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Bereavement

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Love, like starlight, never dies... Our precious children sparkling in the sky xx

984 replies

CazandBelle · 28/06/2011 11:13

"Small was feeling grim and dark. He was playing toss and fling and bang and crash. Break and snap and bash and batter. Small said ?I?m a grim and grumpy little small and nobody loves me at all?. ?Oh Small,? said Large. ?Grumpy or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said, ?If I was a grizzly bear would you still love me would you still care?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bear or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said ?But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bug or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

?No matter what?? said Small, and smiled, ?What if I was a crocodile?? Large said ?I?d hug you close and hold you tight and tuck you up in bed at night?.
?Does love wear out? said Small, ?does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?? ?Oh help,? said Large ?I?m not that clever I just know I?ll love you forever?.

Small said ?but what about when you?re dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?? Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

?Small look at the stars ? how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies?.

NO MATTER WHAT by Debi Gliori

Missing my beautiful Belle, a year to the day we placed her to bed in her garden. Mummy and Daddy love you, always. To the moon and back xxx

OP posts:
CheeseandGherkins · 05/10/2011 10:58

Morning. I'm waiting to see my consultant on Friday as some blood tests came back abnormal for me, thyroid ones but I don't know what it really means yet or what (if anything) they need to do. I'm on insulin 3 times a day now as well, one way to overcome my fear of needles. I've been quite anxious lately and trying to keep my mind off things, still not able to get up to much as ds2 is in a cast for at least another 2 weeks but he's not feeling as much pain which is good.

I'm 16+4 now, still can't believe that. I think about Scarlett everyday and what could have been. We had something a little strange happen yesterday.

When dh had some baking potatoes cooking in the microwave yesterday he opened it up to turn them again (had already done so a few times) and the keyring I bought him for Father's day just fell out of it. It's one with Scarlett's hand and footprint on and her name which had fell off the keyring a few weeks ago. We'd looked for it everywhere but assumed it had fallen off outside the house and I was going to get another ordered.

It's quite large as well this one. Probably just a coincidence but it's really odd I thought as it definitely wasn't in there before, it would have damaged the microwave and the keys aren't put in the kitchen either. They hang straight up on a hook next to the front door. We're right between the day she died and the day she was born too but 10 months ago (2nd and 6th).

FM I hope your Mum is doing ok and poor dh as well! You've been through so much, I really hope things improve for you.

Dee how are things going for you?

shabs hope you're doing well x

deemented · 05/10/2011 13:21

Cheese - wow. That sounds so much like a sign from Scarlett. I hope you managed to find some peace within it.

It sounds like things are tough for you at the moment, wrt the diabetes/ your health. I'm glad that the hospital are looking after you well.

I'm ok. Up to 20 units of insulin morning and night now. I'm 19+4 today, and i have my anomaly scan in a weeks time.

FM - she was a right ould battleaxeer. I can't say i ever really got on with her, but she was my gran, yunno? I hope things are better today for your DH and your mum.

Bluetinkerbell · 05/10/2011 13:50

wow dee that is going so quick!

frasersmummy · 05/10/2011 20:38

bloody hell.. mum comes home. trips on the way into the house and decides she cant getup..... I get the call and she is lying on the floorof the front hall wheezing....

Really why did the hospital send her home in this state.. really why ????

Hubby seems ok but they are doing more tests

Right I am sorry for ranting on here .. its not really the place but I know I will get tea and sympathy here

deemented · 05/10/2011 20:45

Oh no, FM - how is she now? Is she back in? You poor love, you need someone to be looking after you for a change. Please don't burn yourself out, my lovely x

shabbapinkfrog · 05/10/2011 20:57

Oh love - everything seems to happen at once doesn't it? I agree that hospitals are too quick to discharge patients. I hope everything improves very quickly for you and your family. You must come on here and say whatever you think about whatever subject you want to. We are all friends now and we are not just bereaved Mums - we are survivors...totally strong women....we are sisters, daughters, granddaughters, etc etc. I am happy to listen to any amount of ranting and raving Smile

Bluetinkerbell · 05/10/2011 21:03

here you go fm Brew or even better have some Wine Wink

CheeseandGherkins · 05/10/2011 21:26

FM oh that's terrible, how is she now and how are you? You must be so worried and all over the place (hugs).

dee I'm still on a low does, 2 before breakfast, 2 before lunch and 3 before dinner. I've not got a date for the anomaly scan yet but I'm worried about that. Our 20 week one with Scarlett showed she had echo genic bowels and it was downhill all the way from there really. I'm so scared that it will show something wrong. I don't know what to think half the time, everything seems to be happening at once all the time and if I stop to think I get overwhelmed by it all.

shabbapinkfrog · 06/10/2011 06:48

Morning girls xx

Bluetinkerbell · 06/10/2011 08:39

Morning all!

