoiding me - he works all hours under the sun so is quite hard to pin down. I thought he maybe didn't know what to say and so just wasn't saying anything.

That's lovely lollipop that you feel happier knowing that your garden is now more complete as it were. It does give a certain feeling to know that there is a memorial for our loved ones

Thanks lin! Yeah ticking along! How are you doing?

Lollipop that's nice sounds a really nice tribute. I definitely would like to do a small area in the garden with a nice memorial and things she liked

Hi to everyone else xx

I can't face this anymore. The continuous stream of Mother's Day offers. I went to by myself some flowers and was given a flyer about their promotion, by their 'special MD bouquet' for £25.00 and get a free vase.

I instantly thought of my mum. I always sent her gorgeous flowers on Mother's Day, being an ex-florist, I loved picking out stems for her, superior roses, delicate coloured lisianthus, alstroemeria in pale lilac and whites, all finished off with greenery and wrapped in tissue and cellophane.... I miss those days but I miss my mum much, much more.

I need to get Nemo to bed. Sorry for just jumping in and moaning again. xxx

mouse yes you can do it, I know it's unbearable but sadly it's something we have to face. Yet another thing which brings us more sorrow and pain. But we have no choice. It is awful seeing all the adverts for Mums at the moment. Take a few deep breaths and then sit and think of something you can do to celebrate the life that your mum did have. Do you have a photo of her up in your home, if so you can put a lovely floral decoration by that own Mother's Day. Or you could buy a plant in her memory and plant it in your garden. There are a few things we can all do so that Mother's Day does not have to pass us by completely.
I myself have a lovely photo that one of my brothers did for me and also for each one of my siblings. He put it in a lovely frame and it has been in place ever since I have had it, I always have fresh flowers by her. So each one of my siblings houses has the same photo !

Oh mouse, you sound so terribly sad :(
I don't know what to say other than yes, it's crap, yes it's awful, but you will get through it.
And next year, and the year after that.
And it will always feel different. Hopefully, not always this sad and upset, but a day you can get through, whilst remembering all the good times.
I am dreading Father's Day this year, and dads b day soon after, but we will get through it, for ourselves, and to honour his memory x
My aunt is fading fast now :( another link to my dad will be gone :(

A friend told me about this chat yesterday.

I lost my mum 17 dec 2013 she was ill for 6 months but was in remission and getting on with her life . Just 17 days after her birthday she was dead even her consultant at the hospital was in shock. I am still in denial and hating all those Mother's Day advert on tv at the moment, this year it is cancelled for me. Just popping by to say hi.

Hello inreb, So sorry for your loss. It sounds as though it came as a bit of a shock to everyone when your mum died :(

Hello mummylin, Badvoc, t875, Mouse and everyone else.

Gorgeous sunny day down here today- hope you all have nice weather too.

I feel lost today. But I can't cry anymore- the tears have stopped coming. I haven't had a proper cry for weeks now- just well up occasionally. I don't think my grief can have gone away- it's too soon. I think I just feel numb. So fuzzy-headed a lot of the time and find it hard to focus on anything for long. I guess this is just another symptom of grief.

I am sorry for your loss inreb x
My aunt died earlier this afternoon.
And I feel utterly numb.

am sorry badvoc, you have been there for her as much was possible and I'm sure that meant so much. am on pm if you want to chat

I'm so sorry Badvoc. xxx

Oh badvoc I am so sorry for you am your family but glad that your aunt won't have to suffer anymore. I really don't know how you have coped all these months and now this. Is your DH at home or away ? I suppose now it means it's going to mean you will have to once again make sure your mum is ok. Please don't do more than you can cope with. You know we are here when you need listening ears.
inred I am sorry fr your loss too. Mother's Day will be very sad fr you as it's so close to your loss. But there is no way to avoid it. We are all fed up with seeing all the adverts and cards in the shops and its one of the saddest days.always someone here to chat with if you need .
Thinking of everyone and hope your all ok.

badvoc who is going to have to sort out everything for your aunt ? You can't take all that on too

Inreb. Sorry for your loss so very hard. We are here for you. Talk to us anytime. Hugs to you x

Sm - son having trouble at school did you mention about your son? I would definitely say something! What a brat of a child the other boy sounds!!

Mouse - it's so hard Mother's Day but please don't forget you are a mother too and it's your day for being a fantastic mum. Do you have a small area where you can put special things to your mum?
I know for sure my mum would want me to have a nice Mother's Day.
Do you think cruse might help you? I had 4 sessions and they helped me along. I do still get sad though but I also think as they say it's time that helps a little too. You are still early on In your grief but be rest assured from what u know from things that have happened and me seeing a medium they are still with us and looking out for us. But I do miss my mum and sometimes I can't think of what I've lost it kills x (( hugs)) to you

Badvoc - sorry to hear about your aunt. My god what you and your family have been through. Sending you massive hugs and sending love to you x

Hi to everyone else. Lovely day today!
Mother's Day for me is crem on Saturday I've decided a nice mixture of carnations for my mum. I'll have my day Sunday and light a candle I'll buy a Yankee candle for my mum.
It's very hard though but our mums would want us to have a good one as we are also mummies mums and we do a damn good job of it. Work hard school issues, health issues, always the ear for them so we do deserve to enjoy part of it for us. Last year I split mine. Part for my mum and then mine.
Meal with my dad bro and his wife today great!
Catch up later everyone. Hope your day isn't going too bad xx