Love, like starlight, never dies... Our precious children sparkling in the sky xx

[CazandBelle]

"Small was feeling grim and dark. He was playing toss and fling and bang and crash. Break and snap and bash and batter. Small said ?I?m a grim and grumpy little small and nobody loves me at all?. ?Oh Small,? said Large. ?Grumpy or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said, ?If I was a grizzly bear would you still love me would you still care?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bear or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said ?But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bug or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

?No matter what?? said Small, and smiled, ?What if I was a crocodile?? Large said ?I?d hug you close and hold you tight and tuck you up in bed at night?.
?Does love wear out? said Small, ?does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?? ?Oh help,? said Large ?I?m not that clever I just know I?ll love you forever?.

Small said ?but what about when you?re dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?? Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

?Small look at the stars ? how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies?.

NO MATTER WHAT by Debi Gliori

Missing my beautiful Belle, a year to the day we placed her to bed in her garden. Mummy and Daddy love you, always. To the moon and back xxx

Sending love to your family today tw and happy birthday Harry. A candle will be lit here tonight for you all xx

happy birthday harry thinkging of you TW.

Hope everyone is well. Been thinking of you all.

Just thought id pop in and let you all know that DS2 was born at 36+4 on tuesday night. After my waters breaking monday afternoon and an induction 26 hours later. Hes adorable and we were discharged from hospital yesterday afternoon as hes feeding well and maintaining his temperature

Congratulations shelley wonderful news xx

Congratulations Shelley.....welcome to the world little man. xxxxx

Thank you everyone for thinking of me and Harry , it does really help . Sorry I am not around much any more , I will try harder .

Lots of love to you all xx

Can I sit here quietly again please?

It was a year ago today we had our scan and were told Bobbie had died. Her birthday on Sunday. We've just been to the hospital's baby remembrance service which was very perfectly today. It all hurts so much.

tw happy birthday to your little man xx

Spilt big hugs to you xxx

oh spilt big hugs for you! It must be so painful thinking back about those moments! I can still replay those moments in my head every now and again! How are you and little Freya doing?

tw I hope you had a gentle day today thinking about Harry's birthday! x

We've chosen the design for Sterre's memorial stone today. Hopefully it will be ready in time for her due date 3rd of November. It hurt, but it also felt good to be able to do something for her.

shelley Congratulations!

Morning girls xx

Thanks both. We're doing well thanks blue. Freya started smiling for us a few weeks ago and we had her first giggle last week. Gorgeous.

We too have finally just got round to organising the memorial stone. It's a granite slab, and we'll have the SANDS quote on there "Always loved, never forgotten".

Congratulations shelley on your lovely new arrival

happy birthday harry ... hope today passes peacefully for you tw..I will light candle for your darling boy

Thank you all for your kind words in the last few days ...hubby is fine and back home.. so thats a big relief and mum is stable for the moment

I have met with the consultant .. he was useless .. i think his attitude is reflected in the fact mum is in and out .. he didnt even know that she was in last week....!!!!!!
I am now going to see about a change of hospital....the chest consultant there gets a great name and hubby was treated so much better there than mum has ever been

Sending love to you all. and congratulations shelley. I'm trying to keep up with my MN threads but there is so much going on.

I've just spent another night in hospital but home again now.

Went in for my monitoring as normal yesterday afternoon and even though all the tightenings were not really bothering me anymore than normal (apart from period pain, but it wasn't severe at this point) the midwife was concerned because they were regularity of contractions. Anyway, she didn't want to send me home until a Dr had seen me, Dr examined me and discovered I'm 1cm dilated after being tightly shut when I was discharged 2 weeks ago. So obviously all the ongoing pre-labour symptoms have been doing something slowly! So Dr, concerned I might be starting to labour wanted to keep me over night for observation.

The internal really aggravated everything and I have had spotting, and awful pains coming in waves since. Especially radiating around to my back and peaking there before subsiding. A one point last night it did feel kinda real and I had DH rubbing my back while I breathed through it on him. Anyway, 2am things got better.

They let me home again this morning, but the pains haven't really stopped. They seem to subside quite a lot when I'm sat quietly and become a dull ache in the background, as soon as I do anything they are really there again. Sooo the hospital think I might be very very slowly beginning to labour.

I reckon we're still hanging on until Tuesday though so don't get excited. Lets just hope it'll mean a very quick induction! :D I'm so ready for him to born now, my nerves really cannot take much more.

