"You Light The Skies Up Above Me, A Star So Bright You Blind Me" Remembering all our precious children.

[fioled]

For my beautiful baby Anabelle Violet, loved and missed to the moon and back, always xxx How hard we wish that you were here baby girl.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

For all our babies and children, big and small xx

Shabs thanks for the reply.
I'm so glad you decided to stop drinking so much. Wishing you all the best x

Oh Expat lovely... :(

I don't know what to say, that won't sound like empty, meaningless & disposable platitudes.

You can (and I believe will) get the housing/benefits situation sorted. It's understandable that you have a defeatist attitude to it, considering life did defeat you, in the cruellest & most important matter. I imagine your strength has gone - there are others who will help though, who will take this on & lighten the burden.

Life is shit, it is unfair & it sucks big time. It doesn't help to know that others stuggle too - unless you're Pollyanna, then what happens in your life is what matters.

I realise that your DS's birthday yesterday must have seemed torturous - of course it should have been the same as before.

I never had the pleasure of knowing Allidh, but by all accounts she was a very special little lady. How can that have been without you as her mother?

Expat Allidh was who she was because of you, not in spite of you.

I'm sure you know that your surviving children need you lovely. As desolate as you feel, it is a truth that cannot be denied.

They will continue to need you, even as adults. I'm sure in time you will realise this.

Above everything you are not a failure. Nothing of the sort. I wish life was fair, but it's not.

I know you don't believe in life after death, but I include a link to an interesting article the other day - it comforted me here I hope it doesn't offend anyone,

Thinking of you lovely, strong woman. Remember the night is often blackest just before dawn - I used to think that was a crap saying, but it is true - just hang in there xxxxx

www.achildofmine.co.uk/Inspirational-Quotes/I145.htm

Find inspirational quotes helpful sometimes, I was looking at this site. Looking for ways to try and support you. And one thing that site suggests is ask the parent to share some of the happy memories that you had together
If you wanted to do that I'd be happy and homered to hear them x but if not I totally understand x x x

White can I just say how lovely you are :) xxxxx

Aw thanks Tamisara x x x

I think we all just try and stick together as best we can x x

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together...there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think, but the most important thing is, even if we're apart...I'll always be with you."
-Winnie the Pooh

I 'stole' this off Lottie on Facebook yesterday. It kind of says it all.

Yep 'United we stand, divided we fall' should be our motto on this thread x

Expat have been thinking again about my post to you earlier. The last thing you need is me making yet more suggestions about what you could do, sorry. I know you're getting advice on other threads too about your housing situation and can imagine that it's probably making your head spin. I'm so, so sorry that you're having so much heaped on you to worry about. It's just bloody awful. xx

Six months today since my beautiful boy died and part of me with him, and nobody, not even DP, has noticed the date. In many ways I'm having a harder time with it now than I was in those early days when I was surrounded by love and support. But now, when I really could use some help, everyone seems to have disappeared. Friends hardly ever call and my family acts like nothing has happened. I've never been so lonely before. Love you darling, darling boy. I wish so much you could have stayed xxx

matilda (((hugs))). It's a saying I've quoted before, but it is so true - 'grief outlives empathy'. It's terribly lonely, far more than you can ever imagine xxxx

matilda
Lots of hugs and love to you. I know how you feel, it was 4 months since James died on saturday and no-one remembered or mentioned it. Just me. It hurts so much doesn't it?
Everyone seems to think that because time has passed you are 'over' it. I am coping less well than before. I think that has a lot to do with the withdrawal of support. I am very aware that no-one can be expected to be there as much as they were in the beginning, but the complete loss of support hurts.
Thinking of you and your beautiful boy xxx

Anybody heard from Expat?

If you are just reading and not posting Expat I just wanted to check up on you.....just wanted you to know that we are all in 'your corner' and sending our love and thoughts xxxxxx

matilda, so sorry for the loss of your precious son xx
totally agree grief way outlasts peoples sympathy

ii can feel the support around me becomeing less and less

((()))

ive not seen expat, im getting really worried about her, expat, i really hope your ok, we are all here for you, we are all on your side
(((())))

Thanks all for your kind words. I've been feeling wretched all week but today I felt the darkness lifting a little. It comes in waves. I think I'm my own worst enemy because I put on a very brave and cheerful front and then I get angry that nobody realises how upset I am .

One of the things that D's death has taught me is that I'm totally crap at asking for what I need the most. I bottle up my feelings, get angry that I'm being misunderstood or neglected and then blurt it all out as a string of accusations, which inevitably then leads to a big row with DP...which is what happened last night. All I wanted was a bloody cuddle and for someone else to remember that our baby died six months ago.

How are you doing mumoftwoteenboys? I guess that's what we're here for. To keep on offering support when it seems that it's slipping away elsewhere. You're right though it does hurt. I remember when you first posted about your lovely James. Can't believe it's been four months already xx

Hope you're ok Expat and didn't feel too bombarded by well-meaning advice. We're all here for you.

