Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

[mummylin2495]

Here we are , our new home

I actually used one of my mums handbags tonight when I went to bingo with my friend ! Mum didnt help me win though !
t no problem at all
SM that is what I have been putting up with for weeks SM but the other way round and it resulted in mans suicide. It's 5 weeks ago now and the repurcussions have been awful. I was so angry with my friend it nearly broke up,our friendship. Yes she has a lovely d who does so much for her. Not as strange as folk. I'm afraid I have told her what I think in no uncertain words, but have told her although I down approve I will support her through this. But it's been a nightmare really, you have my sympathies.
badvoc glad your ds seems a bit more settled at the moment, long may it lasta

ahh lin nice for you to use your mums handbag i bet she loved you using it, hard though on the other hand isnt it. Ive used purses of my mums and i also have used a hand bag it was nice, and again i know for sure she would be pleased for me to use it as she was always so easy to please and if she was finished with something id be one to get it or she would just buy be things like that.
what a situation wiht your friend, beyond tragic and i can imagine how much that has really stressed you. My friend cheated on her bloke once and i hated it as i have been on the other end of that after being cheated on myself so i know how you feel to have that happen..ok the bloke was a right bastard and meant nothing in the grand scheme of things but at the time i thought i was madly in love!

well best get myself to bed, my gum is really in flamed where i believe my wisdom tooth is coming through and it kills, i was agony this morning at 6 am!!
catch up soon night all xx

T in mums other bag which I bought home from the hospital she has her purse. It still has money in which I can't bear to take out ! It seems really stupid to leave it there, but it would feel wrong spending it ! There s £35 in notes and a few coins.

T - I have a Henry Hoover and love it.
I talk to him as I potter around with him :)
Wrt your tooth, swish soluble co codamol around your mouth. Sounds mad but does help (had to have all my impacted wisdom teeth out under ga so am an old hand dealing with the pain!)
Had a really upsetting meeting with my cousin last night....my aunt is being moved to a nursing home. BUT the nurses are very angry as she is telling us all she can't do this or that and getting my cousin to spoon feed her when she is there and it turns out when we are not there she does it herself
My cousin is distraught and feels embarrassed that we have all been helping for so long and she probably didn't need it.
The hospice have said she needs no real help ATM other than some pain relief.
I am speechless tbh. I know my aunt is a difficult character...she always has been - but to put her daughter through this?
:(
Lin...I have one of dads tatty old jumpers. It's in my wardrobe now.
I am sitting up in bed and I can a see some blue sky :)

glad you can see blue sky badvoc, sorry to hear of your aunt and the troubles, I think sometimes they just want to stop. when mum was in hospital before we knew what was going to happen a really horrible nurse got on at me saying mum wouldn't eat and "was she always this silly" I was fuming, to me she had just had enough she didn't want to live like she had to anymore. as for my friend I can't stand her bloke anyway it's not the first time he's done this too her but it makes me incredibly angry he has got a life other people would give anything for but wants to throw it away to flash his bits about on the internet. id of chucked him out long ago but love is a strange thing eh. hope badvoc that ds is feeling better soon and T you as well I have kept all manner of mums things but they are mostly away in my box because it would really upset me if anyone broke them. I do use her baking stuff though, doesnt make my cakes taste any better though. I hhaven't got mums handbag Linn but my sister has and it's exactly the same as if was a year and a half ago nothing has been taken out apart from the bank card I think. I was wearing one of mums jumpers the other day, I've washed it about a hundred times since last year but my sister still walked into my nans and stopped in her tracks and said woah it smells of mum in here

I feel so angry at her SM and I have no right.
She is dying.
But - and I feel terrible for feeling this way - I feel she is squandering an opportunity that my dad never had. To say all the things you want to say, make memories, tell everyone you love them...I would give anything for 30 more seconds with dad to tell him I loved him.
The awful things is we are all now starting to feel resentful. We have tried so hard to help her, to be there, to do as she asked, but it turns out she has just decided that she is going to go to bed and not get up.
Why on earth would you want someone else to wipe your bottom if you could do it yourself!!?
My cousin is close to a breakdown over it I think.

