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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Love, like starlight, never dies... Our precious children sparkling in the sky xx

984 replies

CazandBelle · 28/06/2011 11:13

"Small was feeling grim and dark. He was playing toss and fling and bang and crash. Break and snap and bash and batter. Small said ?I?m a grim and grumpy little small and nobody loves me at all?. ?Oh Small,? said Large. ?Grumpy or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said, ?If I was a grizzly bear would you still love me would you still care?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bear or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said ?But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bug or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

?No matter what?? said Small, and smiled, ?What if I was a crocodile?? Large said ?I?d hug you close and hold you tight and tuck you up in bed at night?.
?Does love wear out? said Small, ?does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?? ?Oh help,? said Large ?I?m not that clever I just know I?ll love you forever?.

Small said ?but what about when you?re dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?? Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

?Small look at the stars ? how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies?.

NO MATTER WHAT by Debi Gliori

Missing my beautiful Belle, a year to the day we placed her to bed in her garden. Mummy and Daddy love you, always. To the moon and back xxx

OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 03/10/2011 06:46

Morning girls xx

Caz - hang in their sweetheart - you are doing a great job. Tears, sobbing and screaming are all very much allowed. xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 03/10/2011 20:12

Tom is doing a Music GCSE - he loves music and sings all the time. The teacher has picked this out as one of the songs he will be singing at a concert. She thinks his voice is suited to it. I have no idea why but it reminded me of our special thread. I had to put it on here for you all to listen.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 03/10/2011 20:32

I remember the conflicting emotions after M was born (I was more prepared when I was born I think). Pure elation that we were a family again, then pure guilt for being so happy again. I remember being very up and down after M was born.

After M and I were born we took them to C's grave. I'm not sure why, it seemed right. Almost like an introduction, even though I don't feel C there. Gawd, my head must be a psychologists wet dream!

You're on the final stretch. Remember have hope and take it easy.

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 03/10/2011 20:42

Wow, that's a big gap between you and your next sibling Dee. And the size of your extended family? Wowzers. I come from such a small family in comparison.

I love that song Shabs. It's very melancholy isn't it?

After writing the above post, I realised that I have had two babies since being on this thread. Obviously it's not a complete surprise to me, I just hadn't thought about it before. This thread and you darling ladies have seen me through thick and thin. The early months of my grief, my two pregnancies, births and babies, and of course my on going grief which is still evolving and changing. Thank you for always being here xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 03/10/2011 20:48

ILike - no idea why but I had to put it on this thread - its beautiful. He has to learn 4 songs and then next Spring they are putting on a concert in the evening at school. He has a lovely voice. He's sat here at the moment with the headphones plugged into the computer practicing the Green Day song....he is totally lost in the music and sounds great.

I was trying to figure out how many years this thread has been going and I think it is 4 years.....anybody know for sure? I can remember FMN starting it after she lost her precious little girl. xxx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 03/10/2011 21:10

I don't know for sure, but M just turned 3 and I was pg with him when I joined the thread. It will be C's 4th remember day next month, then I got pg with M the following month. So I reckon that the thread will be 4yo in the coming New Year.

Did you follow that brain dump of mine? Blush

shabbapinkfrog · 03/10/2011 21:32

Totally followed it - thats how I remember stuff LOL.

Yes I think you are right - Im sure its almost 4 years. xx

Bluetinkerbell · 03/10/2011 21:37

waw ladies! so very impressed by how long this thread has been going for! that is truly amazing! I have only joined MN beginning of this year and it has been such a support for me throughout what I've been through! I wouldn't know what I have done without it!
Thanks

shabbapinkfrog · 03/10/2011 22:28

Just spoken to FMN on Facebook - Eris was born on the 11th March, 2008 and she started our thread a few days later. So it is 4 years soon. FMN and her precious little girl have brought so many of us together - thank God xxxx

deemented · 04/10/2011 06:11

Wow, that long? I feel honoured to have been part of this thread. Similarly to ilike i'm having my second baby since being here. I remember being pregnant with T and having such conflicted emotions because he was a boy - you all talked such sense into me. Now the only thing that matters is that i get to bring this baby home with me.

I didn't mention it the other day, but Saturday it was seven years since we buried Ciaran. How i wish he could be here to meet his new brother or sister. Sometimes i get angry that time seems to be taking me away from him - does that make any sense whatsoever?

Anyway, i'm wittering now. So i'll shut up.

