Thank you all again for your kind words of encouragement.
I've had a pretty good week. I began by reminding the boys about following instructions at the first time of asking and this dramatically improved their behaviour, and immediately decreased the nagging from me. This has led to a more harmonious atmosphere.
Yesterday passed (7 weeks) without me noticing it was a Thursday. I think this is a big milestone. Could also just be that I am very tired due to ds2's 90 minute night wakings that have occurred each night this week! It even included ds1's first sports day, which dh wouldn't have missed for the world, and we got through it in one piece.
Tonight, our best man drew the short straw and has helped me go through our entire two drawer filing cabinet. This has helped me to feel much more in control and organised for the future.
Two big things have happened today. Firstly, I have paid off a large chunk of our mortgage. I'd have given the money back in an instant to have dh back, but in terms of the new life that we are starting, it was a good thing to be able to do.
Secondly, and much more worryingly, I had a copy of the letter today that the local cardio consultant dictated to the regional one during the boys' appointments last week. He has added a note at the end, having scrutinised their ecgs more closely, which says that ds2's ecg shows some arrhythmia. This was a huge blow as I thought it had all gone well and that the boys were currently clear. I spoke to one of our GPs, who reassured me a bit, but I shook again all afternoon, like I did for those first five days. He thinks we should get seen in about 2 weeks and I will have to try and keep calm in the meantime. I have worked very hard at not appearing anxious or talking about their health in front of the boys.
On a nicer note, the boys have had their photobooks from me today and seemed to really love them. The Star Wars helium balloons they want to release on Sunday have arrived and they have asked to take them to the park where dh was playing football. They have both made cards for daddy to go in their memory boxes.
I have a busy weekend ahead. Some of my lovely friends are coming over with takeaway tomorrow night and are then staying over. They will leave after breakfast and we will take the balloons, bikes and football to the park (gulp). Luckily, ds2's best friend's birthday is on Sunday so we are then going to see them for a birthday barbeque, which will be perfect. This weekend represents the first key date in the calendar to get through. I know it won't be easy, but I feel better about it at the mo than I expected to. That has to be a good place to start. If ds2 will now let me get some sleep, that would be even better!