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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

972 replies

mummylin2495 · 02/05/2013 10:46

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

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Original poster
mummylin2495 · 16/08/2013 23:09

Get a number badge and cover the 21 up fir the day,you will be fine even though sad.

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t875 · 17/08/2013 13:53

Yeah went ok mate thanks. Tough at times but went well!! I'm partied out though got to do it all again today! It hasn't been easy but I've pushed through. I'm sure she was with me she loved a party!!

Will b back later to read back xx
Love to you all. Hold your not feeling too bad

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 17/08/2013 13:56

So glad to see it went better than you anticipated. And hope it goes just as well today you have become a party animal this weekend !

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t875 · 17/08/2013 14:11

I know mummy Lin! I've had to find some serious strength and I think I know where from Smile in hind sight I wish I'd done a hall. Last nights party was only meant to b a small get together to give my gifts! Lol.
How's your weekend Hun?? X

Badvoc · 17/08/2013 15:02

Sorted out some more paperwork today for mum.
Then I had to go through dads wallet and cut all his cards up.
So bloody difficult.
Found the tickets for the holiday they should have been on now....amazing how someone's life is just bits of paper at the end.
Feel very low today.
Mum and my sis are coming fro lunch tomorrow. Ds1 being a pain - moaning about everything. Typical 10 year old I guess!

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 17/08/2013 15:26

Yes it's sad to see what is left after someone has left us, just things really isn't it. It's all so upsetting. It's very early days for you badvoc so it's understandable you are going to feel low although no doubt you ar putting on a show in front of your mum , but inside you are sad .we all do that I think.
Nice for you have your mum over tomorrow,that will make her feel better for a while
T875 was supposed to be going to BQ at my sons and another one tomorrow at my brothers my ds has cancelled till next week. Not sure what my brother will do it's absolutely tipping it down so unless There is a dramatic change in the morning I think he will cancel it too my ds rearranged for next Sunday. I bet brother does the same so can't so both. We will see. Going to take flowers to crem in the morning wether its raining or not!

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ssd · 17/08/2013 23:40

mummylin I envy you your close family, although I'm pleased you have it.... does it help a bit knowing you aren't alone? although I know you are grieving for your mum much more than the others, do you feel support from them? they sound lovely x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 18/08/2013 01:30

Yes ssd they do . We are all very close, but we had had our fall puts over the years of course , we aren't perfect, but yes they are all ove.y and I'm glad they are my brothers ! My sister I don't see often because she dosent live here, but that should be changing in the next few months, she is not so fa,ily orientated.but if my other sister was alive she would be as close as the rest of us .

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t875 · 18/08/2013 11:50

Mummylin did you get to your Barbie!? Couldn't believe that weather yesterday!! Gale force winds still we defied the elements and were out in the garden! Blown around!!
Badhavoc - god I remember them days so very hard and all I could say for me was its shit it really is. My mum was 65 6 months before! We were getting ready for Easter too! Spoke about Easter eggs to her fish and chips! Just crap and incredibly unfair!

We are here for you to talk to anytime. Hugs to you. Surround yourself with people you are comfortable with.

Thinking of you all. X
Weird thing yesterday after everyone left there was a shiny 5 pence piece by the front door just 1 coin on its own!

It wasnt there atall we hoovered the hall and the hall was clear and it wasnt there even when ppl left. Very strange.
Had a love heart rose petal on the decking! It's all been very over whelming and exhausting! But enjoyable too how I'm sure she would have liked it for me x

t875 · 18/08/2013 11:51

Ssd I do know what you mean about family nothing shocks me anymore. People really can be selfish and my eyes have been opened when it comes to friends! Couple of them I've been very shocked and saddened x

waterlego6064 · 18/08/2013 12:28

Me too t875. I have a friend who I thought was a very dear friend, we've known each other since we were teenagers.
I have texted him a few times recently; told him my dad had died (he knew my parents really well when we were younger) but he hasn't called. I feel let down by that.

