Need hand holding as I sit with my dad who is dying

[kansasmum]

My Dad is end stages of liver cancer. I'm sat with him tonight as the normal
Nurse cover was in an availabl

Kansas, you know you are doing everything in your power to help your Dad, you can do no more than be there for him, his squeezing your hand is testament to him knowing this.

I held my dads hand at the end as well, I ignored the cramp because I wanted the connection with him to go on.
Your mum sounds a bit like mine as well and I believe she came to regret how she had been with me because she clung to my hand the night she died.

You have been in my thoughts all day .God bless you all x

Still in my thoughts - you are doing so brilliantly in this desperately sad situation, not just in accompanying and holding your Dad in a generous and loving way, but also by trying so hard to be patient with and not to retaliate against your Mum, though God knows you would have good reason!

I hope that if I find myself in your situation that I would be able to do what you are doing.

Thank you all for your kind words. It's means so much to know I have so many people offering support.
Today has been stressful. Dad needed the increase in diamorphine but mum found that hard to accept.
Anyway had a bit of time away and saw some friends so RL support too.
Back down there tonight - I know the end is near, it must be he's had nothing to drink for 3-4days now:(
Tbh I am hoping its soon because its so hard watching him slowly decline but at the same time I don't want to lose him

Praying for peace this night too. For you, your dad and all your family.

Thinking about you and your Dad tonight. xxx

Thinking of you. Hope you have a peaceful night xxx

Bloody awful eve so far:( dad has had several terrible coughing fits. So distressing to watch. It's a reflex thing apparently. Felt so helpless watching him struggle. But they gave him stat dose of Hyoscine which has helped. I'm in bed now listening to him breathe normally and he's peaceful again. Hospice nurse here overnight again. She's brilliant.

Sorry to hear about your dad. Cherish these moments. Lost my dad tragically in an accident. Never got to say bye or be by his side in those last few moments.

Bloody awful eve so far:( dad has had several terrible coughing fits. So distressing to watch. It's a reflex thing apparently. Felt so helpless watching him struggle. But they gave him stat dose of Hyoscine which has helped. I'm in bed now listening to him breathe normally and he's peaceful again. Hospice nurse here overnight again. She's brilliant.

No idea why that post has appeared twice.
20122012- so sorry to hear that. Must have been awful not being able to say bye.

Thinking of you.

Waiting on hospice sister coming out. Dad really unsettled and struggling with coughing. So upsetting to watch and listen to.
Mums asleep- tried to wake her but she's sparko! Will try again.

Maybe your mum took a sleeping tablet?

Sorry that your dad is so so ill. I hope the nurse manages to make him peaceful again.

kansas - I've only just found this thread and I've read it all.
You are amazing - and as I sat with my dear dad in his dying days - I felt so proud of that special time we spent together. My dm also said stuff that was fucking annoying mildly irritating.
My parents were very religious, and after my df died I told her (reluctantly expecting tons of criticism) that I had prayed for him to die - and my DM said 'I wish I'd thought of that'
I am thinking of you and your df tonight - and keep doing the normal stuff - it really does help
I'll check in tomorrow x

kansas
hand here and an un mumsnetty hug {{{}}}}

I'm holding your hand too. My mil died last month. Dh with her.

Think mum is just knackered- she would never take a sleeping pill!!!
Nurses have been and given him a stat dose of diamorph and midazolam He's more settled now so hoping the crest of the night will be quiet.
Hope mum goes back to bed soon she's doing my head in:(

I am going to see my Mum & Dad tomorrow....going to try and get Mum organised with Birthday cards etc. Dad wants me to look through his files.....he has everything sorted out - life insurance etc. Its so hard but I am like him and like everything sorted out. I hope you dont mind if I tell him about you and your Dad?

I consider my role in my parents last few months (we dont know time scales) an honour and we talk openly about everything. I hope you have a peaceful night. I know that I dont know you but I am very proud of you for being an amazing daughter xxxxxx

Much love Kansasmum. I did the same as you with my mum many years ago and it still makes me very "happy" that we were with her all the time in her last few days. Hope your dad has had a peaceful night.

Thanks Shabba - that's a lovely thing to say of course I don't mind you telling your Dad.
The drugs worked and dad had a really peaceful night.
I am amazed at the human body- dad has had nothing to drink for 4-5 days and yet in last 12 hours has produced over 600mls of urine!
As a nurse I know that once urine production stops the end is is near. But dad is still peeing!!!

Beautiful day again - wish Dad could see it.
Will go home in a bit and come back later. My house is a tip- dh has been doing bits but I need to clean!

Thinking of you x

Kansasmum as awful as it was I can imagine your situation to be very very difficult and emotionally testing to see someone you love in that situation. MNetters are here for you....with plenty of hugs an hands to hold. Glad to hear your dad had a peaceful night. Stay strong.

OMG! My mum is doing my head in:( she keeps saying the drugs are killing him, she's really rude to the hospice nurses, she has told me twice already today that its far worse for her losing her husband than me losing my Dad, she said' do you think your sister will be coming over today or will be too busy working again?' - it was the tone she used- grrrr! My sister brought my mum shopping yesterday and made lunch and came and saw dad- she finds its VERY hard and scary. Mum is being so horrible- I know she's sad and scared but does she have to be do rude and horrible to everyone. She's all 'me me me'.

Oh Kansasmum, that's so hard. I'm scared that your mum will accuse you of ending your darling dad's life once he's gone.

I have no advice on how to handle her. In my case it was the 'me, me, me' one who died so I didn't have to deal with the opposite situation. Whatever you do won't be right. All you can do is know that you are making the right choices and for the right reasons. Anyone who judges you poorly for that should have no weight given to their opinions. Protect yourself. This is really tough for you. You can see that everyone is struggling. Your mum should too. If she can't or won't then it is not your fault.

Glad your dad is receiving the drugs he needs. These are for you

I'm taking a break this morning- need to do a food shop and housework. Meeting my sister for coffee too.
Nothing like a bit of vigorous housework to help with the anger!!!
Mum has already said its my 'fault' that Dad has a syringe driver because it was me that overruled her and phoned the hospice team cos I could tell dad was in pain.
I will not fall out with her while Dad is here but if she keeps this up afterwards I will be keeping my distance. I am not a human punching bag.