My Mom Died Suddenly

[NotQuiteCockney]

She's in Mexico, with Dad. I hadn't seen her since the summer, hadn't been good about emails lately. Heart attack. No surprise, but still.

DH is in a meeting somewhere where he can't have a phone. This afternoon is crazy busy for him, don't know what will happen.

DS1 is at school. I'm meant to be picking him up after, and going to a friend's place. Not a close friend. She has a new baby.

DS2 is playing under my feet. I'm just stuck. Fuck. I can't believe this.

Can't you tell your dh's office that it's an emergency and FIND him? You need him home with you. Hope he turns up soon to be there for you.

There is nothing you could have done to prevent this. She would have died from this sooner or later and no time is the right time.

I agree about telling your dh's colleagues that your mum has died and you need him called out of the meeting right now. He'll probably be angry that he never got the messages. Work colleagues are like that, if someone is in a mtg they won't disturb them unless it's an emergency.

I didn't say what had happened, as I didn't want to lose it on the phone.

Oh, he's finally called, he's coming home. He'll get someone else to make the presentation. Thank God.

I don't normally do these, but in the circumstances, I think it appropriate:

REally glad to hear that he's coming home.

He was in transit between meetings, presumably hadn't got the message at all. He's normally really really good about keeping in touch. He knows I wouldn't ask him to call me urgently if it wasn't urgent.

(I don't know his current boss. A lot of men called David started all at once, like two in his team, and one over him, and I can't remember who is which.)

Thanks, dinosaur.

Glad he si coming at last. Now you can unburden yourself to him. I expect you will feel very confused and have mixed emotions for some time to come.

Don't blame yourself for your Mom not dealing with her health properly. And try not to be angry with her (although it's very understandable). I have been, on and off, hugely angry with my mother for not looking after herself which I'm sure contributed to her death, but then again she was dealt a rotten hand as she had chronic asthma all her life.

Glad your dh is coming back. I have to go now, but I will check this thread later. take lots of care - thinking of you. xxxx

Yes, be good to yourself, NQC, and try not to beat yourself up about stuff.

Glad dh is on his way back.

What a horrible terrible shock - so sorry for you.

How is your Dad? Does he have support where he is?

Dad seemed ok. He has lots of friends where he is. My brother is talking about flying down to help Dad drive back home.

It's all a bit up in the air, anyway. Mom and Dad lived half the year in Mexico, and half outside Toronto. They couldn't spend more than half the year outside Canada, or would lose their pensions. The place they own outside Toronto isn't usable in the winter.

I don't know if Dad wants to go back and forth on his own now, or what. I doubt he knows.

I've mentioned my "meet up in the Caribbean" plan to Dad, and will mention it to my sister. It's a weird plan, but it could work.

So very sorry NQC.
What a terrible shock for you all.

NQC i'm so sorry to hear this.

oh NQC I am so sorry to hear this

nqc, im sorry to read your news. xx

So sorry to hear this NQC xx

NQC I am so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you xx

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Am so sorry to hear this. My dad died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 56. It will be 6 years on 2nd February. It was such a complete shock and completely out of the blue. Wasn't ill before hand, was at work on Tuesday (I did and still do work at the same company), dead by 9 am Wednesday morning. Complete shock.

It still affects me when I hear of someone losing someone suddenly.

DH came home, and took over.

DS1 was picked up by a friend.

DH took care of DS2.

I haven't really collapsed with grief, but at least didn't feel so much like I had to do everything.

I spoke to my brother, my SIL, a couple of good friends back home (one of whom knew my mom pretty well, we've been friends since we were 7).

Plans are still completely up in the air. This morning, I'm suddenly feeling like going to Mexico. I know my sister is going. I think I would take DS2, leave DS1 with DH? No idea. I probably won't go. I don't know.

DS1's school would keep him from 8:30 to 5, and I'm sure someone local would take him for any time around that, that I needed cover for. DS2 is 16 months, still breastfed, and preverbal, so I don't like the thought of being away from him. Well, I've not been away from DS1 for 24 hours at a time, so I don't like the idea of being away from him either.

I don't know.

When my dog died, when I was 12 or so, I went to bed for three days. A part of me feels sad that I'm not doing that now. I don't know if I would do that if I could? Maybe.

In theory, today, my SIL and her hubby and their (tiny) baby are coming, and taking care of our DSes. In theory, today, we are going shopping for toilets.

Tomorrow, I think a neighbour is taking at least DS1, maybe DS2 as well. She's not had both of them before.

Just to say so sorry for your loss NQC.
It hard to know what you want to do.

I remember when my grandad died going to my grandmas house and getting to the gate, but just couldn't go in even though I wanted too.

Your dh sounds lovely and you need someone to look after things when you seem to run on auto.
Take care and thinking of you.

I feel like I should be in Mexico to help my Dad, with my sister.

But:
a) I don't want to go to Mexico. Never been, don't want to go. (Don't like hot weather, don't want to go places where the water's not safe, don't like third-world countries.)
b) I'd feel like it was really fucked up, my mom always wanting me to go, and I go after she's dead? But that's a stupid reason to not go, too.
c) The boys are more than a bit of a complication. DH would take time off work to come with, I guess, but work is really busy these days, and ... I just dunno.