Beatrice died on 24th October aged 1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 1 day. She was buried on 2nd November. As she starts her new life as a butterfly, we are left on the ground feeling bewildered and bereft. I read a short piece at her funeral, and I stand by it:
'I often felt that being Beatrice's mum was much like holding a butterfly. I was in awe of her beauty and felt so privileged that she had chosen to come to me. But, much like a butterfly, I knew that one day she would spread her wings and fly away.
When Beatrice was one day old, a kind stranger shared this poem with me, and it sums up how I feel about Beatrice:
"A butterfly lights besides us like a sunbeam. And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belongs to the world.
But then it flies once again, and though we wish it could have stayed, we feel so lucky to have seen it."
I feel so lucky to have been chosen as Beatrice's mum and I truly believe that the immense grief we must now suffer is still a small price to play for the love she brought into our lives.
Goodnight Beatrice'
I still feel her love in my heart, but I am struggling without her in my arms. I miss caring for her and kissing her. Looking at her and stroking her hair. Singing to her, always singing so many songs. I haven't sung a song since she died, but I don't want the music to leave my life as it means I have let the grief win.
Fly high little butterfly, but please don't forget all of us left behind who hold you, still so fragile, in our hearts and memories. Please don't forget me, Beatrice x
Bereavement
'What the caterpillar perceives is the end, to the butterfly is just the beginning.' Our journey after Beatrice
cupofteaplease · 06/11/2012 21:05
Umm, I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew... 
I only had to teach for 1hr 40mins, then had breaktime which I couldn't bear- so noisy, such inane chatter. My head was banging. Then I had an hour's PPA time. I tried to mark books but my head was swimming and it felt like I had play dough rattling around between my ears 
It took me 1hr 45mins to mark one set of books. I just kept yawning.
I loved being with the children, they were adorable. A few asked me, 'Is it true your baby died?', so I sat them down and gave them a small explanation.
I thought I might have a little snooze this afternoon, but dd1 was sent home sick from school. It never rains...!
Oh well, try again tomorrow I guess.
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Cup, I am glad your day went ok.
Children can be a real 'tonic', can't they? 
.
They just come right out and ask, no polite eumphemisms, no hasty expression of insincere condolences, no averting of eyes.
And then they move on to a fight over who gets to play with the red car 
...
I agree with everybody else, one step at a time, one day at a time.
The time will come when that DVD will be a treasure.
Today was a much better day work went well, just waiting for the girls to get home from school to make cookies together, then a friend is coming over later for a glass of wine.
Can't believe it was a week since we buried Beatrice. Dd2 keeps talking of Bea playing angel tag with all the other angel babies. Let's hope she's right...
Sorry, I'm sure enjoy is the wrong word - I certainly didn't mean to sound flippant. .
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