that makes sense B , you have every right to be and like you it hurts me that people don't tell those around them how much they care because mum never got the chance one day she was chatting fine, the next she was screaming and didn't know who we were then she didn't talk at all. it is very hard that we see people who we think are wasting the chance. perhaps she has given up now and is struggling to find the motivation too but it must be very difficult to see happening x

That's a sad situation badvoc I would think your aunt wants all the attention and that is one way to get it. She is probably scared and having everyone to do things makes life a bit easier for her to cope. But it is unfair for all of you who have been helping her. You would hope that she would want to do as much as she can herself whilst she is able .
If only life were simple eh !

If only.....:(

I had a huge surprise when I went to change mums flowers yesterday, the ones I put there last time we still perfect. I couldn't believe it. Even the tulips which normally don't last that long. SoI will go next weekend and replace them. That's are little daffs just coming out in bud in the little garden bit and some hyacinths. Hope all ok and looking after themselves

Dads flowers have been lasting ages Lin.

Mums flowers have lasted longer than the ones I had at home ! Luckily they are sheltered a bit at the crem because there is a huge tree there. But I really was amazed. S all the new flowers I had bought are now here in a vase by her photo! Strange day here today, bright and sunny then a little downpour and then back to sunshine.

Hi everyone. I haven't posted for ages but things have been really tough for me the last week or so and I thought it might help to post on here.
Basically, I met my brother in law last week at the house my mum, dad, and sister all lived in (sister and BIL moved in with dad after mum died). Its the first time ive been back since my sisters funeral 6 months ago.

The house is full of family possessions and the task ahead is overwhelming. The hardest thing was seeing all my sister's clothes . I can't face dealing with her stuff just now but at least I've made a start on mum and dads. Trawling through photos, cards, letters - beautiful love letters sent from dad to mum when he was away in the Navy - bawling my eyes out. They kept so much.

Then yesterday, my DH's brother turned up with loads more of MIL's stuff!! She has dementia and is in a care home and BIL has been sorting out her house.

Drinking way too much wine in the evenings. I feel like I am drowning under the weight of it all .

Shop...that sounds so hard. I'm so sorry x

shallwe I could not face doing my mums clothes and luckily my aunt ( mums sister ) offered to do it for me. Is there anyone you could ask to do it, maybe a good friend would be willing. It's a horrible job to have to do. It appears that you have more on your plate you can cope with, don't be afraid to ask someone to help you.
You really do seem to need some help and if I lived near I would help you. Just take things slowly unless you have a time limit in which to do things, you must look after yourself and don't over stretch your limits. You can't do it all and the emotional stress is bad enough without having to dothe physical stuff.
If you don't want to throw things away, but some plastic containers to store some stuff in and then when you can face it you can sort sorting at a later date
I have loads of my mums stuff still in containers and until I am ready to deal with it all it can stay where it is. Take care x

Funnily enough mum asked me if Dh wanted any of dads old aftershave etc yesterday...
I took some brut and old spice - for me - silly really, but they are so evocative to me and remind me of dad.

Badvoc - thank you. I understand the whole smell thing. Old Spice would remind me of my dad too and L'Air Du Temps for my mum.

Mummylin - you are so lovely to say you would help me, thank you. I do have lots of lovely friends but I am not good at asking for help but you are right, I really can't do this on my own so I will speak up! I just feel that if I can get all the sorting out done, I can start to move forwards.

I have to deal with mum and dad's ashes in April (Mum and Dad wanted to be 'done' together and we didnt have chance to get something organised before my sister became ill. This will require a plane journey and hopefully a lovely week with family - my aim is for everything to be sorted before we go so that the ashes will be the final thing.

