Love, like starlight, never dies... Our precious children sparkling in the sky xx

[CazandBelle]

"Small was feeling grim and dark. He was playing toss and fling and bang and crash. Break and snap and bash and batter. Small said ?I?m a grim and grumpy little small and nobody loves me at all?. ?Oh Small,? said Large. ?Grumpy or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said, ?If I was a grizzly bear would you still love me would you still care?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bear or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said ?But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bug or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

?No matter what?? said Small, and smiled, ?What if I was a crocodile?? Large said ?I?d hug you close and hold you tight and tuck you up in bed at night?.
?Does love wear out? said Small, ?does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?? ?Oh help,? said Large ?I?m not that clever I just know I?ll love you forever?.

Small said ?but what about when you?re dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?? Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

?Small look at the stars ? how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies?.

NO MATTER WHAT by Debi Gliori

Missing my beautiful Belle, a year to the day we placed her to bed in her garden. Mummy and Daddy love you, always. To the moon and back xxx

Good morning girls xx Hope everyone is OK xx

Morning all!

Exhausted! DH snoring all night. DD knocking on the door at 5am, trying to get her back to her own bed.
The wind outside is giving me a headache!

Dee so happy your son had a nice time at the softplay! It's always heartwarming receiving compliments about your children!

dee glad the soft play went well and that you had a good day :) Sounds like he had a lovely birthday.

My blood sugar levels have been up and down so I called in today and basically I'm going to be put on metformin (liquid as I can't deal with tablets) or insulin but she thinks that given my history I'll go straight onto insulin. I need to get her bleeped in the morning as we're at the hospital for dh and she'll speak to a dr to find out what they want to do.

I'm relieved and scared all at once. The more I think about it the more I think I had undiagnosed GD with Scarlett :( At least this hospital have tested me early and are actually being proactive though, if I'd stayed at the other one they were only going to give me a GTT at 20ish weeks so I wouldn't even know anything for ages yet.

I'm fairly phobic of needles too but I'll deal with it it needs be. I just hope this will help and all go well. More to worry and think about now.

Hope everyone's ok today, it's soooo windy here!

Morning girls xx

Morning all.

Hiya Charley - how are you doing my friend? xxx

Morning ladies xx

morning ladies!

Afternoon. I was put on insulin and have to go back Friday to see consultants. Been a long day already! Hope you're all ok.

Sorry, only just seen this, Cheese.

What insulin are you on and what is your regime? I'm on NovoMix 30, 18 units in the morning before breakfast, and 18 units before dinner in the evening.

One thing i find useful is instead of actually pressing the needle into myself, i place it on my skin and let to weight of the pen guide it in, iyswim? Then i hold it with my other hand and use the other to press it down.

Hi dee, it's called NovoRapid flexpen and I'm only on 2 units before lunch and 2 before dinner. She said I'd probably be on before breakfast soon as well. So it doesn't sound like a high dose at all. I'll be using it properly for the first time in about 15 minutes and I'm bloody scared! I'll get used to it but I'm nervous just thinking about it.

I see what you mean about that, I'll see how I get on.

hey girls .. question for you ..

see when you spend some really good quality times with your kids who are here do you find yourself teary about your child who is not here

And on the flip side of this when you get annoyed at your child/children do you feel guilty cos "you should be pleased they are here to be demanding/rude/ grumpy

Yes, yes, yes, FM

It's very very hard parenting after a loss, imo. You have to find the fine line between being firm and not letting them away with it because they are here and we're so grateful to have them, iyswim?

It is hard. Fucking hard. You ok, FM?

Good luck, cheese x

FM - yes to both of your questions!!!

Whenever we are doing something fun as a family I always think - there should be four lads here with me.....and their partners, and their children. Its such a crap feeling.

I also find it hard, especially with 'teenage' Tom to be strict. Often he falls out with me at bedtime because I wont allow the laptop upstairs with him. He gets very angry. No matter what, I always, always, always say to him 'Good night Tom, I love you.' I mainly get a 'Kevin & Perry' grunt back but I always think - what if something happens in the night and my last memory is a big argument.

