Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent (4)

[mummylin2495]

Here is our new home hope it's as comfy as the last one

Biscuits...oh, how thoughtless of her! :(
I am picking up dads Xmas wreath tomorrow.
Went to my aunts this morning and made her breakfast etc.
I think between me, mum and my sister we are going to "do" breakfast for her each day.
I am at the dentist this afternoon :( part of a filling has come away...I'm falling apart!

Oh Badvoc I'll give you a big {squeeze} to hold you together xx

Badvoc - thank you for your reply and I'm sorry you are going through such an awful time. Your experience sounds harrowing and you sound so strong. I have considered counselling but I'm not good at talking. With strangers my game face goes on and I can't get it off. Silly perhaps but I also feel reluctuctant to share special memories with people who don't understand for fear of diluting the importance of the memory. But tbh the above is prob all excuses and I'm just to scared.

Kiki I understand you fear about death. I sometimes struggle to keep the anxiety under control and try and put a rational picture on it. The thought of losing more people terrifys me.

Mummylin thank you for your words they hit home and it sounds familiar. Dh doesn't want me to be over it but wants me to have hope for the future and I just don't feel I have that. I function on a day to day basis getting the practicalilitiea of life done. I feel I am not treating his as well as he deserves when he has been nothing short of of wonderful ever since my mum was diagnosed. I had the luxury of being able to spend nearly every day with my mum in last 6 months and I guess like you it's a huge change to get through. Some of those times are the most precious I will ever have and I miss her so badly as my mum and as a friend and confidante. She was always my champion. I see how she dealt with her illness and she makes me so proud and so ashamed for how I weak I am being in dealing with her death. If she could she would give me a good shake and tell me enough now. I wish I could be more like her. Thank you for letting me just spill, I just find it so hard that the barriers come back so fast.

Can I ask people what kind of things they are doing particularly with children to remember their loved ones at Christmas in a positive way?

Star...I am thinking of getting my dc helium balloons so they can write a message to pop and send it up to heaven

Hi blue star it's so hard with the children isn't it. What we done last year was we had a special Yankee candle and I brought them a little something from her and they made her. Card and we done little craft Activities beads etc which my mum loved. X

Biscuits - unbelievable how some people can be! My god you just wouldn't say it. Some people really don't think. I don't think anyone knows the pain of losing a parent someone until it happens to them.
We're going to the crem next week we will all lay some flowers down xx

Badvoc - I know what you mean about the teeth I swear since my mum I've had nothing but grief. Chipped tooth, filing coming out, wobbly tooth now! Ill be needing dentures soon!
Thinking of you and everyone on the thread x

Oh mario sister I still fall out of clubs!! well walk out of them not as often as I used to though! Lol

I can remember snippets of last year at Christmas but mainly 25th 26th I'm having to look back at pics to see so much was a blur I think a hazy mist of tears on and off and still horrendous disbelief but cracking on too

Anyone else feel this way? X

Hello all. Been out shopping once again. My arms ache from carrying bags of stuff ! Got to go and have a cuppa then will catch up

will add a photo of the photo tree decorations we are putting on our trees. ds thought this was a good idea then his nanna could watch christmas.

Oh what a lovely idea. Will see if I can take a pic of my tree with the lights on.

Too blurred so have taken one without lights . On profile

To all the latest posters, the others know this already, but I found a card previously sent to me from my mum, I have put it up the last two Christmases . It says to my daughter and her husband. It makes me feel like I am still a daughter and brings me a bit of solace , and I still have a card from mum at Christmas !

Lin...I have kept the last wedding anniversary card (it's in may) my parents sent.
My dad always wrote the cards...he had lovely handwriting.
Hopefully seeing 2 friends next week which I'm looking forward to.
I have had my tooth patched up but long term it will need a crown :(
It's ds2s Xmas school play tonight...he is a "townsperson" :) and next week is a Shepard on the church nativity :)
There is a service at our local cathedral on Sunday for people who have lost a loved one this year, think mum and I are going.
Ds1 is full of cold but seems ok in himself.
Roll on end of term!....

It is such an exciting time for children isn't it, al the nativity plays at school etc. we feel such pride when we are watching our child " actors " as soon as they spot that their mum is there you can see the joy on their little faces
Nuisance about your tooth. Wonder how much that will end up costing !
That sounds a lovely service to remember lost ones. Very sad as its the first Xmas for you. What will your mum be doing on Xmas day, coming to you ?