Been finishing the nesting since I've been home. Its so weird, and scary seeing car seat and stuff in the car. I hope we haven't done these things too soon. Even now everything we do is tinged with "what if it isn't needed" fear.

I almost feel angry that the ability to enjoy anything in this pregnancy without that tinge has been taken away from us. Poor Xander, I've just worried this entire pregnancy away.

So so close, yet still so far.

Shelley that's such wonderful news, congragulations! xx

Everlong what a beautiful dream you had :)

spilt (hugs) thinking of you, a year...seems so long yet it doesn't feel that long at all. I can still remember the day we found out Scarlett had died so vivedly, I think I always will. I hope you get through these difficult days xxx

fm glad dh is home. I really hope you get somewhere with the hospitals, it's awful that your poor mum is in and out like that when she clearly shouldn't be.

caz been thinking of you and hoping you were still ok. Hopefully your induction will go smoothly, seems you're definitely on the way!

My consultant appointments went well on Friday and I got to see the dietitician too which was helpful. Insulin was upped but the blood tests were all fine she said, borderline and they'll repeat in 2 weeks but she's not worried about them at the moment :o hugely relieved at that, couldn't bear the thought of even more things wrong.

I've been up and down a lot, strange but I think it must be the time of year. Scarlett's 1 year anniversary and birthday are coming up and if I dwell too long on everything it overwhelms me so I'm trying to keep busy still. I do get the ups and downs in a day more often than I had been but that must be normal too. Sometimes it still feels so surreal, like it didn't really happen to me yet I know that it did. I guess it's a long, slow road we are all travelling. I'm so glad to have all you lovely ladies here though, it's been a real lifeline. When noone else understands, you all do and I really thank you for all that; even the oppportunity to write it all down helps a lot xxx

Morning girls xx

Hi ladies xx

hang on caz remember I want to hear Zander screaming here in Cornwall xxxx

Our new baby grandson is doing very well in OZ xx

Morning girls xx

hey there

things are stabilising here for a little while....dh is home and fine and mum is stable in hospital so i feel I can breathe again for a few days.

I am hoping the status quo will remain so I can get away to the borders at the weekend and spend our school week in splendid isolation with a good book some wine and a roaring fire ...

I will worry about the next stage of mum's care when I get back

Glad things sound more like they are on an 'even keel' FM....sometimes, everything seems to come at once doesn't it?

At lunchtime today, I held a 3 year olds hand, I walked down a road I have walked down a thousand times and took that little 3 year old for a trial run at nursery. All the way down the path he chattered away and I fought back the tears. I used to walk down that road every day, with Matt and Danny. I would take Danny to primary school and then go around the corner to take Matt into nursery. Its the same road, the same nursery but its not my Matt...its my precious Lew. Really, really struggled today. But, as usual, I had a face like this xx

oh shabbs big hugs for you! well done for being so strong and taking Lew to nursery!

Fm glad thinks are somehow settling!

I'm having it quite difficult emotionally these days, as I should have been quite heavily pregnant by now, counting down for our little girl's arrival and all I can do now is visit her grave :( Saw a mum with a newborn baby bringing her toddler to playgroup this morning, and felt so sad I can't do that for my eldest DD...
hopefully one day...

caz i hope the induction goes well. I just had little twinges before mine and it took about 5/6 hours for things to start a little bit but when the contractions started it was really quick. They couldnt time my labour. Hope it all goes well xxx

Just popping on to wish Xander a safe and speedy delivery I will be thinking of you cazxx

spilt hugs to you. Freya sounds adorable.

shelleylou congratualtions x.

Congratulations on the arrival of ds2 Shelley. Welcome to the world little man.

Glad to hear your mum and dh are doing well FM. Your mums consultant sounds like a bloody waste of space. Wine, book and roaring fire sound like heaven, enjoy your holiday.

Good luck for tomorrow Caz. You are going to meet your son. How amazing. Believe it. All will be fine.

What a day Shabs. You deserve a bloody medal for making that walk. Remember that next time you make that walk we are all holding your hand xx

{{tinker bell}} that must have been so hard for you today. The what ifs and should have beens are tough.

Thank you Ilike - I hadn't given the journey a second thought.....we were struggling with the weather when we were walking. Driving rain and very strong winds. I glanced down at Lew.....bright red anorak on and his woolly hat....just a few red curls escaping out of the hat and massive blue eyes staring up at me. He was chattering away and we were dodging puddles. It was like watching a dream. Who would think that almost 20 years since Matt died, that grief would bite my bum so hard?