Need hand holding as I sit with my dad who is dying

[kansasmum]

My Dad is end stages of liver cancer. I'm sat with him tonight as the normal
Nurse cover was in an availabl

Ah, Kansas, you're describing my grandmother's behaviour to a T . When my mother had to go and tell her that my uncle (her son) had died, all my grandmother could think about was how devastating it was for her. When my mother said 'what about ? She's just lost her husband!' my grandmother's response was 'I've lost my son! It doesn't compare.'

Come here and rant, and we'll listen and hopefully help you bite your tongue when she does start. I'm sure the hospice nurses have heard it all before, and understand that she's trying to find someone, anyone to blame for what's happening to her husband.

You are giving your dear dad comfort in his last days, and that's something you will find comfort in yourself, in time. and

Kansas - I've just found this thread and wanted to say how wonderful you are being - to your Dad - and your Mum, too - considering her attitude to you!

You are doing a grand job, and I hope that your Dad is comfortable and peaceful atm.

Big Hugs (am I allowed to say that?!)

Sounds as if your mum is yes scared and taking it out on the people closest ...maybe its her way of trying to cope . Have a chat with the hospice nurses if you can - i expect they have seen it before. Its a pity she cannot see that you are suffering as well...Total rubbish about being more important ..Your Dad needs you all.

Hugs Kansas - my Dad has advanced cancer, so know that in the not too distant future I'll be where you are.
Keep strong, try and ignore your scared, angry Mum.

Postbellum- so sorry you're facing this awful time. It's not easy but you will find the strength, it's amazing how you do.

Sat here sobbing. Eldest Dd had accidentally driven into the up and over garage door and its broken. She never said anything - just went out and found it so I'm cross. Youngest dd is being snappy because I'm daring to be upset , no-ones done anything in the house. Mum was on the phone moaning that the Marie curie nurse coming tonight can't start til 11pm. Well sorry mum we are not the only family with a dying relative.
Dh is at a governors meeting and is going to London tomorrow.
I have to go and stay at mums soon and I'm so bloody knackered I don't know which way is up.

Oh Sweetheart. Just that really. ((hug)) .

Just read the thread. You are inspiring. I hope I have your courage and strength when the time comes for my parents to leave us. I have no advice, but I have hugs and prayers and shared tears. You are not alone. Hope tonight is peaceful and calm.

Ps - your dad sounds like a real character.

. That will feel better. Wish I could do something for you really. dds (who appear to be old enough to know better) could and should. At least they should tell you when they have messed up and not leave you to find out by accident. grr on your behalf.
Praying that the night will be peaceful again for you and your mum and dad. At least there will be a Marie Curie nurse from 11.

Still here and handholding. Hope you get some rest tonight.

You too Bugsy. I think we've chatted before on other threads. (I once asked you if you used to post on another forum because I knew someone there with a similar user name)

Thanks for the hugs, kind words and support. I'm calmer now and dd's boyfriend has fixed the garage door. Not the disaster I thought thank god.
Still annoyed but ....

I suppose I should be grateful mum didn't say that 11pm was too late and cancelled the nurse altogether!
God I'd kill for a good nights sleep!
You know that tiredness that newborns give you? When you're like a walking zombie??! That's where I am now!
Right blowing my nose on nice cotton hanky and carrying on!!!

Saw my parents today and told Dad all about your Dad. He asked if I would send my love to you and tell you 'well done'

My Mum listened for a while and then said 'If we win the lottery tonight me and Dad are coming to Crackerfacky with you and your family Shabbs... she meant Faliraki

Dad looked at me and said 'She's barking bloody mad!!'

Hope you all manage some sleep tonight xx

I am thinking of you. My mum died in a hospice and I have nothing but praise for the staff who were amazing. My FIL died on Tuesday morning after 4 months in hospital. I wish they'd gone down the hospice route earlier as I suspect his last weeks and days would have been easier and more peaceful. Very sad. I am sorry u r having such an awful time. Hopefully he (and you) will be at peace soon. (((())))

Shabba- you made me Lol again! Love your mum! Crackerfcky- love it!!!
Fedup- so sorry about your Fil:(
Right off I go to mums - hip flask in my overnight bag!

Sending my love with you in the hip flask Kansasmum. No harm to a friend at your side, of either type.

Glad you will be sported by the Marie Curie nurse tonight. I know you want to spend all the time you can with your dad but you can't stay awake day and night. Try to doze if you can. Being together is enough.

A big handhold for tonight. Goings on at your own house like garage doors can be sorted out by your DH. He knows you've got a lot on. for the hip flask (well, spirits anyway!)

Bad night. Dad now completely unresponsive and breathing much shallower. Don't think it will be long

Thinking of you.

I hope this prayer is a small comfort to you:

O Lord, support us all the day long, until the shadows lengthen and the evening comes, and the busy world lies hushed, and the fever of life is over, and our work is done. Then in thy mercy grant us a safe lodging, and a holy rest, and peace at the last.

Wishing you all peace

Oh Kansas - I hope your dad gets some peace soon.

Thinking of you xx

Sending my love and hoping for your Dad to find peace xxxx

xxxxx

just thoughts for you ....and glad the garage door is fixed..One less thing to think about !

Still there at your side. Hope your dad is peaceful. xxx