It cost £50 for about 2 mins work! :( just hope it keeps ok til after Xmas.
We got a letter about the service from the funeral director - they included a star to write on which will go on a tree and dads name will be included on a roll of honour.
Mum is going to my sisters for Xmas day and Boxing Day here.
Not sure about new year...we don't really celebrate it.
Will pick up his Xmas wreath tomorrow.
Am just so sad. The nearer Xmas gets the sadder I am getting.
If I could go to sleep and wake up in January I would!

last year we went to a service to remember my mum we lit a candle and they read her name out was nice to do they haven't done it this year so im going to find a local church and go to a carol service!

t875, I was the same last year, I really cant remember much of it, cant remember any of the presents I got the dc's or dh, its all a blur xx

I remember saying that badvoc i would sleep through to new year and avoid Christmas, but somehow through the sadness and the disbelief of last year it wasn't too bad and we did have some laughs playing head banz (great game) and other bits, it really was roller coaster and god knows where that strength come from i think because i gave myself a kick up the back side as i know my mum wouldn't want me or the girls to be sad. But my god it was hard and still having moments on and off this year!

Hope your ds is doing better hun xx

Ds2 seems ok, but now ds1 has a nasty cough!
Sigh.
Picking up dads wreath this morning.
Just feel so tired.
And think I am coming down with something myself!
Gah.

I think any way you can get through it is a suitable way. I don't remember s lot of last year everything was going on around me but I didn't take it in. I remember ds opening his batcave that he was thrilled with and the two boys getting all their Skykander figures to realise they didn't have the new game. they were gutted until dp pulled it out from behind the sofa cushion. I remember giving my grandad the present we found in mums house. it was only some chocolate but he sobbed . don't think he has ever eaten it. and the irony of the last gift mum wrapped for me being a calendar for the hospice she went to for treatment.

Badvoc - love the helium balloons idea, I had thought about Chinese lanterns with message to nanny in heaven but think they may be a little hard to draw on. Oh Nd it doesn't sound lame. Glad your teeth arnt hurti g now. Hope your cold passes quickly. I've have this vital thing for over a week now and just when you think there is an improvement it kicks back in and makes you really tired again. Have a lemsip. My 2 ds have the cough too. Poor things its horrible to listen to them.

T875 did you keep candle in house or light it at any special time?

Mario love the idea of making a tree decoration. Ours goes up tomorrow. So may be weekend before I can get one made.

I think I will find a carol service for us to go to Nd light candles. Dh loves them so its a win all round.

It's ds' preschool carol concert tomorrow. He's only 4. They did one last year and my mum got to come despite being poorly. She was very proud of his singing. Just wish she was here this year as he is so much more confident with it.

Mummylin it is christmas shopping. Your doing? I'm so not organised this year. I have a list but I can seem to move my bum to sort it. The card really touched a nerve I. A good way with me. One of the things I have been struggling with is not being a daughter as such anymore. I still have my dad but relations are tense now mum is gone and I feel I didn't realise how much she did / made up for the poor relationship as this aspect took me by surprise. I will try and find last years card and hope it has her writing on it.

those decorations are from Asda the frame ones. I was initially looking fir a bauble but they were so expensive and v religious not our style. hope everyone is doing okay. poor ds is stuck with me being s grumpy git this morning still full of cold and am skint because of finishing all shopping so not v cheery! what are you all up too x

Urgh.
My throat is so sore and has angry red patches at the back.
Bluergh.

Yesbluestar it's Xmas shopping. I have only just started it because I did t have the heart to do it but realised the day is drawing nearer so have to get a move on and I have so many to buy for. It's been a nightmare getting my gs bloody shoes and some special make up one of my gd,s wanted. They sell it in debenhams but would you believe all that they have of it has been reserved ! I have never in my life heard of make up being in so much demand a d having to be per ordered. Anyway I can't get it. There is lots of it on eBay but not going to risk it as I expect most f it is fake !
I have some of my mums little things on my tree So that is nice, she would be pleased. And I will find a card ican put up she will still be a part of my Xmas.
For those of you facing your first Xmas and dreading it. You will be surprised how you will find the strength to cope. Yes you will feel sad because there is someone missing and think back to last year. That is perfectly normal but you willget through the day.

We have put up Mum's little Christmas tree on a shelf in the hall. It's a 2ft ready dressed one that just plugs in. It looks really nice. Ds is pleased with it anyway. She didn't put a big tree up because she always came to us at Christmas but liked to have a little something to decorate her place.

That's nice jinty I'm sure it brings you a bit of comfort to know you have something of your mums you can use for Xmas. I'm sure she will be with you in your thoughts. I also have a little tree from my mums but I think we actually gave it to her years ago. Like yours it just plugs in and has big bells already on it that light up, maybe I will put it in my kitchen window, I had forgotten about it unti you mentioned yours, you jogged my memory.