FM I'd say yes as well. It can be really hard at times, hope you're ok.

Thanks dee I managed it! Feels like a big thing to me but I know it's pretty normal really, I'm just terrible with needles and medications etc, anything with the hospital too. Finding it a struggle with that and getting my head round it. How are you coping with yours? Need to test my blood sugars soonish then I'll see what happened. Is it normal for a bit to leak out after injecting as mine did?

shabs I agree with that, no going to bed annoyed etc. Works well for me too. Must be so hard for you, I really admire your strength. xx

Yes, it's normal but don't take the needle out straight away - leave it in for at least ten seconds.

I'm coping ok with it, i think. My afternoon bloods are starting to verge towards 7, and because of that they'll probably increase my injections to four times daily instead of the two. I think they might also change the insulin to a more long lasting one.

It is difficult to get your head around. I have days where i resent the hell out of having to take insulin and inject myself. But it's worth it in the end.

i dont think i could do injections.. there's brave and then there's doing your own injections...well done both of you .. and hugs.. hope it all goes away when your bundle of joy is here

I am ok thanks for asking .. I had a great day on Saturday at our local open doors event.. hubby was working so was just ross and I doing treasure trails quizzes etc at 10 different venues. later on I was a bit weepy

Sunday I guess as we were both tired we were grumping at each other all day long

Both times just made me think of Fraser..

I am a great believer in hugs and kisses and I love you both at night and when we are going to be apart

Ah love, i know what you mean. I'm forever telling those i love that i love them. Mainly because if anything happens to me then they can remember that they know, that they are loved.

And the diabetes won't go away after this one's born - i have type 2 diabetes and it's just a question of wether i'll still need insulin or not.

Morning girls xx

Morning all.

I need more hoursin the day at the moment. I have time to catch up on the thread, but then not enough time to comment.

Ciaran sounds like he was a chubby cheeked beauty Dee

Sorry to hear about the diabetes ladies, it must tough. My mum has type 2 and I'm a prime candidate for it tbh, I really need to shift some weight, start exercising and change my eating habits forever, ie not existing on sugar highs to fuel me through the day.

I totally identify with what you said FM. We wouldn't bu human if we didn't have these thoughts I think.

fm I'm not in the position yet, but already I've found myself worrying how I'll stop myself from a) being over-protective and a complete cotton wool Mummy, b) how on earth I won't spoil Xander and c) how many times a day I'll look at him and wish he had his sister too...

Having lots of very wobbly days at the moment. On Saturday I will be 32+4 and that is the day Belle died. As I said on my blog I just cannot imagine getting to Sunday with everything still being ok. I'm just so emotionally exhausted all of the time now.

Today I've had a good appointment though, consultant was fab with me. Last appointment she had said she wanted to move my induction to 38 weeks, which has really been bothering me since because the change of plan threw me and the thought of holding it together an additional 7 days was unbearable.

Anyway, I explained this and she just said 'ok' we'll do it at 37 as originally planned. I didn't even need to cry or beg, she just went with what I wanted! So I've been booked in for induction at 37 weeks on the 18th October... with steroid injections in the few days before just to help Xander a little bit. SBCU bed reserved as a precaution but consultant said likely won't be needed. 4 weeks and 6 days to go.... please dear God.

Caz - i have everything crossed for you, my lovely. I'll be thinking of you all on Saturday x

Morning girls xx

caz... ross was induced at 36 weeks and 5 days cos my consultant was going on holiday and he was on holiday when Fraser died so wasnt going to do that again

So Ross was born at 36 and 6 days... technically premature... he was absolutely fine no scbu needed but Its good though that they are putting measures in place.

Saturday will be a really hard day for you ... but you will come through it ... we are all here for you

You know here more than anywhere else on mn we are hoping and praying for a happy and safe outcome

Morning girls xx