Sorry for your loss Ephemeralfairy. I'm amazed by how many folks this actually seems to happen to.
Yesterday, dm and I managed to get both boys to our regional children's hospital for a regular appointment. On the way back, we also managed to purchase a tiger teddy that ds1 had said he wanted to buy and have placed in Daddy's coffin. My dm brilliantly suggested that the boys should have one each to keep too. They are now named Bounce and Pounce, which fits the boys nicely!
Yesterday we got a cause of death - myocardial fibrosis - which effectively means scarring on the heart muscle, which can cause fatal arrhythmias. (It also means dh had an enlarged heart, so it is now officially recognised that he was indeed a man 'with a big heart', as everyone has been telling me). An underlying cause may be more tricky to establish apparently.
Practically, what this means is a) we now have a date booked, next Friday, for a funeral and b) the medics know what they are looking for in the boys (and they each have an hour's appointment next week).
Last night, some good friends and I were looking for the perfect song for dh's departure from the church. This morning, I suddenly remembered Jack Johnson's 'Better Together' and it is perfect. We nearly danced to it at our wedding, but felt it was too tricky to dance to. This time, we don't need to dance.
The vicar and I have also decided we will sing 'Swing low sweet chariot' as a hymn, in recognition of dh's love of sport. The words fit the occasion too. He will enter to the Imperial March from Star Wars and I believe he would have a big grin on his face because he was teaching the boys how to swing light sabers (without decapitating my only ornament) to it recently! It's gradually starting to come together.
I have found and cropped a fab photo of dh for the order of service, ordered a shirt and tie for ds1, and located 80% of the paperwork required by dh's company to progress with financial stuff. At one point today, I was talking financial stuff with the support worker from dh's company, while an electrician fitted me a new electrical box, as arranged a few weeks ago by dh. He'd given me a 6 hour window, but of course came at the exact same moment. I did laugh, as it rather descended into farce!
The boys are very sensitive at the moment, but also very easily excited by guests. This is keeping me on my toes and I am very tired. I played the piano for them tonight while they fell asleep and this seemed to relax both them and I.
I'm hoping things will gradually start to slow down soon so I have more time to play with the boys and to take the time I need to begin to deal with my own feelings. Now, time for sleep.