Misty breeze wraps about my shoulders, thinly clad. I shiver not, despite the coolness on my skin. Comfort, I now feel. Is it you my precious Angel?

[chipmonkey]

Starting a new thread for our angel babies
Sylvie-Rose 16/8/11 to 4/10/11 too short my love, too short.

the party i took dd to today, was really hard as there was several mums there with babies, then the person who sat next to me, was telling me she was pg, i said all the right things such as thats great news congratulations etc
but she kept on and on about it, every little detail
i tried to divert the conversation onto things like, have you started your christmas shopping etc, but what ever i said she would bring the conversation back round to "the baby in her tummy"
and say oh well i went the other day and you know what its like when your pg you get so tired, so i had to come home
etc etc
so everytime i tried to change the subject she would change it back
she does knwo what we have been through too.
its not like she doesnt know

i just find seeing people so hard, i just do not want to face people

do you think i should get dh to take dd to any other parties coming up?
just don't know if i would actually be better off retreating from social things i find too hard

its really the face people i am finding so so hard at them moment

sorry to go on about myself again

white if you think you can go along to birthday parties, then do. But it might be an idea to practise those sentences beforehand, (sorry, I'd rather not talk about this, it is too painful for me, etc) simply so you are prepared to shut off unnecessarily painful or prolonged conversations when you start feeling uncomfortable. I think you are just a very nice and polite person (far more than me) however, I am not sure that following normal social conventions is useful to you right now. You don't need additional burdens of hurt and pain from thoughtless people. Please, please protect yourself.

mias mummy, what should i do when say this person starts going on and on about her pg then, just say say somehting like i don't feel like talking about this?

also someone else said to me, youve had a really difficult year havent you.
and i find it hard as i never know when someones going to bring ds up.
its like i feel like i have to be on guard all the time
this is the first time this person has even mentioned ds to me, so after 9 months decides to try and start a conversation with me about ds at a childrens party

Yep, that is exactly what you say!!

As for the other friend who mentioned little orchid, i would say something like "yes, it had been the worst of my life. But thank you for acknowledging my son, not many people do. I miss him do much." and if you cry, it really doesn't matter...

thanks mias mummy, i never used ti be this much of a doormat, i used to be really good at protecting myself.

perhaps i need to somehow build myself up more

suppose it was nice of her really, but i kind of find it hard, not knowing when or if people will bring up ds
leaves me in a state of on edge really
but i suppose i ought to just think t least she has tried to show that she cares, either that or fancies a bit of gossip fodder

perhaps i should just hibinate over the winter, and come back out inthe spring

white, say "I'm sorry, I know you're really excited about your baby but to be honest, after losing babyorchid, I find it really hard to talk about pregnancy and babies so would you mind it we didn't? I'm sure you understand".

Honestly, some people have a lump of wood where their brain should be, you'd think you wouldn't need to point it out!

I started to read this thread but couldn't carry on (for reasons which I won't or can't go into) but I will say this - grief is an honest emotion - in all of its forms, never feel ashamed to express it. The very reason why we don't talk about it is because we don't talk about it, does that make sense? I so wish we could find a way to talk about loss more easily. I feel for all of you (and me if I'm honest). I hope that with the passing of time you will all find your loss less painful. Xxxx

white just prepare a short answer to cut people short, be pretty blunt about it as when people are so absorbed in their own lives they seem to forget about other peoples. Don't be worried about upsetting anyone and don't start hiding yourself away. The problem with that is that you will still have these situations to deal with so you are only delaying it really :(

thanks chip, i will try that, i will try harder to assert myself

Morning girls xx

Morning, shabba xx

21 weeks today since we lost our beautiful Flora, was so sad at the weekend when out shopping for some Christmas bits for our girls and knowing she won't be with us this year, how she loved all the Christmas stuff.
It is another one of those dreaded firsts, first Christmas without her. I know it is the same for some other families here.
Just don't know how I will handle it all.

3girlies, the first is hard and tbh, I'm not massively looking forward to our second either but I am trying to think of it as another day without her, neither better nor worse than the other days without her.

hi everyone, yes i try and say to myself chips mantra christmas is just another day, i said that to myself the other day when tears were filling my eyes when i was in the car

had a much better day today, went to my cousins, she lost her dd at 18 months, and we had a good hug and a good chat and i felt alot better, and more optimistic about the future

Well done white and thanks chip, I will think along those lines. Wish I physically (as opposed to on here, YKWIM) knew some other recently bereaved parents to talk to, must do something about it.

3girlies yes i think that does help alot, i have two friends i know since losing ds, one from about a month after who lost her son a week after i lost mine
we are firm friends now
and another we were asked ot meet up with from the lady that runs sands

we all try and pull each other through.

is there any where[like sands] you could go to find others in a similar situation?

Had the boys parents night tonight, everywhere I looked I seen babies, had a mini meltdown in the school :( everyone was lovely and we got taken in front of some other parents. That's the 1st time I've cried in front of anyone at the school. Exactly 9 weeks to the minute since my by died. I kiss my boy so so much

boy miss

(((fiveboys))))
you did really well you know, just to get down there.
wishi could bring your ds back and all our lovely children

I am missing my darling son Sean tonight so dreadfully. He died on 9th July. I am in agony. I feel I just need to write it down.

I am sorry for all of us who are in such pain and hope and pray (in a non-religious sort of way) that it passes soon.

hi saintvera, i'm sorry you are going through this too.
thinking of you
really hopethis pain eases eventually,even just a bit, really really do

Thank you white. It comes in waves, as so many of you will know. I wish it would stop but I keep having to remind myself it is early days x

It's very painful, Vera. My daughter died 7 July.

((()))

yes its very early days (((saintvera)))))
it does def come in waves, and you never knwo when a wave will hit, in my case usually at the most inconvienant time.

i guess the waves of grief happen because its too much for the mind to cope with, i try to just do my best to get through the waves, and when i feel ok, try and sort of enjoy feeling ok.
and try to worry about the next wave you can already feel swelling

evening expat