Sorry not to be of much use or support to anyone else at the moment but thinking of everyone who is going through it.

Very soon we all have to face another horrible day, Mother's Day. People are so lucky to have their mums,
Like all of you I would give anything to have my mum here, even if just for one day.for me it will be the third one without her and Im as sad now as I was then. I hate to think of my own children feeling like this one day.

I feel the same way mummylin, the thought I'll die one day and leave my children this bereft absolutely kills me. x

Isn't it awful ssd worrying about it already. If I sit and think about it too much i can get very disturbed by it. I hate the thought that they will be so unhappy. Is your Internet back on now ?

Two little boys knocked down last night about 5 mins from where I live. Thankfully the news about the two brothers who are 4 And 7 are going to be ok. The woman drove off but latest news is that the police have the car and a 45 yr old woman is helpings with enquiries ! How could she just leave them there ? What some wicked people around . Was on tele news last night

glad they are ok mummylinn but what an utter cock to drive off and leave them poor little boys

Hello everyone.

I've been alright recently - had a blip today though. Saw some strange numbers on the calendar and asked my gran about them.

She's marked on the number of weeks since my granddad died :( It's nice because it helps us remember, but it's sad too :( Almost 6 months already...

Hello everyone.

Badvoc... I don't know what to say about your aunt I really feel for your cousin, and for you who has done so much for her. What an awful situation for you all :(

mummylin How awful. So glad to hear the boys are doing ok and that the woman is being questioned but honestly, who could do such a thing? It's appalling :(

lollipop Where does the time go? I'm sure those 6 months feels like the blink of an eye.

shallweshop Sorry to hear you have had so many losses. The prospect of sorting through all those personal belongings must be awful, and I do hope you can ask for some support with it.

My brother and I sorted through our parents' house before Christmas and managed to get it done quite quickly, but it was so hard. Next week, we are going to France for three days to begin sorting through our parents' holiday home, and getting it ready to sell :(

Like many of you, I am finding the Mother's Day advertising and shop displays very upsetting. I found myself standing in front of a card display the other day starting at them all for ages and wondering which one I would choose if I had a mum to send one to. I also told a random shop assistant that this will be my first MD without my mum. Said shop assistant was only young and looked slightly startled, bless her. Sometimes I do just have this urge to tell strangers about my parents. I feel everyone should know how magnificent and wonderful they were, and how much they are missed.

We are interring mum's ashes at the end of this month. I feel impatient for it now- Dad's ashes are in the same spot, and I want them to be 'together' again. I'm thinking of reading a poem. Hope you won't mind me posting it here:

Turns

I know it's impossible, but several times
I've heard her calling a greeting
just as she used to, pitching it up
with her own distinctive spin of enquiry
from the first turn of the stairs, as she arrived home.

Once or twice I've been to check; mostly I haven't.
I know she's dead and I don't believe in ghosts,
nor that the house has been saving up
old echoes as rationed treats and rewards.
It's my brain, that's all, turned whimsically ventriloquist.

I'm still taken in by its craftiness, its know-how.
With its psychotechnological sleight-of-sound, it does
what I can't do: summon up
her loved voice, perfect in pitch, timbre and inflection.
A variety turn – that never fails to give me a turn.

Christopher Reid

I know some of the sentiments don't chime with the spiritual beliefs of everyone who posts here, but I hope it doesn't offend. It certainly captures a lot of what I feel.

Hello everyone! Crazy busy at work. 3 days then I worked at the care home I worked as an admin visited them and helped where I could and had a nice chat with the residents.

Hope your all going along not too bad
God Mother's Day I know the feeling! Hanging right over me! I told my dad I can't go round my dads this year it killed me last year. I'll go to the crem and also have flowers here. I done a small part of the day to my mum last year and the other half to me and the family. I brought my mum flower shaped candles and a cake.
It's going to be so hard this year though. We're have each other xx