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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

972 replies

mummylin2495 · 02/05/2013 10:46

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

OP posts:
Badvoc · 19/08/2013 09:52

I Felt the same waterlego...my heart was pounding and I felt sick.
Wishing you strength and peace today.
Thinking of you and your dear dad x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 19/08/2013 10:19

We are all at your side today waterlego x

OP posts:
supermariossister · 19/08/2013 10:57

thinking of you waterlego x

Badvoc · 19/08/2013 14:28

Thinking of you x

ssd · 19/08/2013 17:46

thinking of you still waterlego, hope today went ok, or as well as it can xxx

Badvoc · 20/08/2013 09:43

Well, I have already shouted at both dc this morning :(
They are off to their grand parents today. I am sure they will be glad to get away from me.
Tomorrow is dads interment.

t875 · 20/08/2013 10:33

Bandvoc - really don't beat yourself up over the children they understand and I'm sure wont remember any of it. It is so very hard to function normally after a substantial loss. I remember getting my eldest through changing of hormones and starting senior school and she took my mums passing very hard. Screaming shouting but also being that age it didn't help her. But we got through. Pick your battles, how old are your children??
So very hard. Take the break Hun and relax and as I've said to others when things get really too much for you CRUSE bereavement generic help line were great to talk too too and spill it all out.
I feel for you so much. Lots of love Hun were here for you xx

t875 · 20/08/2013 10:35

Thinking of you waterlego xx

I am beyond gutted my contract has finished. Immensely jealous the new girl is in my place! But i alaays knew ill be covering till she was full time! Got phone numbers etc and they said were go out but I'm absolutely gutted! I loved that job!! X

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 20/08/2013 12:59

Hello all, waterlego hope everything went as well as it could and you were able to do your tribute.
T875 it's a real shame about your job. Especially when you enjoyed it so much, but you never know sometimes other doors open. Someone may leave and they will offer you the job in the future
badvoc hope you too are doing ok and hope your mum is coping as well, it's a terrible change in her life isn't it.
ssd biscuits snowflakes and everyone else. You are all in my thoughts and hope you are doing ok too

OP posts:
Badvoc · 20/08/2013 14:01

Thinking of you waterlego x
T875 I'm so sorry about your job. Who knows?...they next one might be even better.
Mummylin...how are you?
Just been to the funeral director with mum to order dads headstone. Also been banking the donation money fir the air Ambulance in dads memory.
Dad is being interred tomorrow at 10am. Prayers/vibes appreciated x

waterlego6064 · 20/08/2013 21:26

Badvoc Will be thinking of you tomorrow for the interment. Are there lots of people coming or is it just for family?

t875 So sorry about the job; you sound so sad to have left it. Have you another job to go to or will you be out of work now?

Thank you all so much for your well-wishes for yesterday; it was an amazing day. We had about 150 people to the ceremony- only enough seats for about half the congregation! The whole thing was just surreal and overwhelming really. We had a humanist celebrant who gave a wonderful tribute to dad, and the music we'd chosen was just right. Strange though it sounds, dad's coffin looked beautiful. It was a wicker one with a simple wooden plaque on top bearing his name. My aunt had made a beautiful flower arrangement- very natural with lots of wild flowers and foliage- she had gathered a lot of them at the weekend from the South Downs in the pouring rain!

I was able to give my tribute to dad, and amazed myself by saying my words clearly and calmly. Afterwards, so many people said it had been the 'nicest' funeral service they had ever been to, and, to shamelessly blow my own trumpet, I lost count of the number of people who spoke of their admiration for the tribute I had given to dad. I am immensely proud of myself for being able to do it. That was the last thing I can ever do for him, and I'm glad I did it well.

Am exhausted now and wracked with grief. So onward we go, in our new lives. Lives without the wonderful Jim we love and miss so much.

Badvoc · 20/08/2013 21:33

Oh waterlego. It sounds like a wonderful tribute to a wondeful man. I am sure your dad is very very proud of you. I know what you mean..it was so important to me to read the poem at dads funeral. Like you say...the last thing we could do for them x
I feel very odd about tomorrow. It's the final goodbye I guess. It's just me, mum, my sister, sil and my dh. My brother doesn't want to come and my bil is abroad,
As you say....life goes on....but is never as carefree again.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 20/08/2013 21:51

badvoc I will send you good vibes for tomorrow. It is upsetting but it is soon over.will be thinking of you
waterlego bloody well done for getting through your tribute. I, sure your dad would be so proud of you for doing that. The flowers your aunt did sound really lovely. I have found every humanist funeral I have been to are lovely personal services. I am glad it all went so well .

