Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

[mummylin2495]

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

It's very difficult to try and appear as though you Re happy to be somewhere when clearly you aren't . Probably best for you to be at home then you won't have to listen to anymore rubbish being spouted. At the moment you are not in the best place for someone to tell you that you must get back to normal, what a bloody cheek. Glad you have had something at least, better to eat little things when you feel like it than nothing at all. What time is it tomorrow ? I will be keeping you in my thoughts

It's 10am at the church and then 11.30 at the crem.
Then back to the hotel for the wake.
The relatives will have to leave at just after 5pm the get their flight back.
My aunt is here til Thursday, sadly.

Oh that's a nuisance , the very person you don't want here will be here the longest! Sod's law.i would just keep away from her after tomorrow. You may just want to be on your own anyway.
I found when it was mums funeral , I kep wanting to go to the loo, think it was just nerves. Thought my heart was gonna pop out of my chest. I was a wreck. But being surrounded by family and friends afterwards helped a lot.

I just know what she is like...
She will try and muscle in and try and be in the centre of things tomorrow. And I don't know how I will cope with that tbh.
She has already really upset me yesterday with her stupid comments.
How could my mum sit there and listen to her?
How?

...and now ds2 has a fever....cosmic.

Hopefully your mum will turn a deaf ear to her . She probably isnt listening to a lot of conversations at the moment as she will be busy thinking her own thoughts on what has happened and what s coming tomorrow.
Did you say it was your mums sister. If so your mum will know what she is like and is able to block out what she says, I hope your. Mum will be ok tomorrow, what a strain for her

Oh no, hopefully he will be ok by the morning, children seem to get over things very quickly have you got something to dose him up with ?

HAve given him calpol.
Hoping for the best.
Mum went for dinner with them all so am assuming she feels ok ATM.
I have picked an outfit. Skirt and top.
I guess we need to have a plan if ds2 is poorly tomorrow...ATM I think I would need to ask dh to not come to the crem and look after ds2 at home til later on...sigh. Nightmare.

Well don't panic yet. Wait and see what he is like in the morning. So you decided on skirt after all.do you think you will sleep tonight or will you have problems ? You may sleep,through sheer tension. It will be a very strange day for you. So many different emotional things to cope with, but you will get through it

In case I don't get to chat with you before the funeral , please know that I will be thinking of you. X

Will be thinking of you bad havoc.

Thinking of you all. Very hard for me ATM. My birthday on Friday and its bloody tough not having my mum round for it. Can't believe ill b seeing in 40 without her!!
Still working loads contract finishes next Monday! Looking forward to the break! I've loved where I worked though! Job was hard and challenging at times. ( admin)
I'm seeing in the full timer wed I was always a temp. They don't want me to go which is something.
Really will miss this job. Oh well gotta b strong. :-/

I hope you are going along the best the day takes you.

Hugs xx

Hi [t875] I am sure you are approaching your birthday with very mixed feelings.i know you will be thinking of your mum that day.
Nuisance about our job finishing, but maybe they will offer you more work for the future ? Extra money comes in handy too dosent it. But at least ou can have some time to yourself whilst we have the nicer weather .
Ps got loads of flowers on my two beans !!! I will have enough beans at least for one dinner . So I'm happy !

Thinking of you today Badvoc

am thinking of you today badvoc.

For what its worth your aunt is a copy of my sister. She arranged a family meal the night before mums funeral. I didn't go, its the last thing I could have faced. She also told me I missed a lovely meal!! like I choose not to go as I was being awkward, not that I was crippled by grief. Then she told me afterwards I should get on with my own life. Yes, she sounds just like your aunt! Incredible how some people can be so very insensitive. I think I feel it really bad as she is my sister and a lot older than me and I just expected a tiny bit of support, not the opposite. People can be really so strange. I guess that's what makes the world go round. And don't worry too much about what to wear, I only decided the morning of the funeral what to wear, I just couldn't face it before then. Getting the dc's clothes to wear was always too much for me, standing in Asda at the kids clothes section wanting to crawl under the rails and sob. Whatever you wear you will do your dad proud. And for you and mummylin worrying about the what ifs must be awful. I don't know if you'll be able to, but maybe you could get an apt with the consultant who was in charge of your dad and mummylins mum, maybe hearing from them there was nothing they could have done would help you both. It must be heart breaking to think of this, and I'm so sorry. The awful things we see in the news and read in the papers must make things a thousand times worse. Its terrible.

t875, , you turning 40 and your mum not being here. There are no words, its just very sad. I hope you get through the day, have you anything nice arranged or are you doing anything special? On my 40th I went for lunch with a friend, dh couldn't get the day off and we had/have no family to babysit so it was quite a quiet day. But we're not massive social butterflies, usually just do something with the 4 of us here, just our small family. I hope you get kept on with your job, or maybe be offered something there similar, it does sound like a nice place to work and being busy keeps your mind occupied, that always helps me. At least if you don't your still building up experience which is always a good thing. How is your dad doing since the holiday, hope he's ok too, or as well as he can be.

mummylin, I'm still waiting for my cruse apt, might be a while but its fine, I'll be patient. I know they are very busy, theres lots of us sad folks about!!

