Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

[mummylin2495]

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

badvoc my mums bank cards went , but I still have all her other little cards , like boots cards and stuff like that, I can't get rid of them , mum has signed them ! The girl at the bank cut my mums cards up in front of me and I sat and sobbed. She did apologise for not thinking. It is horrible having to go through someone's things, it feels like an invasion of privacy.
On a brighter note , the sun is shining and it's lovely and warm here today, hope you all have the sunshine

It does feel like an invasion if privacy doesn't it? I keep thinking what my family would have to get rid if if anything happened to me...lots of books! :)
I am waiting for my friend to arrive.
We are off to see ds1s best friends dads band play at a local marina later.
Wish I could say I was looking forward to it....:(

Youmay find you enjoy it badvoc. It's ok to still find things enjoyable , nice company . Hopefully good music , sunshine, go and have a lovely day, you deserve it after the past few weeks .

:( got a message of orange today with mums phone number saying it is unavailable as a magic number and I should choose another ds is being a right pain and has just called me a cow because I said no to doing something. he's being a right pain lately . went to boot sale this morning got some fab bargains though

Oh dear. I bet that upset you about the phone number.
Sorry about your ds being a pain. Soon will be schooltime so you can get a break. What bargains did you get ? Material !

lol no no material unfortunately. got my nephew a ride on car that plays tunes and lights up for a pound and ds some football trainers brand new for a pound. some construction toy sets to add to his already for 50p he was happy. just going through old school uniform bored witless yep I just wanted to ring her :( just a reminder yo say this number is inactive please delete it. made me sad

That's very sad
But your bargains sound great. Makes you feel good when you get something like that

I got a phone call last week from one of the services mum used, asking if I still want her to be on their list. I was actually ok, I told them mum passed away last year. I didn't cry. That's a small step forward. I arranged everything for my mum, that was just one of the things she used to go to, well get taken to, it was something I was setting up for her. Oh well.

xx

Yes it does show you are now a bit stronger ssd I think it must be such a gradual process that we don't even realise ourselves that we are actually moving on. Of course this does not mean we care any less and our sorrow will still not overwhelm us sometimes well done to you for that small step

Well, that went well! :(
Ds2 is being so naughty ATM. I am really worried about him starting school on Thursday.
He ruined the afternoon and we have come home.
He said the music was too loud, he was too hot, and then he hurt his knee.
Gah.
I am not good to be around ATM.

Well done ssd it is a step forward and really proud of you and I'm sure two special people are too!!

Xx

Ssd...yes, well done!
My friend came today so I have spent today crying a fair bit.

Big hug badvoc (((((()))))) it's such a crap time take the day slowly and do what you want and surround yourself with people you feel comfortable with.

X

Oh, T...I don't want to be with anyone. That's the problem. And ds2s behaviour has really deteriorated since dad died.
Poor ds1 is being treated very badly.
Got to take ds2 to his asthma check tomorrow. Then dentists on weds.
Just don't want to. Everything feels like so much effort ATM.
Am guessing I will get more forms from HMRC to sort this week too. My brain just isn't firing on all cylinders ATM.
I keep thinking today is Saturday!!
How are you T?

Oh I really know what your going through I had so much to do at the same time as my mum passing. I had my eldest who was hitting the hormones big time starting seniors leaving juniors it was massively harrowing and I cried my way through things loads.
I was in absolute shock and couldn't believe it. The councilling and also talking in the generic phone number made it a bit easier also my comfort here and there on the spiritual side that is me. But it still didn't compensate her not with me. I talk to her then and still do now but again it's hard to not get they voice back although I do in my head ( prob sound a nutter now) I'm not psychic but I get gut feelings and can feel my mums presence but this is my belief I know we don't all believe on that way and I respect that.
It gives me a small comfort to know she is with me.

If you want to be on your own be on your own Hun. Can hubby give u a break and have the children for you?
Good luck with the asthma test my eldest had that. Only needs a pump for heavy duty running mainly.

How old are your children badvoc?
It does get a tiny bit easier as time goes on but I still get days where it whacks me in the face.
Have you got a special place where you have anything of your mums a shelf or a special box?
Xx

My dc are 10 and 4. Ds1 is going up to middle school and ds2 is starting reception.
So much change for them in such a short time.
I have a box with the cards I received on dads death. Also a rose from his wreath. I have a tatty old jumper he wore :) and my husband has one of his watches.
I am enquiring about counselling for mum. Maybe I should for myself too?...
I wish I had your spiritual belief. I consider myself a Christian but am struggling ATM. Perhaps I am just a fair weather Christian? I can't pray, am too angry.
It's awful to feel this way.
Corrosive.

