My Mom Died Suddenly

[NotQuiteCockney]

She's in Mexico, with Dad. I hadn't seen her since the summer, hadn't been good about emails lately. Heart attack. No surprise, but still.

DH is in a meeting somewhere where he can't have a phone. This afternoon is crazy busy for him, don't know what will happen.

DS1 is at school. I'm meant to be picking him up after, and going to a friend's place. Not a close friend. She has a new baby.

DS2 is playing under my feet. I'm just stuck. Fuck. I can't believe this.

OMG so sorry NQC. How awful for you

Oh NQC I'm so sorry.

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

NQC, I am so sorry. What a dreadful shock for you

DH has still not called. I have left a message on his voice mail, and spoken to someone in his office.

My nearby friend called, and will do what she can to help. We may well go hang out there for a bit.

I just keep thinking this isn't real. It doesn't seem real, somehow. And I keep being fine, then getting upset, being fine, then getting upset.

At least DS2 doesn't seem bothered. He was sitting on my lap while I was on the phone with my dad, crying, and he was laughing. I think he thought i was pretending to cry. I'm at least glad he's not getting upset.

I am so sorry, what a horrible shock for you.
I hope you get to speak to dh soon.
Take care of yourself and do what feels right for you.
Best wishes, Winnie

Thanks, winnie. I glanced at your thread this morning, how are you holding up?

Not too bad considering... but now the funeral is over I am aware that it is the weeks to come that are going to be so empty and so difficult.

Thank you for asking.

very sorry to read this

So sorry to hear this NQC. Hugs xxx. My mother died very suddenly nearly 9 years ago, it's a terribly shocking thing and I really feel for you. Take care.

You used to see your mum a lot? That's got to make it harder.

I didn't have that much contact with mine, she was in Canada or Mexico, I'm in the UK. I guess that's what makes it not-real. I only really saw her once a year.

NQC, nothing is harder or easier.

You will have to deal with the knowledge from a far and that is hard. Little in your day to day life will change (I imagine) so it will be easy to deny to yourself that she is gone. She is your Mum and you only get one Mum and the pain of losing her will be enormous. You are inevitably in shock and it will take time for this news to sink in.

Grief hits people in very different ways so just go with it and, as I said, do what is right for you.

Thinking of you, Winnie

Yeah, it sucks no matter what. Sudden seems so unfair and hard, to me, that we had no warning, no chance to say "goodbye", nothing. But then, at least she wasn't in pain, it happened very quickly and easily for her. And we didn't have weeks of waiting and worrying and wondering.

Really sorry NQC

Hope you manage to get in touch with DH soon.

Are you Canadian, NQC? Was your mother? My mother was from Winnipieg, originally (you said your brother was there).

Thinking of you. You're going to be on a rollercoaster for a bit so expect a bumpy ride. Hope your dh can come home early for you. Have a couple of glasses of wine to steady yourself tonight.

You said that "Sudden seems so unfair and hard.." - yes it IS unfair and feeling cheated and angry is a very common reaction to this kind of loss. Do talk to people about it - don't bottle things up. Perhaps further down the line, you can find a bereavement counsellor to speak to. They can really help, but are best once the shock has passed, which can take a little time.

Message withdrawn

I'm so sorry to hear about this NQC, I don't know what to say really. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help, unfortunately I'm away from tomorrow until Monday afternoon so I can't be much practical help over the next few days. My thoughts are with you and your family.

I am from Canada. My mom was from Winnipeg, but I'm from Toronto, and lived in Montreal for ages.

I've been in the UK for 9 years though, and haven't lived in the same city as my mom since I was 18.

DH has still not called! Every time he goes to these stupid meetings he can't have a phone in, he says, oh, you can call my team, they will get a message to me. Well, I called his fucking team, at like 12:15. He was meant to be done at 1. He has another presentation to make at 2, at his office. I have called, SMSed, emailed.

I know it doesn't really matter, he will be in touch when he can be, and my mom will still be dead, then. But it would be nice to talk to him. I tried to call a dear friend back home, but he's not home, presumably off at gfs.

Talk to us then

Have you left a message to say your mother has died or simply asking him to contact you? Could you ring his boss and explain to him? That is what I would do if I needed to get to my dh at work this badly.

NQC - have you told his team what has happened? They should be moving heaven and earth to find him, under the circumstances.

I'm just really angry.

I keep remembering her struggling to walk a block, or climb stairs. She had type II diabetes, and her weight was ok (well, not really, but not scary bad, and not getting worse) but she just didn't take exercise. At all. She should have taken better care of herself. They do courses, in the US, for diabetics, to help them learn to manage their diabetes better, and help them take better care of themselves. And I wanted to send her on one (would she have gone?) but never worked up the nerve to tell her.

And I didn't really enjoy her company, and she annoyed me quite a bit (didn't mean to, obviously). But I just can't believe she's dead.