Love, like starlight, never dies... Our precious children sparkling in the sky xx

[CazandBelle]

"Small was feeling grim and dark. He was playing toss and fling and bang and crash. Break and snap and bash and batter. Small said ?I?m a grim and grumpy little small and nobody loves me at all?. ?Oh Small,? said Large. ?Grumpy or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said, ?If I was a grizzly bear would you still love me would you still care?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bear or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said ?But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bug or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

?No matter what?? said Small, and smiled, ?What if I was a crocodile?? Large said ?I?d hug you close and hold you tight and tuck you up in bed at night?.
?Does love wear out? said Small, ?does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?? ?Oh help,? said Large ?I?m not that clever I just know I?ll love you forever?.

Small said ?but what about when you?re dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?? Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

?Small look at the stars ? how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies?.

NO MATTER WHAT by Debi Gliori

Missing my beautiful Belle, a year to the day we placed her to bed in her garden. Mummy and Daddy love you, always. To the moon and back xxx

Morning girls xx

Morning folkses.

Fingers crossed that today is the day that Xander makes his much longed for appearance. Hope Caz will be having newborn snuggles with him very very soon.

Morning. Hope all goes well today Dee. What time is your scan?

9.40am. Am just out of the shower and having my morning cup of char to help me come around. I have the diabetic consultant afterwards, and then i'm taking MIL to a different hospital for an appointment, then i'm taking manshape up to see his son, picking DS2 up from school, going to visit my dad, then picking manshape up, and finally coming home. Not expecting to be i much before 7pm tonight! Busy busy day!

morning all! thinking of you today Dee! I'm sure your scan will be lovely! And totally not like mine, as that was when we found out Sterre had died. Let us know how it's been when you have the time today!

thinking of Caz and family. Hope Xander will make his screaming appearance soon! Can't be easy for her being in labour that long!

Hello lovely ladies. Xander is still an inside baby...

Started having lots of pain last night that felt very real to me but turns out it was 'only' the propess hormone thing kicking in. Despite me puffing through what really felt like regular strong contractions. After about 5 hours it eased off and now I have just dull background period pain... Hope when they examine me in a while the pain at least was moving things down there in the right direction and the next part of process can begin and work quickly! wishful thinking.

This boy appears to be in no rush :-( but at least he is happy and coping very well!

Really starting to pray this won't drag out for 5 days as it did with Belle. Not quite sure exactly how long I will keep my rational head on for!

Hope my next update is an outside baby....

good luck Caz ... come on Xander we want to see your lovely face and chubby cheeks! tiny hands and tiny feet! haven't they shown you where the exit is yet?

blue please can you do me a favour and copy my post to prayer and November. So slow typing on phone and can't figure out to copy and paste!! x

Morning ladies xx

Good luck caz not long now. Maybe he needs satnav!! I will be listening for the scream. You are doing so well we are all proud of you xx

of course Caz will do! lots of love !

I am so sorry you find yourself here *chipmonkey, I can honestly not think what to say to you at the moment but you will find love and support here. I have had so much comfort from all the lovely ladies here. You can shout and scream as much as you like and there is always someone to listen and no-one will judge you. take care and keep posting xx

Good luck dee hope all goes well. Please look after yourself and not wear yourself out running around after others too much. xx

Have a hug cheese xxx

Good luck, Caz. Cannot wait to see the first pics of you with Xander

Dee
Good luck with the scan today

Hi whatever I agree with shabs and ilike about dreams. They can be so disturbing but also sometimes comforting. You are going through the worst possible thing that can happen, I think when we sleep our minds go into overdrive. I am glad you have found us and we will try to support you in the days and weeks to come. xx

Thanks for the uopdate Caz ive been wondering how you were getting on. I hope the propess kicks in properly very soon and Xander arrives

Hello ladies. Would it be OK if I quietly sit here too please? I have been lurking since I found you a month or so ago, and just wish I had found you when my baby boy, Jack, was born sleeping (31st Oct 2002).
Anyway, it has got to the point where it feels rude to lurk without asking if it's OK xx

hi parttimedomesticgoddess sitting quietly is certainly allowed :) welcome here!
please do tell us about your little angel Jack when you feel ready! He was born sleeping 6 years before my DD1 was born... Almost coming up to his 9th angel birthday then!

