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Bereavement

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Love, like starlight, never dies... Our precious children sparkling in the sky xx

984 replies

CazandBelle · 28/06/2011 11:13

"Small was feeling grim and dark. He was playing toss and fling and bang and crash. Break and snap and bash and batter. Small said ?I?m a grim and grumpy little small and nobody loves me at all?. ?Oh Small,? said Large. ?Grumpy or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said, ?If I was a grizzly bear would you still love me would you still care?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bear or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said ?But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bug or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

?No matter what?? said Small, and smiled, ?What if I was a crocodile?? Large said ?I?d hug you close and hold you tight and tuck you up in bed at night?.
?Does love wear out? said Small, ?does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?? ?Oh help,? said Large ?I?m not that clever I just know I?ll love you forever?.

Small said ?but what about when you?re dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?? Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

?Small look at the stars ? how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies?.

NO MATTER WHAT by Debi Gliori

Missing my beautiful Belle, a year to the day we placed her to bed in her garden. Mummy and Daddy love you, always. To the moon and back xxx

OP posts:
travellingwilbury · 16/09/2011 07:18

Good morning everyone xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 16/09/2011 08:38

Hello TW, how are you?

One day at a time Caz, but keep your eye on the prize. You WILL get there and you will be holding your darling boy in no time. I don't know what youlook like, but I can visualise you sitting up in a hospital bed holding your boy with a huge grin on your face.

lavandes · 16/09/2011 15:37

Afternoon ladies xx

Thinking of you Caz I am sure that in a few weeks you will be cuddling your beautiful Zander xx

shabbapinkfrog · 17/09/2011 08:23

Morning girls xx

deemented · 17/09/2011 09:12

Morning folks x

Caz - i shall be thinking of you today, my lovely. I hope it passes quickly and easily for you.

Well, i've just had some awful, awful news. My cousins husband dropped dead of a heart attack last night, he was only 44. It's just awful. He leaves my cousin and their two daughters. He was such a lovely bloke, always full of fun and a real laugh. I shall miss him.

Bluetinkerbell · 17/09/2011 09:16

Morning all!

Last I read on the November thread is that Caz is in hospital atm as she is threatened with pre-term labour again!

oh dee so sad for your cousin's family! thinking of them!

shabbapinkfrog · 17/09/2011 09:45

When did you read that Blue? Oh my thoughts go out to her. xx

Bluetinkerbell · 17/09/2011 09:48

I'm still following the thread of the ladies having their babies in November!
She had an appointment on Wednesday and went back in on Thursday for not feeling too great and they kept her in!

shabbapinkfrog · 17/09/2011 09:52

Oh poor love. I will be praying for her today (not something I do very often) such a difficult time for her and her husband. xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 17/09/2011 10:14

So sorry to hear about your cousins husband Dee. How awful, that poor family. It's so unfair.

I have everything crossed for you Caz. Life probably seems indescribably tough and unfair at the moment. Keep the faith and take care of yourself.

Belle will also be in my thoughts today x

CazandBelle · 17/09/2011 10:17

Hi ladies.

I am in hospital. Something had to kick off this week didn't it. Feeling very vulnerable right now. This is exactly what happened the week before belle died. Threatening prem labour and her death feels even less like a coincidence now and more like the warning sign my gut has been saying these last 18 months.

Wenight I started getting what I though was quite naste Braxton hicks, v low down pains. Settled a bit when I went to bed but was very uncomfy through night. Went to work still not feeling right and by dinnr time admitted defeat and went up hospital. Xander had been active throughout.

MAchines showed early contractions again just like last time. At their worst 4-6 Mins apart amd very sore. Had steroids and drugs to settle everything do and antibiotics as precaution for infection. no sign of water infect but waiting on blood and swab results. Drugs finally kicked in Fri afternoon properly and things got much less regular and intense.

Wore off at 3:30 am and pains started and been having tightenings every 10-15mins again. Don't think they are going anywhere though. Think im one of these women who faff about with labour until waters are broken!! Had more drugs so hoping will kick in again soon.

wating to see consultant to make another new plan. Hoping they will agree to being kept in and closely monitored for 2 weeks and move induction to 35 weeks from 37. I dont feel safe anymore, the parralels are too close to belle and I just want xander out while he alive. they can't risk another baby dying. Fallen to pieces now. I obviously can't carry babies safely past this point.

DIdnt of have lewis at 35 weeks. hoW was he when he was born? Did he need scbu?

Srry for typos im on phone..