Anyone watching Cbeebies and see/heard the bedtime hour advert they've got? the background music to that 'Twinkle twinkle' is Sterre's song, we played it at her funeral, and everytime DD sees the advert she says: that's Sterre's and my song :) makes me heart glow with warmth

CheeseandGherkins · 06/10/2011 09:48

Morning. Anyone else feel like they're putting a face on to others? I feel like I'm expected to be happy and "normal" at the moment when I feel like I'm crumbling to be honest. I've been feeling a lot more movement and while I grin manically when I do, I'm starting to feel more and more anxious as I realise again what we could lose. So many weeks to go yet and I feel so scared.

That's lovely blue (hugs) it's a beautiful song. x

shabbapinkfrog · 06/10/2011 11:52

I pin my 'face' on both in the house and outside. Sometimes it gets so difficult that I have a melt down.....even when I have a melt down I go somewhere on my own so I dont upset anyone else....WHY?? Wish I knew the answer. You are bound to feel very anxious love. xx

lavandes · 06/10/2011 15:03

Afternoon ladies xx

I know exactly what you mean cheese If there were Oscars for this we would all win. Sometimes I go to work and am nice to customers while thinking 'how the fuck on earth do I get through this shift. (excuse language) xx

Everlong · 06/10/2011 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frasersmummy · 06/10/2011 22:17

mum took a bad turn again this mornng and was re-admitted less than 24 hours after being sent home

I have had enough I want a second opinion... i mean my mum was unconscious when the ambulance arrived for ffs

hubby is ok...but stuck in hosp waiting results... and of course to make life easier they are in different hosps!!!

so yeah my face is pasted on every day

shabbapinkfrog · 06/10/2011 22:32

Oh darling....Sad Im so sorry to hear about your Mum having to go back in. Will be keeping you close in my heart and in my thoughts xxx

DawnOfTheDeementedDead · 07/10/2011 06:35

Oh fm, i'm so sorry to hear that. It's so difficult for you right now. I wish i was closer so i could help out a little or give you a hand with something. Huge huge (cwtches) being sent your way. Thinking of you, my lovely.

shabbapinkfrog · 07/10/2011 06:44

Morning girls xx

DawnOfTheDeementedDead · 07/10/2011 06:45

Morning Shabbs - hows you this morning?

lavandes · 07/10/2011 07:25

Morning ladiesxx

I am so sorry you are having such a horrible time FM. I don't think that the care of the elderly is anything like it should be.We had a dreadful time when my Mum was in hospital. They were going to move her to the first available nursing home space in Cornwall, which could have been 2hours drive from me (and I don't drive!).
My brother and I went to the hospital armed with notes on a clipboard and asked to speak to the most important person in the hospital. Things changed after that, I told them I would lie down in front of the ambulance if necessary. They waited until there was a place in a nursing home just 5 mins from us, I found it myself and arranged everything.The NHS care of the elderly hopeless. I hope your husband is soon well and that you can have some peace. xx

shabbapinkfrog · 07/10/2011 07:40

.......Im putting one foot in front of the other today Dee.....and not forgetting to breathe xxx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 07/10/2011 08:03

So sorr to hear about your mum FM. Much like Lavandes mentioned, I would suggest you request a meeting with the consultant and have a list of questions prepared. Your poor mum seems to be bouncing to and from hospital, it's like they're treating the symptoms but not the cause, and if they cant treat the cause then what can be done at home to limit the hospitalisations.

Today is TW's Harry's birthday. Happy birthday Harry, you and yours are in my thoughts today. A candle will be lit here tonight. {{TW}}

CheeseandGherkins · 07/10/2011 08:21

Morning. Consultant, well two of them, this morning. Hoping the blood tests that came back abnormal aren't that bad and that I won't need anything else. I'm so nervous I feel sick.

shabs I'm the same, I just can't break down in front of people. It's hard to even be truthful with the midwives mostly, they ask how I am and I'm always "fine" which doesn't really help me as they don't know how awful I'm feeling so can't help!

lavandes don't worry about the language at all. It's so hard isn't it

Everlong yep that gets on my nerves too, I was only saying to dh last night that I'd love a nice dull life!

FM I'm so sorry about your poor Mum :( I think you definitely need a second opinion, they's no way they should be letting her home like that :( You must be run ragged right now. Wish I could help :( xx

ILike I'll light a candle for Harry too. Will be Scarlett's first birthday in December, I don't know where the time has gone :(

Have to dash now, hope everyone is managing to get by today xx

shabbapinkfrog · 07/10/2011 08:24

Awwwwww - Happy Birthday to Harry....Will light a candle for your little man TW. xx

DawnOfTheDeementedDead · 07/10/2011 12:43

Happy Birthday Harry - thinking of you today, TW x

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