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Bereavement

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Original poster

My baby daughter died. I want her back

672 replies

Whatevertheweather · 30/08/2011 11:22

Hello, have been a regular poster since my eldest daughter was born 4 years ago. Never expected to be starting a thread in bereavement.

I was 35 weeks pregnant last week when I stopped feeling regular movements. A frantic dash to the hospital ended with an emergency c section after a scan showed she was showing signs of a viral infection. They thought we gone in time but when they took her out she was much worse than they expected. She died after about 40mins. We spent 2 precious nights with her before having to leave her there and come home for our other daughter.

I am numb. I can't stop shaking. I hate myself everytime I close my eyes I see 4 red words on a white background 'you should have known'

I just want her back - she shouldn't have even been born yet

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 01/11/2011 13:37

Oh fantastic - so glad you like it - it's a work of art, isn't it? I've seen the photos from Knotty's link on a blanket thread (I contributed a very small part towards it). I hope it brings some small comfort to you and your family :).

crazynannawitchbitch · 01/11/2011 13:41

Knotty is ace Smile

Hope it brings you and K a little comfort,Whatever Smile

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 01/11/2011 13:56

She is ace crazynanna. Everyone involved is. It brings a huge amount of comfort to know so many people thought of Erin and took the time to knit and donate for us.

I started a thank you thread in chat hope everyone involved sees it x

OP posts:
blonderedhead · 02/11/2011 10:29

That sounds wonderful, hope the blanket brings you years of pleasure. I shed some tears when I read about it too.

Four4me · 02/11/2011 14:04

Have just seen the photos in chat, hope it brings you some comfort and memories of your brave Erin xxx

ExitPursuedByaBear · 04/11/2011 15:26

Just returned from holiday and came to your thread to see if you had the PM results. What truly shocking news for you. My thoughts are with you. The blanket is wonderful.

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 16/11/2011 10:55

Have been posting a lot in the bereaved mummies thread but have just been reading through this thread again and wanted to say a huge thank you for all your support since I started this. Reading back I can see how far I've come in the 12 weeks since Erin died. It feels like a lifetime and a heartbeat all at the same time.

If anyone wants to read it i've just set up a just giving page as our family wanted somewhere to donate in Erin's memory at Christmas Link is here

OP posts:
youarekidding · 16/11/2011 20:22

Hi, strange coincidence here. I am (BOOarehaunting) back to my normal name. On my FB page one of my friends linked to a just giving page. I thought it was you and came here and you have linked too. The person who posted it is Erins cousin (VR).

You may remember me as the person who lives down the road from you. Grin

Hope you are doing OK and the offer for coffee and a shoulder anytime you need it is still there.

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 16/11/2011 21:00

Youarekidding how very strange!! Are you COM? If so we have met! VR is my wonderful cousin and very best friend Smile

OP posts:
youarekidding · 16/11/2011 21:18

No I'm not. I do live in O fathers street! Or he did live here last I saw V! I'm JB and my sister is KB who has just had the little boy!! I remember talking to you about it because little Erin was due a few weeks before. My sister is the one who lives behind K's school!
I went to school with VR which makes me wonder if you went there too?

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 16/11/2011 21:49

PM'd you Smile

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByaBear · 16/11/2011 23:00

I love MN.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 20/11/2011 22:53

Hi whatever, I just read back into your posts and saw the PM results for Erin and your utter shock. (Ironically, you received her results the day we found out that Mia would have one too.) She was also very sick, unknown to us, with no symptoms. It is hard to believe that babies can be so sick and we don't know - now very sceptical about 'mother's intuition' or whatever it is supposed to be...

Thumbwitch · 30/11/2011 09:14

Whatever - just caught up with this thread and been to your JG page. :)

Hope you are doing ok - well, as well as can be expected. Much love to you all xx

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 30/11/2011 09:22

Oh Thumb are you AWB? You've got me crying again, how lovely of you Smile

I'm feeling a bit stronger each day with lots of wobbles along the way. Dreading Christmas but we will make it a good one for K and make sure Erin is very much part of the day too x

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 30/11/2011 09:39

Yep, that's me :) Sorry to set you off, lovely.
Yes I expect Christmas will be tough - the first ones always are. Do you have a star or an angel on top of your tree? Just thinking that could be Erin on top, looking down on you all during your day. xx

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 01/01/2012 01:34

Things I have learnt this year:

Never ever take anything for granted, life can change very quickly.
Listen to yourself; your instincts will nearly always be right.
That it is possible to function seemingly normally with a broken heart.
That I have a wonderful relationship that can withstand the hardest of times.
That love and support can come from the most unexpected sources.
That I have a lot of very lovely friends, new and old.
That my family is amazing.
That no matter what it is impossible not to smile and laugh with my beautiful Katie around.
That I love my children more than I ever thought possible.

2011 will always be Erin's year. She has taught me so much xx

OP posts:
RosemaryandThyme · 01/01/2012 02:03

Wishing you a calm sea in 2012

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 25/08/2012 21:22

Erin my darling girl, today is your first birthday. Not a day has gone by this past year where we haven't missed you, thought of you and loved you with all our hearts.

So much has happened that we wished you could have shared with us, you became a big sister 10 days ago when Holly was born. Katie misses you so much, I hope you get all her floaty kisses and see all the drawings she does for you. She's always on the look out for a white feather from you. As Daddy wrote in your card today, we know you are always with us, just as we carry you everywhere with us.

Beautiful baby Erin - always loved, never forgotten xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

OP posts:
McPhee · 25/08/2012 21:24

Much love xxxx

HorraceTheOtter · 25/08/2012 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crazynanna · 25/08/2012 21:40

I cannot believe it is a whole year, whatever Sad xx

Love to you xx

CouthyMow · 25/08/2012 21:46

Happy Birthday, Erin. Xxxx

MammyToMany · 25/08/2012 22:16

I have read your thread from the start in tears, your love for Erin shines through with every post and I am so sorry she couldn't stay with you. I am humbled by your strength and would like to wish your beautiful girl a happy birthday and also to say congratulations on the birth of Holly xx

frasersmummy · 25/08/2012 22:20

wtw.. I hope you got through today as well as could be expected and that you now have a glass of wine

we have been thinking of you all day and I have had a candle shining for your little daughter in Glasgow today

sending you all hugs