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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My baby daughter died. I want her back

672 replies

Whatevertheweather · 30/08/2011 11:22

Hello, have been a regular poster since my eldest daughter was born 4 years ago. Never expected to be starting a thread in bereavement.

I was 35 weeks pregnant last week when I stopped feeling regular movements. A frantic dash to the hospital ended with an emergency c section after a scan showed she was showing signs of a viral infection. They thought we gone in time but when they took her out she was much worse than they expected. She died after about 40mins. We spent 2 precious nights with her before having to leave her there and come home for our other daughter.

I am numb. I can't stop shaking. I hate myself everytime I close my eyes I see 4 red words on a white background 'you should have known'

I just want her back - she shouldn't have even been born yet

OP posts:
LoonyRationalist · 30/08/2011 18:26

So sorry for the loss of your daughter Erin. Please don't blame yourself. I wish you strength & peace xx

imogengladheart · 30/08/2011 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HalleLouja · 30/08/2011 18:28

Sending you lots of hugs. Hopefully you find someone you trust to organise Erin's funeral. Hugs.

AngryBeaver · 30/08/2011 18:30

Oh God, that is just so incredibly unfair. I usually don't open threads like this because I can't bear to hear about such sorrow.
I just want you to know it was not your fault in any way,of course it wasn't. You could never have known. And you acted really quickly to try and help your baby.
It sounds like you have a lovely family around you,who are also missing Erin.
I am so terribly sorry for you all. Much love to you xxxx

TheGoddessBlossom · 30/08/2011 18:33

She died wrapped in you, with your warmth and heartbeat to comfort her, she was not alone.

Imogen that is lovely.

FairyArmadillo · 30/08/2011 20:10

So sorry for your loss xxxx

GodKeepsGiving · 30/08/2011 20:29

So sorry for what you are going through. You did all you could do and Erin deserves much more respect than she was shown from the funeral directors and so do you. I do hope you can find someone in RL to truly empathise and support you, but each of us feels desperately sad for you. With much love to you all.

diedandgonetodevon · 30/08/2011 20:38

I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely Erin Sad. Be gentle on yourself.

wideawakenurse · 30/08/2011 20:39

I am so, so sorry.

balia · 30/08/2011 20:46

So sorry for your loss. Will be preying for you and your family in this dark time.

balia · 30/08/2011 20:47

So sorry - praying - can't type properly for tears.

BlondeG · 30/08/2011 20:47

I am so so incredibly sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved daughter Erin. It was not your fault, in anyway, although I can totally empathize with you thinking it is.

My DS2 died 4 years ago, he stopped moving and by the time I got to the hospital he had died. It was truly horrific and I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy.

I wish there was something I could do or say to take the pain away, sadly I know there isn't, but I am thinking of you and your beautiful girl.

AKMD · 30/08/2011 20:53

I am so sorry that you have lost Erin, I can't imagine how earth-shattering this must be for you and your family.

It was absolutely not your fault. You did exactly the right thing to get checked out and that gave your precious daughter the beautiful gift of a life spent being cuddled, snuggled and warm, next to loving parents who adored her.

Prayers for you all. Families are together forever.

frasersmummy · 30/08/2011 20:54

oh whatever... I have been there.. my first little boy was stillborn at 39.5 weeks after the same dash you made...

I beat myself up for years thinking I should have known or gone sooner or made the hospital do more etc but I came to see and you will too (eventually) that it wasnt your fault

Absolutely find a funeral director that cares about your baby girl... its one of the few things you can do now for Erin

I echo Dee's and Shabs's words that you will be made very welcome on the bereaved mummies thread. Hopefully you will find some comfort and help especailly in the weeks and months ahead when everyone else seems to move on whilst your world has still stopped

In the meantime be kind to yourself and take time to grieve

How is your older daughter coping??

mymumdom · 30/08/2011 20:57

I love the name Erin, it was on our list of girls names. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how you are feeling :(
I suspect you think you could have got to the hospital earlier; did you have a nagging feeling that something was wrong before you went in perhaps? Whatever happened, it sounds like you and the doctors did everything they could and an hour or two either way would not have made any difference. It's desperately unfair I know and I really hope that the PM gives you some kind of answer.
I hope you have supportive people around you and feel free to talk this way with them as well.

bittentothequick · 30/08/2011 21:00

I am so sorry. :(
Erin is a beautiful name.

everlong · 30/08/2011 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shandybass · 30/08/2011 21:20

whatevertheweather I just wanted to add my condolences to your poor baby. It's such a cruel thing. Be good to yourself. You feel your job was to take care of her and nourish her and that no one else could do that, but these bad things happen and to good people too and your body would have done all that it could. If only is a common thought and sadly we can't go back.

LunaticFringe · 30/08/2011 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 30/08/2011 21:44

Sending our love to any here who have experienced similar pain. I can't think of anything worse. Difficult to know what to say but good to see so many people here expressing their concern for you Wtw

TheGashlycrumbTinies · 30/08/2011 21:50

Really sorry for the loss of baby Erin.

FebreezeYourJeans · 30/08/2011 22:03

Erin was so loved, she can't have failed to feel it. She wasn't afraid. My hear aches for you all, I hope you find the right people to lay Erin to rest. x

AitchTwoOh · 30/08/2011 22:06

Erin is a beautiful name, and you love her. I'm so sorry you didn't get to spend more time together. peace and love to you.

chocolateyclur · 30/08/2011 22:07

I am so, so sorry.

Erin is a beautiful name.

PacificDogwood · 30/08/2011 22:14

Just adding my condolences too, whatevertheweather.
Life is just too unfair for words sometimes.

Erin is a beautiful name for your much loved baby girl.
I really hope you find a meaningful and memorable way to lay her to rest and to remember her by always.

Much love and strength x.