Love to you all x

shabbapinkfrog · 04/10/2011 06:44

Morning girls xx

Your feelings make total sense Dee. Soon it will be 30 years since Gareth died and 20 years since Matt was killed. Both events seem to have happened yesterday. Time does seem to take them further away. For me, the longing to see them again for just 10 minutes, is my strongest emotion. xxxx

deemented · 04/10/2011 06:58

Oh god, yes. I would give anything, absolutely anything just to be able to hold Ciaran again, to feel him in my arms, to breathe his scent in, and to kiss his tiny rosebud lips. Of course, the agony would be when i had to give him back... but hell, i've been through it before, so i would do it again, if only i could have him back here for a short time.

shabbapinkfrog · 04/10/2011 07:13

Oh yes - I want to see how my boys would look now. Would they be tall like Dan, would Gareth still have his red curls, would Matt still be a cheeky devil Smile and, most importantly, I would be able to say Goodbye properly...not like before....when I could only say it after they had died. xxx

lavandes · 04/10/2011 07:47

Morning ladies xx

Just catching up. It was my 60th birthday on Saturday. We had a meal at a restaurant by the sea for family and friends (29) and loads of workmates who had gone to a wedding up the road popped in for a drink. I was overwhelmed by how brilliant everyone was. We had a collection for the Precious Lives Appeal, who are building a children's hospice in our town and raised £100. It was the charity we had for Richard's memorial and we will ask them to add it to that, I felt it included him. I feel I have 'jumped another hurdle'.

shabs I am sitting here with tears, Richard bought me that Greenday cd for Mothers Day a few years ago. His friends were buying flowers and chocolates and thought it hilarious that he was buying me a rock group cd. xx

I would give anything just to be able to say goodbye xx

Also thanks Rich for making my birthday the hottest October 1st on record. xx

shabbapinkfrog · 04/10/2011 07:50

Sounds like a wonderful day Lavendes - and 'yes' I think you jumped another hurdle. Well done you xxx

I have never listened to Greenday before - when Tom said he was going to put his headphones on and rehearse the song I knew I had to put it on here. Its wonderful. I hope I didn't upset you. Maybe your lovely lad had a hand in my decision? xx

lavandes · 04/10/2011 08:05

No shabs you haven't upset me, just brought back memories. Greenday are great they do a lot of different songs, some rock and some ballads like that one. Listen to 'Boulevard of broken Dreams' it is lovely. xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 04/10/2011 08:50

Happy birthday Lavandes. Sounds like you had a great night Smile

I know what you mean about time taking them further away Dee. I'm glad that my grief is no longer all consuming and raw like it was nearly four years ago, but it also means my happy memories of C aren't quite so sharp as they were. I used to be able to close my eyes and feel his weight in my lap, and feel him holding onto my bangle that I always wear. I haven't felt that for a while now ......... Maybe I need some time, just me and my thoughts.

Bluetinkerbell · 04/10/2011 21:26

what an emotional day I had today. A lovely lady from MN has donated us some money so I can order a nice memorial stone for Sterre. So today I had to sit down and choose the wording to go on it. I sat and went through her memory box, read the prayers people had written at her funeral. Had a good cry and a cuddle with her teddy bear. I never thought I ever had to do that, choose those kind of words for my child.
DD and I were cuddled up on the sofa earlier watching Cbeebies and we both fell asleep, think the emotions got to me.

shabbapinkfrog · 04/10/2011 21:49

Oh Blue - what a wonderful gesture - really wonderful xxxxx

frasersmummy · 04/10/2011 22:15

please someone tell me why life is bloody hard

a week past sunday mum was rushed into hosp again and they told me she wouldnt make it through the night

She confounded them all and is coming home tomorrow

Just as dh starts coughing up blood ... and is admitted to a different hosp..jesus havent I gone through enough

sorry for the rant

shabbapinkfrog · 04/10/2011 22:17

Oh rant away FMammy x So wish that I lived closer to you and could help in some way. Sometimes it feels like someone is singling us out for all this crap doesn't it? If its that God bloke - he has a strange sense of bloody humour. I hope everything soon improves for you xxx

shabbapinkfrog · 05/10/2011 06:55

Morning girls xx

deemented · 05/10/2011 07:03

Oh FM, i am sorry. Hows he doing now? FWIW, they gave my granny the last rites three times - my mother even flew back from a holiday in Australia for one of them, and she lasted another six years after the last ones. I hope the next few days and weeks are easier for you - sending much love x

Morning Shabbs and everyone x

frasersmummy · 05/10/2011 08:36

I know it wasnt funny at the time... but I have to admit to laughing at being given the last rites 3 times....she was a fighter eh Dee... just like mum is proving to be.

Hubby is ok.. looks like he burst a blust vessel while coughing and because his blood pressure is extemely high it kept bleeding... thats the current thought.
He is having more tests today but should be home later today .. fingers crossed

caz delighted you are ok and on the home straight..you gave us all a fright

time is weird isnt it...it races past so fast and yet when I think of the day I gave birth to Fraser its soooo clear its like it was yesterday

shabba.... will you give fmn my love... I think of her often... I had no-one to talk to about Fraser before she started her thread 4 years ago... its been a lifeline

shabbapinkfrog · 05/10/2011 08:48

I certainly will. xx