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supermariossister · 20/08/2013 21:59

day sounds beautiful and like it went as well as possible. it sounds very well thought out.

hope tomorrow and the intem go okay for you all.

am just going through mums memory box, my first birthday without her tomorrow. ill slap on a happy face but im so sad tonight

waterlego6064 · 20/08/2013 22:24

Thinking of you supermario. There are so many little milestones to get through in our journeys of grief. I'm only just starting mine but I see those of you who are further down the road; and how many difficult days are to come. Sending birthday wishes for you.

Badvoc Holding your hand for tomorrow.

Badvoc · 21/08/2013 07:40

Happy b day super mario x

2Old2BeABluePeterPresenter · 21/08/2013 08:47

Hi, I've just been posting on a thread in chat about what you remember about your Dad and I'm in tears. I list my Dad in 2008 and still miss him desperately. I don't know what I expect but surely it should be getting easier by now? He was an exceptional man, don't get me wrong he had his faults but I gerek so terrible still. :(

2Old2BeABluePeterPresenter · 21/08/2013 08:48

Sorry about typos.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 21/08/2013 09:24

Wishing supermario a very happy birthday. You will be fine. Enjoy the day.
badvoc we are all with you today.

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supermariossister · 21/08/2013 09:25

thanks for the birthday wishes folks, I'm ok , tired since I let the dog sleep upstairs and she wriggled and kicked me all night. horror she is. how are you all

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 21/08/2013 12:38

Hello 2old I don't think it ever goes away. But they say that the grief lessens with time, the time for me hasn't come yet and I'm sorry you are still feeling it so badly after 5 yrs. I think bereavement is just terrible and so painfulq

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waterlego6064 · 21/08/2013 12:42

2Old So sorry for your loss. My bereavement is so very recent so I have no idea what to expect in terms of things getting 'easier', but I'm sure some of the fantastic ladies here will have a better idea than me. Just sending you love and hugs.

supermario Glad you're feeling ok so far (apart from your naughty dog!) Are you doing anything to mark your birthday?

t875 · 21/08/2013 14:37

2 old. I lost my mum last year suddenly to a stroke tool her in her sleep.
I miss my mum like crazy but I think what has helped me a bit is my spiritual belief of her being around me and looking out for plus I feel a great warmth energy when she's around I just know. I get gut feelings myself anyway and I am spiritual before my mum passed. I take her with me. I have a shelf with all special things and i add to it if we do something. But I think the signs and messages we've had at certain special times really leads me to believe she hasn't gone. But on the flip side I also would love her here with me.

I also had 4 sessions with cruse bereavement where they were great. I talked through in relation with grief and my word it was huge at that stage at the beginning and was in such shock, panic, anxiety, really bad.
But they also help you to move on with your life but keeping your loved one with you.

Is there anything you can do that meant a lot you and your dad or take take yourself somewhere where he liked you to go to or get a plant or flowers.

As hard it is for me as I still miss my mum loads but its crap and i hate it but i have to carry on keep her tucked in my heart. But some days it polverises me
Lots of love to you were here anytime for you xx

Supermario - happy birthday Hun Thanks
Hope you can enjoy it thes best you can I know it's not easy xx

t875 · 21/08/2013 15:21

Thinking of you badvoc xx

Waterlego - well done for getting through the service and what you said. I can't believe also I read a poem for my mum and was strong god knows where that strength comes from!! I was the same it was horrendously sad but also ai saw what we done and my dads speech a celebration of her life and I'm sure she liked it up there. Xx

Badvoc · 21/08/2013 18:44

Thank you everyone x
Another hard day. Dad is now "home" and interred at the cemetery. You can se it from mums back window upstairs so he is close by. God, I miss him.
2old....my Loss is still so recent I have no Words of wisdom for you, but talking on this thread really helps. And people have been very kind irl.
I would recommend the book "you'll get over it:the rage if bereavement" by Virginia ironside.
I found it very helpful and insightful.