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Bereavement

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Original poster

My baby daughter died. I want her back

672 replies

Whatevertheweather · 30/08/2011 11:22

Hello, have been a regular poster since my eldest daughter was born 4 years ago. Never expected to be starting a thread in bereavement.

I was 35 weeks pregnant last week when I stopped feeling regular movements. A frantic dash to the hospital ended with an emergency c section after a scan showed she was showing signs of a viral infection. They thought we gone in time but when they took her out she was much worse than they expected. She died after about 40mins. We spent 2 precious nights with her before having to leave her there and come home for our other daughter.

I am numb. I can't stop shaking. I hate myself everytime I close my eyes I see 4 red words on a white background 'you should have known'

I just want her back - she shouldn't have even been born yet

OP posts:
wolfcubEm83 · 30/08/2011 14:13

Rest in peace beautiful angel

My DD is also called Erin, we will be praying for you all xxxx

pinkytheshrinky · 30/08/2011 14:18

I am so sorry about your baby girl Erin. Love from my family to yours,

x

electra · 30/08/2011 14:21

I'm so very sorry :( please try to be kind to yourself Xxx

QuickLookBusy · 30/08/2011 16:29

Whatevertheweather, it is so awful that your lovely daughter died.

You are not to blame and you really must believe that.

My sister had a daughter who also died this way. My sister got a lot of help from SANDS as others have mentioned. Please contact them when you can.

It is such early days, you will still be in shock so please try to let others look after you. My heart goes out to you and all your family.x

shabbapinkfrog · 30/08/2011 16:37

So very, very sad to hear about your precious little lady - Erin. xxx

I have walked the horrible crappy path you are beginning your journey on. No death so sad as that of a child. The early stages of grief for our precious children are so difficult - could I ask you (if you want to) to follow the link that Deemented put on this thread? A group of bereaved mums...we never judge each other, we cry, laugh, swear, scream and remember together - when one of us feels down and in need of help everybody rallys around. If you dont want to post but just want to read through thats fine as well. The support I have gained from these special ladies over the last few years has been amazing.

Please believe me when I say that you did everything you could. You couldn't have known what was going to happen. It is obvious from your post that your little girl was much loved. Sending my love from Lancashire xxxxxx

MmeLindor. · 30/08/2011 16:39

So sorry to hear about Erin.

StayFrosty · 30/08/2011 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 30/08/2011 17:35

I am in tears reading your lovely lovely messages. Thank you so much.

We have just got back from the funeral directors - it was awful, we are not using them they didn't even ask Erins name seemed as if they felt she was not a real person because lived such a short time. I do not trust them to take care of my precious girl. We have an appointment elsewhere tomorrow. It's awful as my elder dd starts her first day at school the week after next and would really like Erin laid to rest before then.

Oh god I ache to hold her again. My milk came flooding in yesterday but no baby to feed Sad She never even opened her eyes I just wish she'd seen us once. I can't sleep thinking how terrified she must have been in those 30mins.

Thank you Shabba and Deemented - I will certainly be reading that thread. I'm sorry for your losses too.

We are lucky we have amazing RL support but no-one (luckily) who really knows what we are going through. We took over 100 photos of her but already seems like not enough.

OP posts:
PGTip · 30/08/2011 17:36

So desperately sorry for your loss

aftereight · 30/08/2011 17:44

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Wishing you the strength to make it through the coming weeks and months and beyond x

bibbitybobbityhat · 30/08/2011 17:47

What an awful, terrible tragedy. Am thinking of you. xx.

levantine · 30/08/2011 17:53

Oh I am so so sorry and sad for you, sending love xxx

OverthehillsandfarawayNL · 30/08/2011 17:53

I am so sorry to read about Erin's death. How terrible for you all. Please don't hate yourself. Any one of us could have been in your shoes and you did what you could.

Erin knew your heartbeat every day of her little life. She will have felt your love and she died wrapped up in it. I don't think she will have been scared. She will have been very poorly and sleepy but not scared as we would understand it. So sorry the funeral directors were unhelpful. You are absolutely right to go with another firm. Have you had any contact from the hospital chaplain? They are usually very experienced with parents who have lost little ones and can be very helpful in making arrangements.

Avantia · 30/08/2011 17:57

So very sorry for your loss . Erin is a lovely name.

I have no advice to give , have not been in your situation but just wanted to say how sorry I am .

I hope you have your answers soon as to what happened.

x

RainySmallHands · 30/08/2011 18:00

Oh, whatevertheweather, I am so very sorry.

You couldn't possibly know. And the time you spent with Erin was so very important. Even if your beautiful girl never got the chance to see you, she would've known your voice and your touch.

My heart breaks for you and your family Sad

Curlybug · 30/08/2011 18:00

Im so sorry for you and your family. It is so unfair.
I lost my little boy 3 months ago and things were completely unreal then. Its really really not your fault at all - you wouldnt have hurt her. Ive found a lot of help from SANDS. Also follow the links above - it helps to talk to others.
Take care xx

carminagoesprimal · 30/08/2011 18:02

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your daughter -

Sending you and your family love and strength.

xx

Queenofthehill · 30/08/2011 18:05

My tears and prayers for you and beautiful Erin. You did all you could to help her. Thinking of you and your family x

Catslikehats · 30/08/2011 18:08

I'm so sorry Sad

Please don't blame yourself. It makes no sense but no one was to blame.

It does get easier. It never goes away but the pain disipates. You wont believe me now but there will be a time when you wake up and don't feel like you have been punched in the stomach.

SANDS are an amazing organisation and have provided me with enormous comfort since I lost my little boy 25 mths.

Wishing you well.

QOD · 30/08/2011 18:12

I'm sorry :(

She still is a niece, grandaughter etc - my neice Georgie was born sleeping nearly 14 yrs ago now - she is still in our hearts and lives x

bluebump · 30/08/2011 18:14

I'm sorry for your loss. Erin is a lovely name. I'm glad you took so many photos, it's always been a regret of mine that we didn't take enough when our DS died. I'll be thinking of you in the coming weeks.

AnnaThePenguin · 30/08/2011 18:14

Oh my love I am so so sorry Sad Words just aren't enough but I will light a candle for Erin xxx

BerryLellow · 30/08/2011 18:19

I'm so sorry to read this, how absolutely devastating :(

Wishing you peace and strength now, and for the future

God bless, Erin x

fannybanjo · 30/08/2011 18:20

My thoughts are with you and your family. You are suffering something a parent should never have to suffer. Life doesn't seem fair.

TheGoddessBlossom · 30/08/2011 18:21

Whatever the weather. Tears in my eyes for you and your family. What a much loved and longed for little girl, how lucky she is to have a mummy like you - because you are and will always be her mummy and she will always be your little girl.

Well done you for looking after her interests so well, and you are absolutely right not to use that funeral company if they are not showing the correct and appropriate level of care and understanding.

It's very early days. Be stong. You are in a tunnel right now, and i am glad you have family to cling to. Of course 100 photos will never be enough but she will be in your hearts and minds forever.

Love to you.

Bloss