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Original poster

Need hand holding as I sit with my dad who is dying

255 replies

kansasmum · 01/06/2013 02:17

My Dad is end stages of liver cancer. I'm sat with him tonight as the normal
Nurse cover was in an availabl

OP posts:
Portofino · 02/06/2013 14:20

Thinking of you too. I hope he stays peaceful and pain free. Xxx

WandaDoff · 02/06/2013 14:21

Wishing you strength & peace to get through this x

Fairydogmother · 02/06/2013 14:26

Love and light to you both x

Wolfiefan · 02/06/2013 19:23

Thinking of you. Glad to hear he has had pain relief.

Original poster
kansasmum · 02/06/2013 19:34

OoH drs have been and my dh has gone to get the meds and then the nurse will set up the syringe driver. Mum is in bits but can't just sit and be with Dad but just letting her get on with it.
I'm staying overnight.
Just realised I've only had a banana and a bit of a chicken sandwich to eat today so dh is bringing me some takeout on the way home.
My poor sister is beside herself:(((
She's gone home for a bit- she can't bear seeing Dad like this. Hmm
The Hospice team are bloody amazing. So patient and caring and supportive.

OP posts:
kohl · 02/06/2013 19:54

Just found your thread kansasmum, I'll be thinking of you and your Dad tonight. You do sound like such a lovely daughter.

Dutchoma · 02/06/2013 21:21

Make sure you have plenty to drink. So glad your dad is comfortable. Hopefully your mum will have a bit of peace too.
Wishing you strength for a peaceful night.

Snog · 02/06/2013 21:31

my dad died 20 days ago from end stage renal failure.
it has been a huge comfort that he died at home, peacefully with his family around him.
my dd like yours has found it very hard.
thinking of you

duchesse · 02/06/2013 21:34

Sorry that you are going through this. My father died very suddenly on May 13th. I can't imagine what you are going through in these strange days.

duchesse · 02/06/2013 21:37

Kansas I just realised you are in Devon so if you need any practical help in the next few days I am near Exeter. PM if you need anything.

Trumpton · 02/06/2013 21:40

Kansas you are bringing so many bittersweet memories to me. I was with my dad at home to the very end but had a difficult sister to deal with. My lovely dad was made comfortable and happy as he left his pain and suffering behind. My thoughts are with you , please know that you will gain such comfort from your actions in the time to come.

friendlymum67 · 02/06/2013 21:59

Just wanted to see how you and your DF were. Reading this has brought back memories of my beloved dads struggle and how brave he was. It is heart breaking to watch them suffer Sad

Thinking of you all x

Wolfiefan · 02/06/2013 22:08

The Hospice team may well be amazing but so are you. Wishing you strength over the coming days.

Homebird8 · 02/06/2013 22:12

It's strange how different people react to situations. The best thing we found was to try to accept that everyone does it differently. I'm thinking of you, your DSis, your DD, your DM, and especially your DF. Well done for remembering to eat. Try to rest your body at some point even if you don't sleep. Tell your DH I'm sending him some extra strength to be with you all through this too. It does sound as if your dad is almost ready to go gently with the help of the hospice team. Have a Brew or a Wine if it helps.

SweetestThing · 02/06/2013 22:14

Being with your dad and holding him on the final stage of his life's journey is a truly lovely thing to do. Thinking of you at this so difficult time.

MandyWatkins · 02/06/2013 22:21

I went through something very similar with my Dad a few weeks ago. (He came to live with me). Every morning I'd hope he'd died during the night - that it would be over for both of us. But he was always there - still alive, yet wanting to die. It was heartbreaking. (We had four visits a day, two carers each time, during the last three weeks).

Then one day I popped into his room, looking for something - he was still there - popped back - he was gone. I hadn't expected him to do it that way.

I talked to him, as did my teenage DC, about all sorts of stuff until the doctor and the undertaker came and we were so happy, despite our tears - it was so strange. I knew I'd done my best for him; and I knew he knew that too. I miss him so much, but I would never want him back, not like he was.

I had a vile family member to contend with too stupid bitch

One day at a time Kansas. Thinking of you.

shabbatheGreek · 02/06/2013 22:22

Have only just seen this thread. My Dad was diagnosed with terminal, un operable oral cancer about 12 weeks ago. In those few weeks his weight has halved. My Mum has Alzheimers that used to be kept under control with her tablets but they are no longer working. They are still living in their home. I try to go to visit as often as possible and my brother and all the grandkids and great grandkids visit as well. We have had about half a dozen dashes to A & E.

I feel so much for you. What you are doing is wonderful to care for your Dad like you are doing is priceless.

My only hope is that my parents have something nice to eat, a few drinks, a kiss and a cuddle in their bed and pass together.

My love and respect to you and a hug for your Dad xxxx

KrazyKurls · 02/06/2013 22:24

Thinking if you Kansas as you start another rough night, DGrandmother passed away at home last year and we nursed her like this. Keep on top if them re the drugs they come out at all hours and frequencies to administer.

Try and save your energies you will need them when the time comes, especially if your mother is being difficult.

It takes a special daughter to nurse a dying parent, huge hugs.

lymeregis · 02/06/2013 22:28

Thinking of you all.

chelsbells · 02/06/2013 22:31

(((( hand holding ))))
Went through this with my MIL in January, now going trough it with my FIL and GrandFather. It's horrible it really is; seeing them in pain is horrific, not only for them but for their loved ones. Take care of yourself and your family, thinking of you all xxx

Also. The teams at the hospices are amazing. We couldn't have made my MIL any happier or more comfortable anywhere else, they made a very difficult time, just that little bit easier knowing someone was there who cared.

Original poster
kansasmum · 02/06/2013 23:57

Thank you all so much.
Mum got really angry at me earlier and I just lost it but the hospice nurses calmed me down and sorted it out and is fine now.
Syringe driver is in situ and dad is very peaceful. I'm lying on the spare bed right next to dad. I'm sure he knows I'm here.
The care assistant from the hospice is staying overnight which is huge relief to me- she's lovely.
I'm do sorry for all of you who have been through similar - it's bloody awful isnt it?
I know the end is near for Dad but I do have a sense of calm tonight.

OP posts:
EarthMotherImNot · 03/06/2013 00:46

{{{hugs}}} hopefully your calm will enfold him too. x

ClaraOswald · 03/06/2013 00:55

I hope for a peaceful night for you all.x

SugarandSpice126 · 03/06/2013 01:46

Thinking of you..I hope the calm remains. X

Maryz · 03/06/2013 01:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.