Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

[mummylin2495]

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

My brother and I were the executors and we had to go and read something in front of solicitor for probate Everything was very straight forward as mum had left a will. But to be honest without my brother I would not of had a clue where to go , who to see what to sign. I can't even remember now what order we did things in, I know I had to take my passport and one other thing of ID to banks etc. thank god for my brother.
It's such an awful time I think your brain wipes some of it out.
I still have mums number on my phone and I can't bear to delete it. I wish I could ring her, but sadly I know I can't anymore.
You will get through it all, most of the relevant people are quite helpful and can guide you through things.
How is your mum today ? And your poor sister, what a terrible shock for her as well.

She is ok. She is managing to eat a sn get some sleep. The gp have her some tranquillisers if needed but she hasn't taken ay yet.
I think my sister is going to see dad again today. I feel so sorry for her. For all of us.
I may ask my fil for advice re probate...I know he did it for his mother.
There is no house to sort out (they rent) and according the the probate website insurances and death in service benefits don't count.
I have no idea what I am doing!
I had a word shouted at dh last night and he had had a hour off this morning.
I suppose I should be grateful....

Good luck with your dealings today. It will another job done that has to be seen to.
Grateful ! That's what they like us to be I think. One of the worst experiences in our lives and they don't seem to have much understanding of how traumatic it actually is.
Glad to see that your mum is managing without medication. She is one brave lady. It's good that she is managing to eat ok . It's very strange how we actually do cope with doing some ordinary things like eating , washing etc.our world is shattered but things just continue.anyway thinking of you.

Thank you x

Had to sort out some pension paperwork today for mum (I am executrix) and I just couldn't drive by...I had to go in and see dad.
Is that weird?
I just couldn't drive by.
My brother is confirming the hotel for the wake today.
I was hanging washing out a minute ago.
Hanging washing out.
And my dad is dead.
I feel so divorced from everything ATM.

No it's not weird at all. You know that you won't be blue to do that soon so it's understandable that if you are near to where he is you would go and visit him. Yes it's strange isn't it, we still do all the normal stuff somehow. We must get added strength from somewhere.
There are lots of things to sort out aren't there.
My brother and I went to lots of differentlaves to find somewhere to hold the wake. Some of them charged a fortune per head and one hotel said the public would be allowed in !! Obviously we didnt choose that place. And it's really hard to know exactly how many people will be there.

Yes it is. We have guessed at 100 but apparently they only cater for 80%?? So 80 people. Seems odd to me.
Need to find out some stuff about probate now...no idea what I am doing however!
How are you feeling today mummylin?

I'm ok thanks. Not a day goes past when I don't have my mum entering my head, but in the general run of things I'm fine. Probate was easy. Not sure if the same for you. But our solicitor had to draft in a different one to do the probate swearing thing and we had to pay at the time we did it. I have no idea what we had to read out but we had to swear on oath it was correct. It only took a couple of weeks for probate to be granted and I think it was then we could access the bank accounts. I'm just not sure it's very muddled in my head now. But if I can remember rightly. Once that had happened we were able to pay the funeral bill and give the inheritors their first lot of money. Then we had to sell the house which also didnt take too long so we were able to settle everything up.it was all very stressful and as I said thank god for my brother !

It's only just occurred to me today that I am going to have to buy something to wear for the funeral!...

I had that problem. I just got a little top and a black cardigan and wore black trousers. I can never wear that top again. I didn't buy a coat and I was frozen ( it was November) . You are a bit luckier with the warmth bit. I didn't want to wear all black because my mum hated it, so the top was different colours in it including black.

I always wear black and white...to everything!
I have a top...may have to get a skirt though.

Should be able to pick one up easily enough. Your job for tomorrow !

Hello everyone, sad to find myself here.

My dad died on Wednesday, 4 weeks after his diagnosis of metastatic brain tumours. He was 66, and an incredibly healthy and active man. He was also gentle, hard-working, loyal, unassuming, funny, clever and handsome.

I am numb at the moment, but very irritable with those around me.

We have had a hell of a year. My mum has advanced stomach and liver cancer, diagnosed in January. Dad made such a wonderful job of caring for her. I am so proud of him for that, but I'm also gutted that he spent his last 6 months watching poor mum suffer so much.