And several of my in-laws have not actually mentioned my loss; I think because they are worried about making me cry. I just find it really hurtful that they've not acknowledged it, but everyone's different I guess.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 18/08/2013 12:37

Waterlego, this is why I don't speak to my ne t door neighbour on one side anymore. He had known my mum for years and he didnt even mention it to me.
T875 ds cancelled, but my brothers is still on for this afternoon. Going to crem first though to renew the flowers. Glad you enjoyed your weekend after all

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Badvoc · 18/08/2013 14:31

Well...dh is being a twat and the dc are being little sods. Dh is supposed to be watching them. Sigh.
So I have come to bed.
Might hide here All afternoon.
Not heard anything from my brother but that's not unusual.
God, I hate this.
I hate it.

crazykat · 18/08/2013 15:21

churchstretton I'm sorry for you're loss. Sometimes it's harder when it's a long illness. My mum had terminal cancer, though she's outlived expectations, when we found out it was like I'd already lost her. I was grieving, and still am, for the years she should have with me and my DCs.

I hate talking about it in real life. I've lost count of the times someone has said 'at least she met your DCs' or 'at least the two youngest wont remember her so won't be too sad'. That nearly killed me as I don't want them to forget her. I've never felt like punching someone so much even though they were trying to help, I just wanted to scream.

badvoc my DCs are being little horrors lately, especially 4yo DS1. I think it's boredom of being stuck at home most days due to the weather. They'll be back at school soon.

Hi to everyone, hope today's a good one and not too trying.

waterlego6064 · 18/08/2013 15:21

Oh Badvoc :( Hide in bed all afternoon if that helps at all. You are well within your rights to do so!

I hate this too. Feel so restless and on edge all the time an don't know what to do with myself. Am at mum's now for the next few days which just feels difficult. She wants me here to help her but she finds the noise and energy of the DCs a bit much. I just want a normal life again but it's not going to happen any time soon.

t875 · 18/08/2013 15:51

Oh I've been well shocked at some ppl family too. I will know 100 percent I won't bother with them! It's been very hard I not only lost my mum but some ppl who I thought meant something when actually they don't. I now know who my soul mates are and who are just fair weather!

Oh badhavoc I feel what you are going through. Bless you! It isn't easy, maybe get the kids on the gadgets and you have a rest or can dj take them out anywhere!? Good luck being at your mums I can imagine that's going to be very hard x

Badvoc · 18/08/2013 16:29

Waterlego....thinking of you and will be tomorrow at 3pm too x

Badvoc · 18/08/2013 16:34

My Dhs aunt (his only aunt) didn't even send a card. It's very hurtful isn't it?
I have to sort out flowers tomorrow for weds and phone the funeral directors to ask about what's happening. Mum and my sis arranged it but no one seems to know what's actually going to happen? Is its just prayers?
I have also realised I have a go appt on weds @11.30...I need more meds.
Would it be weird to go after the internment of dads ashes?

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 18/08/2013 19:52

Hello all, badvoc at mums Internment, the vicar just said a little prayer. Then commended the ashes. Was all over in about 15 mins, don't know if it's the same everywhere.
Hope that everyone has had a reasonable weekend in spite of feeling so sad, I think when we are feeling so low. We find every little thing irritating .nothing seems to matter anymore and nothing is as important as our grief. So petty squabbles between kids is just another irritant, when you can do without it if things were normal it probably wouldn't bother us. It does hurt when people don't even acknowledge your bereavement.

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Badvoc · 18/08/2013 20:38

THanks mummylin.
The poor dc. I have been a rubbish mummy this summer :(

waterlego6064 · 18/08/2013 20:42

nothing is as important as our grief

You've absolutely hit the nail on the head there mummylin!

Badvoc I'm sure that your children, like mine, will be resilient enough to withstand our moods and sadness. They know they are loved. But I totally identify with how you're feeling. x

Badvoc · 18/08/2013 20:43

I have been thinking of you today waterlego...I felt so on edge the day before dads funeral. I hope you get some rest tonight x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 18/08/2013 20:51

waterlego will be thinking of you tomorrow, I hope you manage to read your tribute out for your dad. Will be sorrowful day for you. Take care

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t875 · 18/08/2013 21:16

Will be thinking of you waterlego very hard day horrendous but some how and god knows but I found some strength and even read a poem I made up! We're there with you xx

waterlego6064 · 19/08/2013 08:28

Thank you so much; your support is so kind.
I feel like my heart is in my mouth this morning...am scared. But the sun is shining for him and I'm glad of that.