Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

[mummylin2495]

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

Don't not have your party. It's not what your mum would want you to do I'm sure and anyway you won't get the chance to celebrate 40 any more ! I'm sure in spite of your misgivings that you will enjoy being amongst your family and friends. Go for it !

If I lived near you I would be a gatecrasher

Hello everyone.
God, that was hard.
But it really helped knowing you were all thinking about me. Thank you x
Just got back in from the wake. One or two people are still there but the dc were tired and hot so we came home.
Church was packed.
As was the crem.
I just wept and wept at the crem...the music I chose was just so him that it reduced us all to wrecks!
I managed to read the poem and I am glad of that and dh did a lovely job with the eulogy.
I avoided my aunt like the plague and so no issues there. Saw some cousins I haven't seen in years which was nice. Just such a sad occasion.
I am glad I wore what I wore...it felt comfy (Except the shoes)
The service was lovely. I do hope it was what he would have wanted.
Thanks again.
X

Well done Badvoc. Be gentle with yourself now. Get some peace and quiet if you can, I imagine the funeral was overwhelming. What poem did you read?

I read "remember" by Christina Rosetti.
Dad loved it and I think the sentiments are what he would want to say.
Just feel an overwhelming tiredness now.
Might have a bath.

t785 here is the story hope link works
here

glad its over for you badvoc its a trying and testing time isn't it. you did extremely well to be able to read the poem, your dad would of been very proud of you. Was your mum ok ?

Yes i think so. Distraught obv but ok.
In fact she was conforming me at the crem.
Just feel like I have run a marathon am so tired.
Dh off tomorrow so can have a lie in - hopefully.

It's always a very difficult time for everyone isnti it. One of the most traumatic times anyone can go through I think. Heartbreaking and it's happening every minute to someone else and you feel so sorry for them because we now know the sorrow of it all.
I am glad that this day has gone for you, have a nice rest tonight.how is your DS today, I gather he must of improved overnight ?

He is still a bit snotty but temp seems ok, thank you.
I guess that's it...I was chatting to my cousin and we both said when you are bereaved you join this club and no one wants to join and once you do nothing you do or see is ever the same again.
And that's hard to deals with.
I almost pity those who haven't been bereaved yet.
Because I know what they will go through and would spare them that if I could.

I understand exactly what you mean, and yes you are right nothing will ever be the same again. They do say that one day all the links. In the family chain join up to make a full circle again. I hope that's true. You wonder how all around everything still looks the same, why are people out shopping when we have lost someone. It's a very strange thing, you think the whole world should know this.
At east we are lucky and do have families some people have no-one else in the world, it must be terrible for them. And we have others to chat to about it. We are luckier than we think really

Yes. I was in the limo today waiting to go into church and people were shopping. Shopping! On the day of my dads funeral! I was properly shocked and annoyed. Didn't they know!? Didn't they understand!?
I truly hope dad has been reunited with his parents, his brothers and his friends.
I hope that one day I will be reunited with him.
But ATM I am finding that hard to believe.

You are right, of course mummylin.
There was a Heartbreaking post the other day from a bereaved person who was completely alone - did you see it?
I didn't post as I simply couldn't think of a single confronting thing to say...older people who are bereaved and have no children..how do they cope?
As much as my aunt drives me insane, at least she is there

I don't know what they do without anyone at all, it's enough to drive you batty just thinking about it. Oh here comes my brother, we are all going out for dinner as we do every week. It's his turn to pay !

Glad I came across this thread, really struggling today, mums been dead year and half don't seem to be moving on at all...

Have a lovely time mummylin x
Bhbe...I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I knew what to say. I think that for me it's going to get really tough once the dc are back at school. All that time when up to now I have have had none.
Would you like to tell us about her?

I haven't gone yet ! brownhair sorry you have this thread, but you are very welcome here. I am the same as you, it's 21 months for me and I seem to be stuck in a groove. It's very difficult, but we are all at different stages here, but with one thing in common, we are all grieving and understand each other. It's even good to have a rant so feel free. Off out now but will be back later

Love for you to come mummylin so many here would love to meet!!

My crazy life ATM hopefully will b calming down once this job finishes. I'm training the new admin tomorrow! Wish me luck! I want it to be my job! Ho Hum!!