I can identify with the funeral quandaries- hard to know how many people will come and worried we'll get the catering wrong. I am planning to wear a green dress to dad's funeral. He liked green.

Waterlego..l am so sorry for the loss of your father. And for your mothers ill health too. What an awful, awful time you are having.
My dad liked green too.
I was supposed to get something to wear for his funeral today...but I just couldn't. I can't buy something specially..l know I would never be able to wear it again.
We have no idea how many are coming....we have catered for 100 but it's anyone's guess really.
On Monday the family are arriving from Ireland so we will be doing airport runs etc.
It just seems so unreal.
This time 2 weeks ago we were getting ready for our weekend at my cousins wedding....

I'm so sorry for your loss waterlego, I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling right now. Have you got some support?

Do check out the cruse website.
I have found that helpful.

Hellowaterleg sorry you have joined us . My sympathies on your very sad loss. My you are going through a tough time at the moment. Horrible that your mum is in her sad situation as well, it's not surprising you are irritable. I can imagine it all feels very unreal at the moment, even though you know this has happened. It's all like a bad dream isn't it. Have you got siblings,family and friends to support you. Do you have someone who helps with care for your mum ?

I lost my dad in February, suddenly. I was able to be with him when he died but still, 6 months on its a very hard feeling that I'm slowly learning to live with.

I have had to do lots for my mum who has had to move house, gets bank account and suddenly after 40 odd years start sorting bills etc.

I also had to give evidence at an inquest which was difficult. I haven't had any professional help but there are bad days when I think I need it. I have though found that writing it all down helps, and some times I share my feelings on my blog.

Rambling now!

Hello flatas I think it has helped to be able to write and speak to people on this thread. It's good to be able to share with people going through the same thing. Very sorry that you are suffering a loss too

Hello everyone..
I've not come back to this thread for a few weeks.
It was my Mums birthday on the 4th of august her first away from home. The lead up and the Birthday were so tough.

I'm so sorry to those that have joined the thread what a shitty situation we're all in

I've had an eventful few weeks. My partner and I have split up. We have two young children so its going to be tough.

Hugs to all x

Hello Lucy, sorry to see you have split with your partner, on top of everything else it's def not a good time for you is it. Will you stay living where you are ? Things can only get better for you eventually. Your children will help you to keep going. Will write more tomorrow, I'm tired now , night

Hello again Lucy, I can't imagine the stress that you are going through right now, I expect you feel like your life is just falling to bits,. You must look after yourself first and foremost. Have you got good friends around who can help to prop you up for now. Do you think split will be final or is there a chance you can work things out. What terrible timing for this to happen. Do you have siblings who can support you. We are all here for you when you need a listening ear

So.
The relatives start arriving tomorrow morning.
Lots of airport pick ups etc.
I won't see much of the kids to tomorrow and have tried to prepare them for that. Dh is off in the afternoon so he will so something with them.
They are you g to a CM fine did mine during the actual funeral and then coming to us at the wake.
I do hope that's the right thing to do.
Dads funeral is on Tuesday morning.
I haven't really cried for a couple of days....is that normal?
Aunt is here so I won't see mum til later on today. Going to mils for lunch.
Lucy...I am very sorry for your loss and current situation. That the thing isn't it? Bereavement so often happens when other life changing/awful things are going on at the same time...life can be very cruel.

Yes what you have planted for your children is fine , whatever suits you best. It is normal not to cry every day, and that is how it goes on , you will have lots of to,days like this when you feel quite " normal" but then the grief will hit you once again. Tuesday will be very sad for you all, but you will cope with it. It's afterwards when everyone has gone and life is getting back to normal for most people, but for the bereaved its not so easy and this is when you need understanding and support from those around you
Did you manage to sort your clothes out ?

I have a black dress and a cardigan.
I am wearing those.
I just couldn't buy something new for my dads funeral...I can't explain it. It just seemed so wrong (of course I know it isn't wrong at all...)
I have collated a small album of photos of dad to go alongside the book of condolence.
My aunt is irritating me so much (nothing new there) so I am keeping out of her way.
The next 2 days will be so hard.
I just want to over ate at home with my kids today, but dh is insisting we go to mils for lunch as then I will eat something.
Sigh.
I know he is worried but I really resent being treated like a child.