Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

[mummylin2495]

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

id love a tattoo for mum, I'm terrified of pain though. I mean I literally suck at dealing with pain

I found it painful as I did with my others. But I was so happy when I had had it done. It took me ten years till I got round to having mys sisters name. But only 16 months until I got mum. Some people say in it didnt hurt at all, but I would disagree with that.

If I has to wait two weeks for an apt. I probably wouldn't go but as they could do it the next day. It was fine.2 of mine they did the same day or I would of chickened put of those too ! But I'm happy with what I've got

Waterlego...I will be thinking of you on Monday x

Thanks everyone.

Yeah the eve of me turning 40! Building up some excitement. Still really hard but I know she's with me I feel her round me. Still can't believe it though how she can't be here.
Today was the last day I am in the hot seat at work. New girl started officially today. I am gutted and I am no way going to do any contract that is 4 days for weeks on end as I settle in too much :( it's been so sad for me. But I will be going back to help I've been working in a care home. And I have taken that home to my heart. I have a volunteer pack.

I hope everyone is going along best they can.
Mummylin I really can understand why you are feeling like you do! I'd def feel the same. How are you feeling about it today?? X

I wish I din't need to ask, for obvious reasons - but can I join in - lost my Mum unexpectedly under 6 weeks ago :(

feels like a life time & yesterday all at the same time - we'd had an awful relationship for years, she often went without speaking to me for long stretches without any real reason, she had health problems that made her insecure & controlling in later years & I was never her favourite & generally a very dysfunctional immediate family so i suppose I feel I've already been grieving for her a long time - we used to be so close, but she resented me leaving home & I suppose that grew as she got older

she was taken seriously ill, we were called to her bedside & told she had hours to live, killer infection- but she defied the odds, fought back through hell & actually got better - for a short time I had my real mum back, she knew I had been there for her, knew all I & DD had done, she was really her old self again, she even apologised for the things she had done & the way she had been, told me I was always the one that understiid her best & knew what she needed, loved me etc etc - I looked forward to a fresh start with her & my family, for DD too - she was so lovely to DD & I'm so glad DD saw that side of her again - we'd witnessed some awful things that few weeks, I'd cradled my Mums head as she screamed in pain & the staff did little to try & help - the same night I cradled my DDs head as she too cried in pain with her own health problems, that are related to my Mums - that was about as hard as it gets :(

I left my Mums side for a day & a half as DD had an important medical appointment - Mums doctors & staff instead she was really getting better & to go - that same night they told me over the phone she was still on the mend, even though something instinctively had me really worried for her - they insisted otherwise - she died the next morning of another hospital acquired infection -

I felt robbed of the promises, but have coped strangely well, lots of things have happened to let us know shes still around, she even turned the radio on & played a song with such meaningful lyrics, that same moment my brother had what he thought was a cold call, music playing in the back ground, no-one spoke - the call didn't register with 1471 - later found himself humming the tune - the self same tune I had heard with a very clear message - one of many, so she's still around & I take comfort in that but right now I'm really struggling as my Dad isnt coping & is getting volitile & difficult & having asked me to sort out laying my mums ashes properly to rest in her chosen place, hes suddenly changed his mind & insisting on doing it his way, which I'm finding really really hard to deal with, sobbed for 2 days now, feel him & my brother are letting her down badly, but nothing i can do about it at all :(

Oh rockinbobin {{{}}} so very sorry to hear this and for your loss. We know what you are going through.

Sorry to hear your dad is being awkward with you. Could you let him know your feelings or you possibly compromise how things go? How very hard for you. in the mean time if you havent already maybe you make a small flower garden for your mum in your garden or plant a rose or a favourite flower she liked. And DD put little decorations there from time to time, or maybe plant a little plant. How is your DD doing? It is very hard isnt it, my youngest was better than my oldest, but oldest had raging hormones to cope with also so this didnt help, she knew she could speak to me but she generally kept her feelings to herself where youngest would speak more. They have both been ok, moments, but they do little special things eldest does knitting and things she done with nanny.

Funny you saying about songs on the radio i was at work and im a temp, ive loved being at my job but im finishing as they have taken on someone else full time i was very sad and down about it and 'moving on' come on the radio by abba..i have never heard that song and the first time in 5 weeks my radio had tuned in to a different radio station.
I also like to believe she is around me/us and leaving us messages and 'coincidences' and i take comfort from this, miss her like mad though not having her around.