hugs and thoughts to us all xx

That's the worry ssd there was no consultant there that day.The male nurse who was looking after my mum told us that on Monday mum would have a stent put in and that she would prob be able to come home on Thursday. She was taken ill on Saturday morning. And died on Sunday morning less than 24 hrs of being in hospital . I feel if mum had had the stent put in on the Saturday then maybe she would still be here. Maybe I'm wrong about that but it haunts me.but they couldn't do it that day because there were only the junior doctors on duty.
The story in our local paper about the poor lady ringing her son for help was from our hospital where my mum was . She was asking them for help and no -one took any notice so she called her son. And 20 mins later she died
I can't fault the staff who were there on duty. They were all very kind to us and mum. But it bothers me when I now keep hearing the worst time to go into a hospital is the weekend because there are hardly any consultants on duty, and that is the same at all hospitals.
I think this situation is going to be reviewed by whoever is in charge of these things. I think it's ludicrous that consultants only usually work Monday to Friday. No-one chooses what day to get ill and it dosent all stop at weekends.
It is a worrying situation for everyone if this is what is happening, it i can't help thinking that if mum has been ill on Monday she might still be here
It is something I will never know for sure now, but the question will always bother me.
The family of the lady who I spoke about are demanding an enquiry. It is a very sad story and her 3 sons must be devastated. I will keep my eye out for any results of their investigations about it .
I may be completely wrong in my thoughts. But it won't stop me thinking them.

Mummylin I've had the same here and my hospital was one if them criticised. :-/ I'm right with ya. It does eat away doesn't it. My mum was also over the weekend. When she got to ICU they left us a good 4 hours and I still have creep up did they do enough to save her what did they do. I have cut the string on it but it still does creep up. It's a tough one isn't it. It's like do u ask to look into notes etc but then find out something could have changed things and it kill you inside forever or do you leave it and take it that they done all they could. It really is a toughy. My gut tells me that they done all they could. Talk to us anytime though its good to talk through these things. They eat us up don't they. X

Thanks ssd really kind of you. Yeah I've got a family party and out with old work mates week after. Gonna b tough. But ill push forward. Ill pm you x

Thinking of you bad havoc massive hug. We're right by your side today. Very hard day x

Meaning my gut tells me they done en

Enough for my mum ( blooming phone) lol
Really pleased about your beans!!!

I think it's quite unusual for our hospital to be criticised so badly, but when it was front page story last week, then it brought t all back and am now left wondering.i have always said that when mum died , my first few days thoughts were that they had killed her, it sounds dramatic but that's how I felt. And yes you are right, if we did read any notes, how would it help now. As I said, the staff were very kind to mum and to us, but we saw no consultant, everything was on hold till Monday, which By then.then was too bloody late. There was the same scenario on the sat afternoon ( the day mum went in ) a man died in similar circs. . One end of ward was women and the other end was for the females
Even the male staff nurse said it was highly unusual to lose two people over such a short period ( 24 hrs )
My brothers don't think the same as me, but they all seem to of now accepted mums death. But I never will. It is still too painful for me at the moment.

Mummylin do you think it will help to talk to CRUSE Hun? I must admit I think they really helped me over the shock of my mum I still think you have got a lot of shock there and I'm with you it doesn't bloody help when we hear this stuff about the hospitals my hospital was also pulled up that more people pass away at the weekend. I toyed so much wether to see her notes and scans of the brain and don't get me wrong I still struggle at times with it and it creeps up again! We're here to listen to you mummylin just like you have been there for us.

No I'm not keen on that at all. I am happy to speak on here about things to you lot. Not for me I'm afraid. I'm sure they do some good work and will help others though . I have a big family and talk about things with them even though they don't think like me
I will be fine. I'm not depressed or anything just sad. And to be honest I don't think anyone can change that . It will just take time. I am still living my life and enjoying doing thigs with my siblings .
It's just this awful sadness and missing her so much . I think about her every day without fail

The hospital thing is awful for so many people. Especially when they know for a fact that their parent died because of bad care. I don't know how they can cope with that. It's an absolute bloody disgrace and heartbreaking for the families of these poor people who have died neeedlessly. I actually think the old fashioned hospital rules were better, only two visitors , no sitting on beds. Wards run by matrons etc too many chiefs these days and they waste money on things which could go towards funding someone's op or something. In our hospital there are all these paintings and artificial plants etc. ludicrous. All most people want is to have good treatment and reassurance that no- one will pick up some nasty bug and end up worse that when they go in . I also think its a disgrace that children have to go to other countries because nhs won't fund their op. and the women who Re refused cancer medication because they live in the wrong post code. It's disgusting
I can't say that mum had bad care,but I do wonder what would of happened if consultant had been there. I will have to wonder forever I expect.

I totally agree with every thing you said. It really is beyond terrible and like I said I still have that nagging voice here and there with me about my mum. But I know she wouldn't want me tormenting myself over it. This is just me. I know our stories are so close to our hearts all very personal to our selves. I guess again also I think my spiritual belief of believing she is still around me helps too. But again I know this is personal too x

Even with my spiritual belief and messages connections I still want her here. It's painful as hell and crap! So close to dumping my party! Don't think I can do it!!

You talk to us anytime mummylin and I'm on pm anytime.