Walking together on a journey - sharing experiences, tears, anger and sometimes even laughter. United we stand, divided we fall.

[shabbatheGreek]

This special thread was started in 2008. Its a special place - one which nobody would ever willingly come to. I hope we pay tribute to our lost children by helping each other. xxxx

Morning girls xx

Thanks for the welcome and sorry to have been slow in posting. Not quite sure what to say about DD1. That sounds silly I know. For many, she was just a baby who did not stay long on this earth but she is my daughter. Even though she lived for only 14 hours, I carried her for seven months and got to know her in that time. She is much missed and would be four in Oct along with her surviving twin sister.

I truly find this time of year so hard and it just does not get easier. I am really struggling again this year already. The tears are just there all the time and I feel like I am a blink away. Just the sadness too, it is overwhelming.

Morning girls xx

Thinking about Hazey and all her family on her precious GSons 7th birthday. Hope you are doing OK love - we miss you posting on here. Have been thinking about you all day xxxxxxx Wish he was still here with you - you must miss him terribly xxx

Morning girls xx

Afternoon, ladies xx

Morning girls.....thank God its Friday!!! xx

Morning girls - everybody OK? xx

Hi there Shabs. Had an experience recently which only you all here could understand... I was at a tourist site, and there were some steps there- if you went up and down, with eyes closed, without stumbling, your wish would be granted by the local witch. My first thought would be for a little brother or sister for Finn...as I knew the only real wish I wanted, to have Mia back, can never be granted. Then I rejected it all, knowing that no-one has the power to give us all what we really want, our children. It's all just delusion, despite wanting to believe so badly.

I totally understand what you mean Mias. I search for 'signs' for 'things' that will bring my boys home. Remember seeing a shooting star and wishing and then turning round and going back into my house thinking what a fool I was. Just five more minutes face to face with them. Even if they couldnt speak....just five minutes to say 'Im sorry but I couldn't prevent you both dying.....I love you dearly and will love you for all time and eternity.'

I still believe we will get our children back. Not here and not soon but we will.
When my lovely almost-mother, C was dying, I told her I'd see her again. It was kind of a "See you again" that really was very tactless if I'd stopped to think about what I was saying. But she gave me the most beautiful smile and said "We will see each other, Seven, and we'll all be brighter!" It was the last time I saw her in this world. I know that C didn't cease to exist when her body failed her. We are more than skin, bones and brain. And she came back a year after she died to play a little mischief in her house and let her daughter know she was there!

I have this fantasy that someone comes to me and gives her back and repairs our life. That I get back a two-year-old and that magically, there is evidence that she has always been around, there are records of vaccinations, there are photos of her at three, six, 12 months. But that in doing this, someone whispers to me, "You must never tell anyone, or we'll take her away again"
So I have to keep it a secret. And that this does happen sometimes and people keep it a secret, so that's why no-one knows about it.
I know it's not true but I dream it might be.

Morning girls xx

Me too Seven. I also have a similar dream. I do also believe that I will see my daughter again, I have to hold onto that.

pumpkin. When I feel like it's going to be too long, I look at 17 year old ds1 and think, my goodness, it just seems like yesterday that he a was a baby at my breast.
So the acres of time before me will probably go by like a flash, he'll be an adult, ds4 will be an adult, maybe I'll be a granny. And all that time will go by more quickly than we know.

I met the lovely Mias today! We talked for ages. She is as lovely in real life as she is on MN!

It was wonderful meeting weareseven today. A great lunch with an awesome lady. We toasted our daughters and talked non-stop. Definitely the highlight of my trip away!! Thank you Mia and Sylvie-Rose, for providing us with such friends when we cannot have you - these friendships bring you closer to us.

Morning girls xx

Good afternoon all xx

Hello all. Took Finn to nursery today fur a settling-in session. So many memories of doing it with Mia.

That is tough, Mias. Hard that Mia's not here to be a bossy big sister to him but yet lovely to see Finn reaching his milestones.
How did he get on?

He loved it, seven! He was into everything. The carers were lovely, they all know about Mia, and so I wasn't asked any questions when I added her name to the section on brothers / sisters in Finn's "All about Me" sheet.

The carers will love Finn, of course. He is edible!

Just found out today that one of ds4's nursery carers is very ill with breast cancer. She is such a lovely, motherly woman. She lost her first son to stillbirth and was so kind and understanding to us when Sylvie-Rose died.

Why do bad things always seem to happen to the loveliest people?

Oh, that is so sad, seven. Why? Because, sadly, there is no such thing as karma. Life is all completely random. None of us deserve to lose our children.

Morning girls xx

You are right Mias - life is very random. x

morning, shabba xx