Come and chat with us here anytime. Hope you can get things smoother with your dad and your DD will be well xx

sorry meant rockin hippy :-D

Thank you t875 :)

sadly, no I doubt my Dad will come round, I know he's doing it out of his own grief & just wants everything over & done with & out of his face as he cant deal with reminders, I think having another leg of burying mum to go, no matter how low key is panicking him & he wants it over, but it doesn't work that way does it - so hes now said he's taking mums ashes & burying him himself, alone on my nanas grave, no memorial plaque, stone or anything for her, not what we all agreed to when he asked us if we would be okay with mum being cremated in the town where they lived, instead of moved across country & buried as were her wishes, compromise was that her ashes would be interred in the family plot instead of her body :( I'm not even sure if its legal, but my DB, DF & Mums sister are aethiests, so they just dont see the importance at all - my Mum was very religious, so I know it would break her heart, so I'm suddenly finding it all very difficult to deal with.

DD seems to be coping okay, though I think perhaps she needs to talk more than she is - I love your idea of something in the garden, not much of a garden her, but I'm sure we can do something - funny, I built a rockery for my Mum when my Nana died :)

& yes its funny the messages we get from them, I m a firm believer - both my brother & I got "Little Talk" - when I checked the lyrics properly it blew me away :) - even my aethiest DB was convinced it was Mum as his phone 1471 log showed the last call to be from me 2 days earlier, the call playing him the same tune didnt register - he also had facebook friends requests from her & skype too - sent after she died & she wasnt even on either of them - lots more too :)

Sorry you have joined us rockinhippie I actually read your post on another thread. It seems you are in a very difficult position. All I can say is at least you are not tied by time regarding the ashes. My brother in law only had his wife's ashes interred this year after keeping them all that time. Give your dad time to think it over and maybe he will change his mind about what he wants . I am sorry for your loss.
t875 trying not to think about it too much. It was that awful story started e thinking of it again. Sorry you have had to leave your job, but it does give you a bit of time to enjoy the sun which we are going to get next week ! It is now gone midnight so Happy 40th. t875 hope it's the best day for you 🎂 that's a cake with candles !!!

... just passing through to say hi to mummylin who lost her mum around the same time as I did ...

Hello thefarside how are you doing now ? It dosent seem possible does it that all this time has now passed. I don't know about you but I am still very very sad about it. Lovely to see you pop on

Rockin...I have had that too...3 times I have got into the car and the radio has come in playing dads fave songs (not songs you hear very often)
Strangely conforting.
I am sorry for your loss and for your fathers attitude...I always say that weddings and funerals bring out the worst in people.
It will be 3 weeks tomorrow that my dad died.
So hard to believe.

wow, meaningful songs on the radio, have read about this before, its very comforting...happy birthday t875!!

rushing to work will be back later xx

Happy birthday t875. Hope you feel your mum's presence with you today. x

Hello Rockin, sorry you find yourself here, and I'm very sorry for your loss.

I am struggling today. Have just lost my temper with the DCs and bellowed at them, making my lovely little DS cry. So then I bawled my eyes out for a while, OH came and cuddled me while I wailed 'I want my dad'. It's so painful, isn't it?

Hugs to you all.

Thanks guys and water Lego here is another big ol hug for you. It is very hard and I've wailed I want my mum today so I know what you mean.

I'm trying guys and I'm sharing the cakes I kindly gave me with you all. Lots of love guys xx hugs if needed!
I had a white feather on the lawn today at the bank and haven't had one for ages so that was comforting xx

happy birthday t! hope you have as good a day as possible. I'm sure she will be watching xxx

Thanks superstar xx I meant to say the cake mummy Lin gave me so a piece for you all. Cheers everyone! xx

Blooming phone! Super Mario I meant x

My Mother had dementia for the last few years of her life so I feel that I lost her twice. The Mother I had known for early 50 years and this old lady I used to visit in the Home were both my Mother yet they were so different.

By the end she was ready to go emotionally and physically.

Hope the day is going ok for you t875 your mum will be there somewhere, if you are thinking of her, then she is here.
Hope everyone else is doing ok today too badvoc last day for your aunt ! churchstretton it must of been horrible to in a way go through a double bereavement but with the same person . It's a terrible illness for anyone to have to suffer

Happy birthday t875!
Yes mummylin...thank goodness! But mum will miss her.
CS...so sorry. They call dementia the long goodbye don't they? :(

Hey all how are you? Sorry to see new people are joining and people are struggling. little things can totally tip you over the edge cant they. I feel crap tonight, been tearful and snappy dont know if its because im dreading my birthday without mum and people keep talking about it or whether its just a naff few days. whos got the wine? :) ill bring chocolate. oh and ice pops ive got lots of them

Wen is your birthday Mario ? Your mum will be there same as t875, s is today. If you have an old card from her from a previous birthday. Stick it up with the other cards. I have done this on my birthday and also at Xmas time. It made me feel good to have a card saying " to my daughter "

I have a card but its got a giant 21 on haha which i am no longer but may still put up! is on wednesday, would rather pull the duvet over my head and ignore it to be honest, god i miss her so much :(