Thank you blue It is nice to be here.
Now I am ashamed as it is his 10th angel birthday coming up - it was 2001 not 2002! It's hard to believe it was that long ago, and in truth I work it out from the age of my DD1 born 16 months later. Although she (and DD2, now 5) felt like they healed a lot of my pain, I find myself thinking about him a lot more lately. I think it was possibly related to the very premature birth of my nephew a month ago (who is still not having an easy time of it), although it's very different it seemed to bring a lot of things back too.

Chip although I am new to MN, I was also very, very sad to hear about your baby girl. I wish there was something more to say

dh had a dream last night where dd came to him and said "I'm OK, Dada, I'm happy" My Dad was in the background but didn't speak.
I so hope it was really her.

Still on tenterhooks for Caz

parttime welcome but sorry to see you here :(

caz been thinking of you, hoping baby Xander joins you soon :)

chip I hope your dreams bring you some comfort, hugs x

Off to the hospital after with ds2, hopefully he'll get his cast off today!

chip that is a very nice dream! I'm sure Sylvie-Rose is ok and happily playing with all our angel children! :)

Hello lovely ladies, both new and old.
I heard from Shabs the other day so thought I would pop by and say hello, particularly as this week is babyloss awareness week.
I have just looked through the last couple of pages of this thread and see more new people. It breaks my heart to remember what you are all going through.
And for those expecting a Rainbow Baby, it breaks my heart to remember how hard it is to stay positive and full of hope that this little one will stay with you.
One of my good friends contacted me the other day as one of her colleagues had just lost her dd at term. She asked me what they could do for her. I told her to not be afraid to speak her colleagues daughters name, and to give her my name and number if she thought it would help. In my opinion, nothing can make it better but maybe things can make it less worse, IYSWIM?
I was wondering, does anyone on this thread ever go to the Sands Lights of Love services?

Hey feedmenow.... I think of you and Eris often. She would have been what 4 now?? and how is little one ..?

I personally dont like sands.. my local group seemed very depressing.. yes we all talk of our darling children here but there is laughter here too and words of encouragment.

I felt my local sands was just who could be the most sad...

so the answer is no I dont go to the service but my mum has a light lit on the local hospice xmas tree every year in Fraser's honour .. we get a card to say a light is shining for him and i put it up with my xmas cards. when i take the cards down I put frasers card in his memory box. It reminds me of one of his hyms.. jesus bids us shine

Anyway not sure if you talking to me when you posted cos I am neither new or "old".... .. yes fm is denial about her age!!"

So good to see you FMN - xxxx

Eris would be 4 in March FM. I can't believe it really. As I'm sure you all know, it seems like a lifetime in one breath and the blink of an eye in the next. I'm still waiting to be "over" it, or to at least feel acceptance, but I haven't got there yet and truthfully don't think I ever will be. In the early days I think I thought that it was her actual death that caused the grief and that as time passed my feelings of grief would therefore mellow. But I've only just really realised that her actual death was pretty much the easy bit, and it's the time that has passed since and the time ahead of me that is where my grief really is. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone?

DD3 is doing alright at the moment. You know she was in hospital in April for a bowel obstruction caused by the scar tissue from her original op? Well she's recovered well and is her normal feisty self! We were told at the time of the latest op that it would likely happen again, but at her consultation in July he compared it to the the liklehood of a coconut falling on my head

Hi fmn I am not new but I am quite old. My son died suddenly April last year. I think Shabs said that you started this thread. I would like to thank you
I will always be grateful for the love and support I have had from all the lovely mums here. Only a mother who has lost a child can ever understand how painful life is afterwards. xx