Just wanted you all to know that I have 'spoken' to Expat via messages and she seems OK - My God I hate that 'OK' but I think you all know what I mean. xx

Morning girls xx

matilda

I'm glad that you are feeling a little better. I think we are all guilty of bottling things up but still expecting our DP's to 'see' through the mask. Then, of course, we are upset when they can't do that.

I'm not great tbh, I'm struggling with everything. The GP gave me some meds to help, but they just make me feel sick and shaky on top of feeling everything else I was already feeling.

shabba

I'm glad that you have 'spoken' to expat. I wanted to post in reply to her, but nothing I wrote was right. Can you send her my thoughts and love?

I know how everyone feels. I haven't taken DD1 to her groups for a couple of weeks "I want to be alone" as Ms Gabo would say...

I left a cryptic post last month - I found out I was pregnant. Didn't last long, I lost it on the day we went to the memorial service. It was very early anyway. I don't know how I feel. I'm not sure I know who I am anymore.

shabs I'm glad you talked to expat. I've been worried about her too. xxxx

Tami ((()))). So sorry love. Not much consolation I know, but I've just been through the same and I'm surprised at just how numb I felt about it. It's like it didn't really register. If you'd asked me a year ago, I would have said I'd have been devastated by a miscarriage, but after everything that's happened I just thought 'of course'. And if I'm totally, totally honest, maybe there was a bit of relief in there too as I was so terrified of going through a pregnancy with no real hope of a happy outcome. Sorry, don't mean to project my experiences or feelings on to you, just saying I understand. Nothing is how it should be, hardly surprising our feelings are all over the place too. I've been very Garbo-esque since the m/c, only without the glamour!

Mumof so sorry you are struggling (realise how stupid that sounds when we are all struggling, how could we not be?). Please know that you are not alone and if it helps to post here, please do. I've read your thread and you sound like such a lovely, caring person having to deal with the worst nightmare imaginable xx

I'm sorry you are having such a totally shit time of it from all directions at the moment Expat

Yesterday was the anniversary of the doctors telling us Cole's final diagnosis. It was the 5th Nov and the fireworks were exploding in the sky above while dh and I walked back to our accomodation in a trance.

It will be Cole's 5th remember day tomorrow. Sometimes it's like it was yesterday and at other times it's almost dreamlike.

Ds3 is now older than Cole will ever be. As our family moves away from the baby stage, it sometimes feels like Cole isn't moving along with us.

Pah, it's just shit.

I miss him.

He should be here with us all, not in the ground and in photo's.

Hello ladies.

Please can I pop my head around the corner of this thread? I am mum to 3 beautiful girls. 7, 5 and forever 13 months. We buried dd3 on Friday, she died on 24th October.

My question to you wise lot is this: when did you go back to work?

I'm going back on Thursday, and nobody at work is overly happy about it, I feel. They say it's too soon, but what else am I meant to do? My other girls are in school. my whole purpose for working part time was to look after Beatrice who was severely disabled. Now I don't have that to do, I feel I have to go back to work. Any advice?

Hi cup welcome to our haven.

I'm so sorry about Bea. She was an amazing little girl who has gone too soon.

I didn't return to work after Cole died, so I don't have any experience. But what I would say is, there isn't a right or wrong, it's about what is right for you, right now. Remember that whatever decision you make, it isn't set in stone. You can change your mind and at anytime.

Maybe look at why you feel you should return? Are you putting expectations upon yourself, or do you feel the structure is what you need?

Sorry for your loss cup, my son Dexter died 6 weeks ago, so it's still raw for me too. I did briefly read your thread. Your comment about your day revolving around doing everything for Bea to doing nothing, is exactly how I feel. All day everyday I did everything for Dexter, to doing absolutely nothing is so very hard, it's not even a gradual process of doing less and less.
I can't advise you about work as I'm a sahm, but I do believe you'll know what is right for you. If you do go back and think it was too soon that's ok too. Just do what you need to do xx

cup So, so sorry about your beloved Bea. You say you feel you have to go back, but do you want to? I started to work again about six weeks after my baby died but only part time and I do quite a lot from home so I didn't have to face people in a work place environment, so it was quite a gentle introduction. However when I do go into the office now I find it a great solace and distraction. It's the only time I feel like "the old me". I will say that grief is completely exhausting and it can be a bit difficult to concentrate at times so I think you need to factor that in and not push yourself too hard too soon.

Hello cup. I returned to work about 10 wks after we lost our DD3 Flora to a brain tumour in July this year. I was really glad for something to fill time for me and I was also amongst friends, it was not so hard and I am glad I did it, I do rather leave my grief at the door and return to it later so feels strange at times, doing normal stuff I mean. Yes, my world revolved around Flora's needs too, hospital stays, surgeries, radiotherapy, chemo etc., so was really lost as well as grieving so much.
For me it felt right.
So sorry for your dreadful loss, my 2 other girls are 11 and 14 so older.
Welcome to the thread, so sad that we have to all meet here.
expat thinking of you. X.