Omg mummylin I can't believe what I read. That's bleeping terrible!!! I wood be royaly kicking off if that was my mum. Is this hospital in relation to you there?
Hope you enjoyed your meal out where did u go?

I had a great catch up with my best friend tonight chilled.

Bad havoc - what a day for you. Take it easy on yourself hope little one gets better last thing u need on top of what you are going through. Your poor mum I know what your going through I've seen my dad through tough times and still am. Here if u ever need a chat.
We are right with you Hun and as mummylin said rant and shout talk as much as you want

Brown hair - here for you too! It's horrendous isn't it. Could you do something that would mean a lot to see you do or somewhere where you would have gone together or light a candle what sort of things did your mum like??
Thinking of you and sending a hug talk to us anytime x

Yes, it's where my mum was ! It's our local hospital, which s why I've now gone backwards a bit by starting to wonder about things.

Love to you all on this thread. I only posted a couple of times a few weeks ago. All the "firsts" are so hard aren't they? My son turning 13 with no visit from Grandad. this year. My Dad's birthday is coming up too the end of this month, it is so hard. It hasn't been 3 months yet and I am actually feeling less motivated, more grumpy and generally feeling like the world can go and **itself - not like me at all!

I am sure it will pass, but it is hard going.

I am so sorry for all the new people joining and for your loss. I have read the thread daily. Just so sad for all of us.

X

glad the funeral is over badvoc, you sound like you did really well, when do the relatives go home? Hope you enjoyed your bath and had a moment to yourself.

brownhair, I'm just the same as you I cant get over things, I seem to drag it around with me all the time

last night I couldn't stand it and I went for a drive to somewhere near where my mum and dad lived and I just had a cry...when I got home ds2 was crying, he thought something had happened to me ...how can you be a parent to your own kids who need you so much when you feel so bereft yourself?

school has gone back here, all the little ones were at the gate with loads of grandparents around, it just hurts so much..my dc's never ever have had a family member except me or dh, pick them up from school and the oldest is 15!! we are just so isolated we have no one. The only one who cared was my mum and she's gone now. Just feel so very alone with it all. Dh is good but doesn't get it. Am waiting for my cruse apt, think it'll do it good to let it out, feel holding it all in isn't doing me any favours.

t875 am glad you have a good natter with your friend, makes all the difference doesn't it...and hope you make your party, although I'm feeling like you at the moment so understand your reluctance.

mummylin, that link was just heart breaking, can understand why its churning you up inside

sorry if I've missed anyone, but thinking of everyone here xxx

Oh ssd :( I do understand. My dad would often pick up ds1 for me from school as it coincided with him getting home from work and he and mum only live round the corner from school whereas I live the other side of town.
Ds1 loved it. He was always a bit miffed if I was picking him up!
I am now worrying that I took him for granted and that he did too much for us all...
It's ds2s b day next month. And I just cannot summon up any enthusiasm for it. Poor ds2.

allthings glad to see you. Sorry you are finding things difficult, but it's still early days for you and yes you are right. The firsts are awful and full of wistful thoughts.
badvoc hope you managed a quiet evening last night and then managed tp get some decent sleep. Do you have to see your aunt again or can you now avoid her.
ssd I think you have really struggled with your situation and will be pleased for you when you get your next apt. It hasn't helped you by your family being so unsupportive.i am very lucky in that respect. It is so hard to see other people out with their mumswhen I don't have mine and I know it's the same for you and probably all of us.
t8758 it's the report in the paper which has suddenly thrust everything back into my mind so strongly. For that poor family they know for sure. They must be devastated. Poor lady must of been terrified. Very sad story.
Have the best day you can everyone, off out now x

Mummylin...she has just been round with my other aunts for coffee.
Not too bad.
Just chatted to the others.
I know she means well, but I am very hurt by her comments. They are all going home tomorrow afternoon.
My brother is back to work tomorrow.
Dads ashes are being buried next weds @ 10am but may have to alter the time as my brother is on a morning shift.

Glad that the visit wasnt too painful for you. It's horrible isn't it when everyone has to return to work and life just goes on again. How are you feeling today ? Am off out soon but will look at thread tonight , take care