Yeah believe me I had the anger and I still do from time to time. No one can tell you how you feel or be with grief go with it. Cry if you need too, shout if you need too. I know how you feel. I still am having to be there a lot for my dad and its so hard to see him go through what he is. Last year he was with us a lot - phone calls even staying over but towards the end of last year he was starting to get more involved with things around my mum not with us.

My dad ended up getting councilling he was adamant but in the end went and it done him good.
If you really have bad times in relation to grief then please phone the generic help line for CRUSE I found them great. But come here anytime. How is hubby being? Talk to him and tell him you need help sharing the load of school etc its a very hard time for you. How are the children about their loss?? Wish I could hug you in person! It's just crap it really is. I don't know for sure obviously about the spiritual side but since my mum we have had some strange coincidental things happen to make me believe she is looking out for us. Also the single feather white fluffy one is a sign for me. I can't even think of the alternative of thinking she is gone somewhere on her own. I hate that feeling 1000 times over so it helps me to think she is around me and with my nan ( her mum) and everyone else!! I watch Colin fry he also helps with that belief but blows my mind too.
But with all this though. Some days it's just not enough and I want her in person xx

Hat is the significance of a white feather? (Sorry if that's a dense question) but I have found 2 recently in the house...one in my ds2s bedroom and one in mine.
No idea how they got there.
I pray that dad is now reunited with his parents and siblings. And that one day I will rejoin him, but I am finding that that is enough to comfort me ATM.

Sorry, not enough to comfort me...

Yeah I really know what you mean badvoc. Some days it just wasnt then as time went in it helped.
Yes the significance of white feathers is a sign from someone passed on Hun. Has it been since your dad?
I know again not easy I really do but I had to also not think about my mum sometimes because it absolutely obliterated me. Felt sick panicky I think that's why I went to councilling. X

Yes, it is since dad died.
I am phoning about counselling for mum tomorrow.

I think it is up to you but it probably was a sign from your dad Badvoc to let you know he is ok and with you. I do believe in the feathers, i also googled all about them when i lost my mum and saw a lot of people had had a lot of experiences with them.

Let us know how you get on with the counselling for your mum, how have you been feeling for the rest of the day?

How is everyone else? Im getting ready to do my new contract tomorrow its getting harder and harder to do temping work, i really want to settle down somewhere but part time is so hard to get permanent.

Biscuits - Give me a PM hun, :)

xx

Hope tomorrow goes well T x

Waterlego it's so hard watching your mum go through

Waterlego it's so hard watching your mum fighting cancer and yet knowing she can't beat it. My mum was given 3 months in November and I'm so thankful she's still here. My mum has started buying Christmas presents already, she always starts early but it's so hard thinking that she might not be here then. I just want to hide under the covers and pretend everything's okay.

Badvoc I think counselling would be good for you as we'll as your mum. It will give you some support. I'm sorry if i'm wrong but it sounds like your siblings are leaving everything for you to sort out and it must be awful for you.

Mummylin thank you for your advice, as always you seem to know what to say. As others have said you're always here for all of us as we all are for each other.

I'm so glad I found this thread as it helps talking to others who have felt this all consuming loss. It doesn't matter how supportive people are in rl if they haven't felt this pain they can't really know how it feels.

Although seeing my mum face death puts everything in perspective, I just don't think I'll be able to forgive my aunt and cousins for how they've treated my mum since her diagnosis. Since she found out she was terminal they've seen her once at DS2's baptism in February. My aunt and two of my cousins live ten minutes away and one cousin live just up the road yet none of them have bothered to visit. My aunt has txt once and didn't even ask how she was. It makes me so angry as over the years my mum has done so much for them. When two of my cousins left home she did more for them than my aunt did and now they can't even pick up a phone.

It really is true that you find out who your friends are at times like this. It makes me so mad that my friends ask about my mum more than my aunt/cousins do and my friends don't even know my mum.

DS1 had a bit of a melt down today. He was breaking his little heart coz he didn't want me and DH to go to the angels. He shouldn't be thinking about that at his age. He should be thinking about building dens and forts. It breaks my heart for him and my other DCs.