Love, like starlight, never dies... Our precious children sparkling in the sky xx

[CazandBelle]

"Small was feeling grim and dark. He was playing toss and fling and bang and crash. Break and snap and bash and batter. Small said ?I?m a grim and grumpy little small and nobody loves me at all?. ?Oh Small,? said Large. ?Grumpy or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said, ?If I was a grizzly bear would you still love me would you still care?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bear or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

Small said ?But if I turned into a bug, would you still love me and give me a hug?? ?Of course,? said Large ?bug or not, I?ll always love you no matter what.?

?No matter what?? said Small, and smiled, ?What if I was a crocodile?? Large said ?I?d hug you close and hold you tight and tuck you up in bed at night?.
?Does love wear out? said Small, ?does it break or bend? Can you fix it, stick it, does it mend?? ?Oh help,? said Large ?I?m not that clever I just know I?ll love you forever?.

Small said ?but what about when you?re dead and gone, would you love me then, does love go on?? Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright.

?Small look at the stars ? how they shine and glow, but some of those stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the evening skies. Love, like starlight, never dies?.

NO MATTER WHAT by Debi Gliori

Missing my beautiful Belle, a year to the day we placed her to bed in her garden. Mummy and Daddy love you, always. To the moon and back xxx

Hi

Baglady I am so sorry to hear about your little girl, I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Celia is a beautiful name. Take it one day at a time as the ladies here have already stated. My son was stillborn last year so very different to your own situation but I remember my own 'early days' and how I just got through them somehow.

MAggie - sorry for your loss, what was your little boy's name?

PPM - What an awful time you've had, hope you and your son are feeling better and hope next week is a lot better!

Heliantha - Thank you, I'm ok. HAving less 'panics' about movement but still have my moments! I'm 34 weeks on Monday so not long!

Hope everyone is ok xx

Thanks Shabs. I know in my head that I wasn't in any way to blame, but it doesn't stop my heart hurting when I think of that day. Other people were very keen to find someone/something to blame - made them feel better I suppose so that they could convince themselves it wouldn't happen to them. There isn't really a word for what I feel because it's not guilt, more like active regret, if that makes any sense at all

Fm - just wait! I have the interesting combination of 2 who I'm sure would sleep until 11 if I let them & a little one who usually manages til 7, but not always :) I don't let the big boys stay in bed much past 9 though & (thankfully) they're very good about getting up & doing something useful please :o

Mini - glad you're doing well. Not long indeed, although I'm sure every day feels very long x

Oh yes Heli - I know all about active regret.....it lives in my head but reminds me it is there each and every day xxx

I'm not one for words much just now... but my thoughts are with you all x

xxxx

I just knew you'd understand Shabs - thank you :)

Hi Dee: thoughts are good - usually what I do but am feeling uncharacteristically talkative (keyboardative?) today x

word of the week heliant.. keybaordative

Minione I cant believe you are coming up on 34 weeks... are they going to induce you early do you know

Sending love to everone. A candle is lit here in Cornwall for all our beloved children xx

Hey Lavandes (waves) how are u tonight? Xx

Hi ppm Sorry you had a shit week. I'm OK got grandsons here, husband in bed exhausted after bowling. I just sorted their clothes, cooked roast chicken and numerous veg, cleared up, made hot choc before bed and am still here. I am supergran (I love it)xx

The truth of that story is he can sleep and I can't until I am very, very tired xx

Aw thanks lavandes. Was def one of the worst weeks I've had in a while. Aww that's lovely u have your grandsons staying. I had a better sleep last night n bn feeling more positive today. Been baking a cake tonight for ds1 and another friend who had a bday last week for a wee belated bday BBQ tomorrow... X

Haha similar story here ... My other half has bn snoring for hours... I on the otherhand need to be exhausted before I can sleep. Was never like that before gregor died

Fingers crossed for good weather here and for you too. Going to Cornwall Creally tomorrow, hopefully with picnic. I don't think I have slept more than 6 hours straight since Rich died, that is not enough for me. I have got fresh sunflowers in my living room, bought last week, I think of your gorgeous Gregor often when I look at them xx

I've started playing scrabble via facebook, it keeps my mind occupied, anything that helps I will do, I enjoy it xxx

My sunflowers in my garden are coming out now too, I've got all sorts from giant ones to mini ones called little leos (his best friend is Leo!) ... And their little yellow heads bobbing in the wind make me smile
didn't know you were on facebook, if u want to add me I will pm u my details? I love scrabble too. Was in Cornwall earlier this summer stayin near Truro, it's lovely there xx

Morning girls xx

I cant sleep either. Haven't slept properly for many years. I just slept for about 4 hours and now Im up again

Hi ladies xx

Do you like Scrabble shabs maybe we could have a Mumsnet game via facebook. xx

Morning girls xx

Love Scrabble Lavendes - any word games! xx

Lots of crying here at the moment, I'm one big hormonal emotional wreckage it seems. Starting to crumble away from anything that resembles coping with this pregnancy. 28 weeks now and just bloody terrified all of the time. I've lost count of how many times a day I convince myself X is dead. Today has been a quiet day for him which hasn't helped. Of course he's moved plenty of times, but the periods of quietness inbetween have been quite long. Where as yesterday he was kicking and moving about nearly all day with hardly any quite patches. Sigh, I'm obsessed.

At this point with Belle I naively thought we were on the home stretch. Now all I can think was that really we only had 4 weeks left with her and we didn't know it.

I won't survive it again.

Repeat after me Caz... "all will be well, all will be well..." thinking of you and sending you love xx
i've had a shitty day - schools back tomorrow and am struggling with that but am also attending a funeral of a friend who died last week - first funeral i've been to since G's... Have been really wobbly all day x

"all will be well" - I just wish I could believe it ppm

love to you too. hope tomorrow is as gentle as it can be. xx

Thanks caz - cannot imagine pregnancy after loss and the stress and anxiety it must bring but there are so many here who have walked where you are walking today and who will help you through xxx

Come on love...you can 'do this' - I know you can - I have every faith in you and the strength that I know you have. All will be well, ALL WILL BE WELL. Remember what my Matty used to say about life? 'You have to gwab evwy day by the balls and shake it!!' I expect to hear you shaking lifes balls tomorrow or there will be trouble Lady Jane.....I always wonder who the hell Lady Jane is??

Morning girls xx