OP posts:
CazandBelle · 17/09/2011 10:20

Oh forgot to say xander is coping much better with this than belle did. He seems stronger. They are positive that his good weight will go in his favour for early birth if that's the way we go.

OP posts:
CazandBelle · 17/09/2011 10:21
  • Last 15 months..
OP posts:
Bluetinkerbell · 17/09/2011 10:22

Glad you let us know how you're doing Caz hang in there! we are all thinking of you and your precious family!

CazandBelle · 17/09/2011 10:23
  • Lf have lewis
OP posts:
shabbapinkfrog · 17/09/2011 10:23

Caz Im thinking about you and wish I could do something to help. Am holding you close in my thoughts and sending lots of love.

Dee - what awful news sweetheart. xx He sounds like a brilliant man. xx

CheeseandGherkins · 17/09/2011 10:44

caz thinking of you, I really hope everything goes ok for you. My dd was born at 36 weeks and she needed scbu for a week, she had a few breathing problems, was grunting, needed tube feeding but she is now a healthy 9 year old :) Hope that helps a little. Keeping you in my thoughts.

dee so sorry to hear that.

Quick post as ds2 (4 years old) broke his foot on Thursday the poor thing and he's in a cast up to his knee. We were at the hospital every day other that Monday last week...He's being really brave but it's going to be hard getting him to stay off it as he needs to. Loaned a wheelchair so we can get about but he needs his leg raised for a while first so it doesn't swell. Hoping it heals well.

I was seen my consultants and insulin upped. Totally reassured by the hospital now (far better than the other one) as they said they'd up scans to fortnightly given the GD, from 24 weeks I think and also said I could call anytime if I have a bad day to come in to be seen. Also that towards the end if I need daily monitoring then that's absolutely fine. I'm so relieved!!

Hope everyone is well xx

CazandBelle · 17/09/2011 11:25

Weekend dr won't make any long term decisions past Monday so have to wait to see my normal consultant for her to make a plan now. In until at least then. I hope they will keep me here till he is born. Really feel in bits today.

OP posts:
Minione · 17/09/2011 11:59

Oh Caz, you poor thing. I'm thinking of you and hoping everything will be ok. Hope they keep you in and look after you and Xander. My Dh was born at 34 weeks, they said he would be small, pale and skinny for the rest of his life. Well, he's pretty pale but 6ft 2 and 16 and a half stone so they clearly go they wrong!

Wish I could do something to help, if it helps to talk we're all here for you xxx

Dee - SOrry to hear about your cousin's husband, that's awful x

Cheese - your poor DS! Hope he makes a swift recovery!X

frasersmummy · 17/09/2011 12:42

Oh Caz.. I read your post and my stomach just turned over and my heart sank...

we are praying for a happy and safe outcome for you

no wonder you are in bits honey ... stay strong ..and make sure they keep monitoring you

I just wish I could hug you right now.

frasersmummy · 17/09/2011 12:48

oh god sometimes there are just no words......

another poor mum who needs lots of support

CheeseandGherkins · 17/09/2011 15:01

Mini he's happy enough, the wii is keeping him occupied for now as it keeps him still with his leg raised but need to think of lots of things over the coming weeks. Thankfully he doesn't seem to be in much pain after calpol.

caz been thinking of you here a lot, I really hope you're doing ok and that Monday brings some good news from your consultant. Glad you're staying in. I hope they let you stay but if not would they agree to daily monitoring and you calling/going in whenever you needed to? hugs x

fm just seen that thread :( I wish life were easier

bobbledog · 17/09/2011 15:43

Hello ladies,

I'ts been 10 months since I last posted here a few weeks after my little boy, Nate, died. I've lurked occasionally but haven't really kept up with everyone - sometimes seeing others in pain can be too much to bear.

Just sending love to you all as I approach the 1 year anniversary on Sept 23. I can't believe that it's been a year, and yet here I am, still breathing.

Nate's little sister, Elspeth, was born on 23 July and is doing fine.

I particularly wanted to send my best to caz - I am sending all positive thoughts your way.

Minione · 17/09/2011 18:32

Congratualtions Bobbledog on the birth of baby Elspeth. Gorgeous name - on my shortlist for our baby who is due in a week! Take care xxx

lavandes · 17/09/2011 23:22

Hi Ladies xxx
caz All my thoughts and strength go to you my friend, I have good feelings for you and your precious Zander. You are such a special Mum and you have your Jon to get you through, all will be well I just know it will just look after yourself and take it easy xxx

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